Category: News

Rats Begin Subway Takeover, Bite Woman Downtown

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AM New York:

A rat bit a horrified straphanger earlier this week on a subway platform. The unidentified woman, described as being in her mid-20s, was waiting for the J train on a bench at the Chambers Street station about 9:30 Monday morning when, she said, the rodent peeked out from underneath and bit her right foot, which was unprotected by her open-toed shoes. “She was crying — she was quite hysterical,” when the woman went to the service booth at the station, a subway employee told amNewYork yesterday. “She had a cut … you could see the fresh blood,” he continued, adding that it was the first time he had heard of a commuter being attacked by a rat. The woman was taken to New York Downtown Hospital, according to an MTA document. Spokesmen for the hospital and the MTA did not comment by press time. While rats are fairly common in subway stations, most rodent bites occur when people at home try to release mice from traps, health department spokeswoman Susan Craig said. About 200 rodent bites are reported each year, according to city data. “The best way to prevent rats is to keep the subway stations clean,” Craig said. “The more people can do to keep garbage away, and to not throw garbage in the subway tracks — especially food — the less rats there will be.”

 

NYC rats are seriously no joke. Most are the size of kittens and just the nastiest subway creatures next to this guy. I was walking down the sidewalk late one night and I swear to god one ran out right in front of me and just stood there and stared at me as if to say ‘pay the toll asshole.’ He was not scared of me at all and looked at me like I was the crazy one. It’s not a surprise that this woman got bit but it surprises me what time it happened. 9:30am!? Shouldn’t rats be sleeping at that point? Commuters shouldn’t have to worry about rats at that time! Now if it were 5 or 6 hours earlier I can see them being all over. Fuck terrorism, I’m worried about getting bit by the rabid rats that are probably wandering the subway just spreading some undiscovered disease all over the place. This chick is probably dying a slow, painful death with her hair falling out and there is no cure in sight. Happy Friday!

New Smart Phone App Makes Hookups, Murder Easier

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Gawker:

After years of hearing their gay friends rave about the mobile, GPS-enabled hook-up app Grindr, straights finally have their own version, released today. It’s called Blendr, and it’s a horrible idea. Blendr’s main problem is that it is being marketed primarily as about making friends, not love. The app lets you find people in your general vicinity with shared interests, so you can have a pleasant conversation with a stranger about, say, French literature, whenever you want. “Facebook does a great job keeping you connected with people you already know,” Grindr CEO Joel Simkhai told The Daily Beast, “but how do you meet new people? How do you make new friendships?” How do you make new friendships? I don’t know, through work? Drunken conversation in the fried chicken joint at 4am? Gradual accretion through natural social interaction? Certainly not through an iphone app! Of course, Simkhai has also been trying to pass off the insane fantasy that guys on Grindr are simply after “platonic relationships.” True, in the sense that Plato fucked men. No doubt, the tamer tone of Blendr is meant to address differences between straight and gay dating culture. But it’s still going to totally alienate the impulsive, horny straight people, which we hear do exist outside of reality TV, and who realistically will be the only ones who might find a use for what amounts to a GPS-coordinated flesh finder. Grindr works because it is a sex buffet—Yelp for penises. Hell, even Republican senators show up on there, naked, bent-over in all their human glory. And in fact Grindr is such a source of entertainment that even straight people can get into it for the sheer voyeuristic thrill of it. But the straight version is an electronic knitting circle you can keep in your pocket? How wholesome! How boring. It seems the straight hook-up technological revolution might be doomed to end with the introduction of attractive-friend-of-a-friend Facebook stalking.

So this new app pinpoints your exact location and shows you everyone else in your vicinity who has the same program on their phone. Sounds just a little sketchy. I don’t need to be walking home from the bar at 4am and get jumped by some gay creeper dude who’s been hanging out in Central Park all night and knows where my exact location is. This app is great for rapists and pervs who are looking for an easy target and makes me wonder why people would actually think this is a great idea. Stay tuned for future horror stories and lawsuits when bodies start turning up all over!

Russian Guy Grabs 1000 Boobs For Politics Sake?

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I want to be a part of this political party! Instead of kissing babies you just walk around grabbing tits? Sign me up! Only in Russia would you find 1,000 women who would even let you do such a thing. This guy is just walking around grabbing women like he’s picking fruit. 50% of them were excited about it, 45% you could just see the terror in their eyes, and 5% I’m pretty sure aren’t even 18 years old. Try this in NY and see what happens…

MTA To Run 1920 Subway Trains This Month

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Adweek:

Pretty awesome: HBO has partnered with New York’s MTA to put an actual 1920s subway train back in service on the 2/3 line during weekends in September to promote Boardwalk Empire, the Prohibition-era drama whose second season premieres Sept. 25. The train was originally used for the IRT system, and began service in 1917, reports the Village Voice. It will be making short runs on the express track between 42nd and 96th Street between noon and 6 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays this month. The cars will feature authentic details such as rattan seats, ceiling fans, and drop sash windows—as well as some inauthentic details like a shitload of Boardwalk Empire ads.

 

So Apparently the MTA has never been to CitySubwayCreatures or else they would see the shit that goes on on these trains. I love the idea but not when I think about the bums that are going to stank those cushioned seats up or the subway performers who are going to flip kick those ceiling fans off or the graffiti that will make these cars look like the 1990s again. I remember a time when a poster on the subway would be sufficient in advertising for a show, movie, or product. Bringing these trains in will be fun, but not for all. Destroying nice things is what New Yorkers are great at. Here is what the before and after photos could look like by Oct. 1:

 

Before:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After:

 

Lindsay Lohan Dead; Donald Trump Expecting; Sarah Palin’s Sex Tape

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Buzzfeed:

I’ll tell you why I knew this was bullshit right away.

A) I’m 99% sure nothing in this world can kill Lindsay Lohan. I’ve been waiting for it for years and just when we think we’re gonna get lucky, somehow she rebounds like Dennis Rodman. Cats have 9 lives? Well Ms Lohan has 9 million. If she was going to die it would’ve been years ago and now we are all going to have to live the torture of her bad movies, terrible singing, and constantly being in the press for irrelevant reasons.

B) Donald Trump pregnant? Come on TrustoCorp. You can do better than that. We all know Donald would abort that baby faster than a teenage girl at her prom. No way is he letting a child come in between him and his conquest to take over the world! The Donald is too selfish to take care of himself with a party of one in his belly. Shame on you, you should know better!

C) Sarah Palin sex tape. Nowwww you got my attention. Not only do I think this bitch is stupid enough to make one, but I would be first to buy multiple copies. As much as I hate her, I can’t deny she’s got the sexy librarian look really working. It wouldn’t be that green night vision shit either. She would probably make it in 3D and name drop a few times on accident to confirm it was definitely her. Palin 2012!

Flood in the NYC Subway!

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So I was taking the 1 train this morning down by South Ferry and all of the sudden the NY Harbor began pouring in one of the entrances! Fire was spitting out of gas lines, an oil tanker fell down from the street above, and electric wires were flying everywhere. Thankfully the train pulled out just in time as if Ron Jeremy was working the controls. Shockingly, this is just footage of the earthquake ride at Universal Studios in Florida but pretty much what I was expecting over the weekend as I think mostly everyone else was. Once again NYC dodged a bullet as if some kind of force field bubbles over it. How did every surrounding city and town get blasted as bad as they did and I wake up Sunday afternoon with power, zero flooding, and the sun out? Something about New York City I tell ya.

I stayed up until 5:30am Sunday morning waiting for something crazy to happen and even then, the reporters were saying the worst is yet to come. Nothing other than a couple fallen trees. An earthquake and tropical storm in the same week? This video is what NY definitely should have looked like! Since we keep getting tested by Mother Nature, I’m sitting here writing and wondering what’s next? Tornadoes? An end of the summer blizzard? Alien attack?

Side note: Not sure if anyone saw the Bloomberg press conference, but him trying to speak Spanish is as awkward as my Irish ass trying to read the Torah out loud.

 

NYC Subway Service Update

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http://www.mta.info/

New York City Subway

With limited exceptions, service will resume across the subway system at 6:00 a.m. Monday morning. Service will be less frequent than normal, and customers should expect longer waits and more crowded trains. Frequency of service will improve over the course of the day. Specifically:

  • 3 trains will operate between 137th Street/City College and New Lots Avenue; Substitute bus service will be provided between Harlem 148th Street and 135th Street connecting with the 2 train.
  • C trains suspended; A trains will make all local stops from 207th St. to Lefferts Blvd.​
    • No service in the Rockaways. (Rockaway Blvd. to Far Rockaway and Rockaway Park)
  • 6 trains runs local in the Bronx
  • 7 trains run local
  • S Franklin Avenue Shuttle (FAS) Suspended
  • N trains terminate at Kings Highway. Shuttle bus service between Kings Highway and Stillwell Terminal.

The Staten Island Railway will resume normal service at midnight tonight.

Long Island Rail Road

Trees are blocking tracks and flooding has been reported in several areas. Crews were dispatched to assess the damage and make repairs. Crews are also in the process of reinstalling hundreds of gates at crossings.

 

 

Metro-North Railroad

Metro-North is experiencing major flooding at numerous locations on all lines and a mudslide on the Hudson Line at Spuyten Duyvil.  The National Weather Service has extended Flood Warnings for Putnam, Rockland, Westchester, and Southeastern CT counties until midnight Monday, which will impact the ability of crews to make necessary repairs. There are multiple instances of power outages and trees tangled in overhead catenary wires. There are several sections of track in various locations damaged by mudslides and washouts and significant flooding at stations. Crews are on hand throughout the system restoring infrastructure as conditions allow.

NYC To Shut Down ALL Mass Transit!

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NEW YORK (AP) — New York City officials say they’re preparing for the total shutdown of the nation’s largest mass transit system.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg says officials expect to shut down the city’s entire transit system at some point Saturday afternoon ahead of the arrival of Hurricane Irene, which is now forecasted to strike eastern Queens. He says service likely won’t be available again until sometime Monday or perhaps later.

Metropolitan Transportation Authority Chairman Jay Walder says that the system can’t be safely operated with sustained winds of 39 mph or more. He says it will take at least eight hours to move all MTA equipment from low-lying storage areas and secure trains in protected areas, including in the system’s underground tunnels.

Bloomberg is urging residents of the city’s low-lying areas to begin evacuating tomorrow. He’ll decide whether to issue a formal evacuation order by 8 a.m.

Link: The Latest Hurricane Irene Maps, Forecasts
The Long Island Rail Road is reducing service in advance of Hurricane Irene touching down on Sunday.

The utility canceled some Friday trains to the East End and train equipment was being moved out of low-lying areas. All riders are being asked to take the storm into account when making plans. MTA officials say the rail road could be shut down entirely if the island is hit hard.

Suffolk County officials announced a voluntary evacuation of beach towns on western Fire Island on Thursday. They say that could become mandatory on Friday. Officials are asking ferry companies not to bring anyone to the island who doesn’t own a home there.

Campers at county parks are being asked to take a hike.

In Nassau County, residents on the Barrier Island on the south shore were told to prepare for evacuations unless the storm changes its track.

Emergency shelters are being set up around the island and residents are urged to pack kits with emergency supplies.

The Long Island Rail Road is reducing service in advance of the hurricane and officials say a total shutdown is possible.

Electric companies say they’re on high alert as Hurricane Irene heads our way.

Con Edison says extensive outages are possible as strong winds topple trees and power lines. Residents should stock up on batteries, flashlights and battery-operated radios.

Residents are urged not to touch any downed electrical wires, which can be dangerous. Other tips: if the power goes out, turn off lights and appliances to prevent an overload once it’s restored. If a utility line falls on your car while you’re in it, stay there and call for help.

Spokesman Chris Olert says officials are also keeping an eye on the steam system in Manhattan.

The Long Island Power Authority says it has hired 900 extra workers to deal with the storm.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered nursing, senior homes and hospitals in Zone A low-lying areas to evacuate beginning Friday. He asked these facilities and hospitals to coordinate evacuation efforts with health officials.

The mayor at a press conference Thursday said Hurricane Irene appears to be heading toward eastern Queens, New York.

Bloomberg says shelters will open for residents at 4 p.m. Friday. He also announced that the emergency command center had been activated.

Link: City-by-City Forecasts

The mayor also revoked all permits for outdoor events on Sunday. Permits for Saturday events in the Zone A areas must end by 2 p.m.

Zone A neighborhoods include coastal areas such as Battery Park City in lower Manhattan, Coney Island in Brooklyn and Far Rockaway in Queens.

City residents can look up their zone at www.nyc.gov.

Suffolk County Executive Steve Levy and other elected officials are asking for voluntary evacuations of beach communities on western Fire Island.

They’re monitoring the weather to determine whether to call for a mandatory evacuation early Friday.

People can only get to and from the barrier beach communities by ferry.

‘Come On Irene!’ NY Get Ready, This Bitch is Cummin’

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So with Hurricane Irene PMSing up the east coast, the media has taken it in their liberty to scare the hell out of everyone from Florida to Maine. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be worried or prepared but they are making it sound like the Apocalypse is coming. One of the stories being reported is the ‘perfect storm’ theory in that if Irene hits exactly when high tide does, there could be an 8 foot storm surge. If this is the case, the subways will most definitely flood which will disable half of NYs transportation. Most states have already put emergency plans in motion and/or declared a state of emergency. Mayor Bloomberg released this statement today: “Do not swim.” Thanks Mike. We’ll stay out of the water until Irene passes but if all goes as the media is telling us, we won’t have much of a choice because Manhattan will turn into Waterworld. I’d say the chances Irene pops a squat on NYC this weekend are slim. Will we get rain? Yes. Will it be windy? Yes. Will the levees break and people need to get rescued from building tops and FEMA come in to save the day and terrible Nic Cage movies get made a year later? I hope not but if so, then may God help us all!

Oh and to cover my ass, if it does flood, here is a map of those of you who will die: