Category: Funny

The New York Jets Will Now Organize Their Own J-E-T-S Chant

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The Jet Press: Remember our buddy, Fireman Ed? Well it doesn’t look like he is planning on returning for the 2013 season. The Jets are actually planning a way to replace him. And it’s a little bit crazy. The Jets organization has taken it upon itself to take the famous “J-E-T-S” chant, and, instead of letting the fans do it naturally, converted it into an organized event. The letters will be done by designed sections.

How do you know football season is right around the corner? No, not because you might have a fantasy football draft coming up on your calendar–because the Jets are in the headlines for off the field reasons a month before their first game. Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with players (yet) and more about how management is organizing the new J-E-T-S chant. Last season Fireman Ed quit on his team because of the “verbal abuse” he was taking for wearing a Sanchez jersey and instead of putting on a throwback Namath, he decided to call it quits. That’s when one guy in the Jets weekly Monday morning meeting sarcastically said let’s divide the stadium into 4 sections and have the fans do the chant themselves. His boss shot a look over and said that’s the greatest idea I’ve ever heard! Let’s put that on a memo to all of our season ticket holders so they know by our first home game! As if Jets fans didn’t have enough to be embarrassed about, now they have to deal with this shit. It’s getting to the point where I almost feel bad…ALMOST.

Under/over of a J-E-T-S chant every home game counting the kickoff = 2.5

Doesn’t Get More Lucky Than The Guy Whose Belt Buckle Stopped A Bullet

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Luck is an understatement when a couple centimeters separates you from walking away from this situation or getting wheeled to the hospital without a bullet in your dick. Straight up movie script stuff right here. Seriously, that bullet couldn’t have hit more perfectly for this guy. Go buy a scratch off Bienvenido.

 

IT Worker Accidentally Broadcasts Porn On Train Station JumboTron

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Gawker: Watching porn on your work computer is never a good idea, but it’s an especially bad idea when your job involves testing a Jumbotron outside the train station of a major city in China. Last week, computer technician Yuan Mou inadvertently broadcast ten minutes of porn to hundreds of on-lookers gathered outside of the station in Jilin City. Yuan was hired by Southern Advertising Company to repair the giant LED screen, which had malfunctioned sometime in mid-June. Repairing the screen was apparently something of a full-time job, and Yuan took up residence inside the building the screen was attached to in order to finish the repair. One night last week, probably after a long day of work, Yuan fired up his DVD copy of The Forbidden Legend: Sex and Chopsticks on his work computer, not realizing that the computer was still connected to the LED screen. Approximately ten minutes later, he received a phone call from his employer, letting him know that the porno was being broadcast to hundreds of onlookers scattered throughout the station’s square. Yuan immediately disconnected his computer and ditched the DVD, but by then it was too late. Jilin police took him into custody for questioning on Friday, and he reportedly confessed, though it’s unclear if he’s been charged with any sort of crime.

I guess at least it wasn’t his webcam that was on broadcasting everything, right? Still has to suck tho. Guy works all day wiring up a massive jumbotron and gets in his room to take the edge off and next thing he knows his fetish video of girls popping ping pong balls out of their pussies is airing for all of downtown China to see. To top it off, the company that hired you knows exactly who is to blame and throws your name in the newspaper. I feel a ‘would you rather’ coming on.

Subway Train Takes Off With All The Doors Open

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Imagine this shit happening in NYC during rush hour? Holy shit talk about a free-for-all. This would be the best opportunity to throw every mariachi band, annoying talker, loud music listener right off the train. Whoops! Wasn’t my fault you fucks forgot to close the doors!

Side note: I don’t know what country this is in but the fact that they get padded seats is insane. See how long those would last in the NYC subway!

Miss Utah Was Better Off Keeping Her Mouth Shut Last Night

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Thank you Utah…for making my Monday morning more cringe worthy than it already was! For those of you who saw Miss South Carolina’s answer about stupid kids not being able to locate the US on a world map in 2007 have seen worse than this but this is why these chicks are in beauty pageants and not world leaders. Just keep smiling and looking hot and you’ll be fine, hun. Oh yea…you didn’t think she was getting out of this post without this treatment did you…?

 

School Bus Driver Gets Prank Of The Year

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Sarcasm. What a shitty April Fool’s prank. Seriously, when I saw the title “April Fool’s On A School Bus” I was hoping the bus driver was doing 60 and slammed the brakes pancaking the kids faces into the seats. Or hanging the bus over train tracks with a train coming until the kids shit themselves or something. But no school because of a water main break? On April 1st? What a shitty joke and what stupid kids for not picking up on it.

Father Sets Up Camera To Capture Paranormal Activity; Catches Teenage Son Banging His Girlfriend

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DailyMail: A father who rigged up a video camera in his kitchen to capture ghosts he thought were haunting his house accidentally caught his girlfriend making love to his teenage son instead. Convinced his home had been overrun by supernatural spirits, the man, from Tasmania, Australia, set up the camcorder in his kitchen, pressed record and went to work. But when he returned to view the footage his paranoia turned to horror as he watched his partner of 11 years enter the room and begin canoodling with his 16-year-old son. The 28-year-old woman, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, pleaded guilty at Australia’s Supreme Court to five counts of sex with a minor, claiming she hadn’t realised 16 was below the age of consent. The court heard how the affair began when she went into her de facto stepson’s bedroom weeks earlier to discuss his driving lessons. But the conversation soon turned to tickling, then kissing, cuddling and sex, the court heard. She later took the boy upstate where they had sex several times in a hotel room. The boy’s father was so angry when he saw the pair petting in his haunted kitchen, he confronted his partner about what he had seen but she downplayed it as an innocent cuddle. But his son told a different story, admitting they had had sex on several occasions. The man called the police and his girlfriend was duly arrested. The court heard the woman was ashamed and embarrassed by her actions and had tried to repair the broken relationship. However, her lawyer Steve Chopping told the courtroom: ‘She accepts this is not a relationship which can or will continue.’ Justice David Porter remanded the woman in custody and will sentence her on Monday. The case continues.

How about that headline huh? And man-o-man what a shitty situation for this guy. Fuckin’ house is haunted by ghosts…his teenage son is banging his girlfriend. At least he found out where those ghostly moans were coming from so I guess he killed two birds with one stone. But how do you reprimand your son for bending your girlfriend over? That’s what I wanna know. Like you can’t go banging his girlfriend or he’ll be in the cell next to his ex so are we talking grounding til age 18? What’s the just penalty for sleeping with dad’s girlfriend?

I’m Calling Bullshit On The Guy Escaping Out The Window Caught Cheating

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DailyMail: In a stunning example of a soap opera come to life, a video has surfaced from Brazil that depicts the hilarious struggle of a man attempting to escape a cheating woman’s bedroom after her husband has come home. And it’s out a third story window. As the drama begins, a husband and wife are seen arguing on the third-floor patio of an urban apartment building.

 

Not a chance. No way this guy got caught by chica’s husband and had time to tie sheets together to scale a window while the fire department shows up with mats for him to jump onto like this is a regular occurrence. Just doesn’t happen in real life. No idea what it would be a publicity stunt for but I’m not buying this is a real thing.