Who is this Guy?!

 

So there’s a new documentary on HBO called SUPERHEROES about morons who literally dress up and “protect” the streets of the cities they live in. Just like Jersey Shore, I couldn’t stop watching it even though it was the most ridiculous shit to ever take place in America (I say that loosely). Literally, gay crime fighters walking the streets like hookers on a Saturday night trying to bait people into rape, skateboarding at 4 am in Brooklyn, etc. etc. All the while local police laughing at them in their face. I must say though, my favorite by far was Master Legend:

 

ML drinks on the job, hits on chicks at bars, and carries an ice cube launcher. Not only does he NEED his own show, but I want to know how he has time to save the world in between crushing all the local pussy in downtown Orlando, FL. I don’t mean to get so side tracked but there’s a point to this. Master Legend must have been on vacation in Spain and saved this dude’s life on the tracks cause look at how calm and cool that guy is. Drunk dude knocked out on tracks? I got this. Train coming? Don’t rush me. Get the guy to safety? Done and done. I know I always say this but it seriously looks like a clip from a Hollywood movie. And if you ever come across Master Legend, he probably just saved your life and you didn’t even know it.

Asshole Gives Play-By-Play While Drunk Bleeds On Tracks

So here’s the story. This guy was wasted in the subway and began pissing off the platform when he lost his balance and landed head first on the rail. Drunk and semi unconscious, these 3 bystanders did NOTHING to help him. I’ll say right off the bat, not for the faint of heart. Now a survey came out not too long ago saying that New Yorkers were the most likely to take action if they saw something happen or had to save someone. So much for that. This asshole just stands there and watches as his girlfriend cries and this very, very, very, very intoxicated guy bleeds all over the subway. The dick, however, DID have the decency to give play-by-play and film at the same time. “Yo, you alright man?” Does he look alright?! He’s a pillow away from a good night’s sleep. Bleeding from the ears and barely moving and you’re going to ask him if he’s alright? “Yo, real time. This is how niggas do. 13 minutes til the next L train comes.” Oh great! So now we have a countdown going until this video turns into a “Faces of Death.”

I’m not going to analyze all 3 of these videos because I apparently have earthquakes to deal with in NY, but I hope Roofio here understands that karma is a bitch and when he falls onto the tracks and reaches up for help, I’ll be standing there with my middle finger out. When this kid sobers up in a week, he better name his first child after that MTA employee. He is the REAL hero and had to take care of the situation on his own thanks to these clown dicks. If those assholes even TRY to take credit for being heroes, I might have to track them down.

 

On a side-note, what is the policy on Asians using “nigga”? Has it now come down to Whites being the only ones who can’t say that?

Man Gets Pussy After Preventing Woman From Getting Railed

Ching chang, ching ching chung…I don’t know what the fuck they are saying here but does it really matter?! I can watch this footage on mute and it would probably make more sense. Chick does some kind of barrel roll onto tracks, man saves the day with seconds to spare. I mean holy shit! I was waiting for the director to yell CUT. To be completely honest, I don’t know if this guy got pussy or not but he better have. I mean that chick better have fucked him right there under the platform. As always no one else jumped into action except for this guy and he had the awareness to roll her into the safe spot under the platform as if he does this all the time. You don’t even need a pick up line at that point. Just “love you long time” until they get that train out of the way!

This train station had railings on the platform and this chick still managed to find her way onto the tracks. There’s no joke here, I just can’t believe how retarded people can be.