"People watch from the safety of your phone"
Props to this kid for having such a disastrous fall, only to go with the flow and start worming across the finish line. Kid should win for style points alone. “Oh my God, Christian is so funny!” If it he didn’t land right on his dick, I’d say he was gettin’ laid right after this event.
Side note: Was this the Special Games or does it just look like these kids are running in slow motion?
So there’s a new documentary on HBO called SUPERHEROES about morons who literally dress up and “protect” the streets of the cities they live in. Just like Jersey Shore, I couldn’t stop watching it even though it was the most ridiculous shit to ever take place in America (I say that loosely). Literally, gay crime fighters walking the streets like hookers on a Saturday night trying to bait people into rape, skateboarding at 4 am in Brooklyn, etc. etc. All the while local police laughing at them in their face. I must say though, my favorite by far was Master Legend:
ML drinks on the job, hits on chicks at bars, and carries an ice cube launcher. Not only does he NEED his own show, but I want to know how he has time to save the world in between crushing all the local pussy in downtown Orlando, FL. I don’t mean to get so side tracked but there’s a point to this. Master Legend must have been on vacation in Spain and saved this dude’s life on the tracks cause look at how calm and cool that guy is. Drunk dude knocked out on tracks? I got this. Train coming? Don’t rush me. Get the guy to safety? Done and done. I know I always say this but it seriously looks like a clip from a Hollywood movie. And if you ever come across Master Legend, he probably just saved your life and you didn’t even know it.
So here’s the story. This guy was wasted in the subway and began pissing off the platform when he lost his balance and landed head first on the rail. Drunk and semi unconscious, these 3 bystanders did NOTHING to help him. I’ll say right off the bat, not for the faint of heart. Now a survey came out not too long ago saying that New Yorkers were the most likely to take action if they saw something happen or had to save someone. So much for that. This asshole just stands there and watches as his girlfriend cries and this very, very, very, very intoxicated guy bleeds all over the subway. The dick, however, DID have the decency to give play-by-play and film at the same time. “Yo, you alright man?” Does he look alright?! He’s a pillow away from a good night’s sleep. Bleeding from the ears and barely moving and you’re going to ask him if he’s alright? “Yo, real time. This is how niggas do. 13 minutes til the next L train comes.” Oh great! So now we have a countdown going until this video turns into a “Faces of Death.”
I’m not going to analyze all 3 of these videos because I apparently have earthquakes to deal with in NY, but I hope Roofio here understands that karma is a bitch and when he falls onto the tracks and reaches up for help, I’ll be standing there with my middle finger out. When this kid sobers up in a week, he better name his first child after that MTA employee. He is the REAL hero and had to take care of the situation on his own thanks to these clown dicks. If those assholes even TRY to take credit for being heroes, I might have to track them down.
On a side-note, what is the policy on Asians using “nigga”? Has it now come down to Whites being the only ones who can’t say that?
Let’s make one thing clear right off the bat, this is not a sudden earthquake in the subway. No, this chick is as fucked up as Courtney Love and she picked the worst timing possible to try out that new dance move everyone has been telling her about. Oh! Trying to sneak a nice little ciggie in before your train ride, huh? Your body is at the point of the night where it says “fuck you! I’m done!” (Trust me, I’ve been there) Playing dead is not the way I would personally deal with this situation as a train is bearing down on you but hey, what do I know? She honestly doesn’t move like she’s in Jurassic Park and the train is a T-Rex. And who saw that ending coming?! The train stops right above her lifeless body and everyone is OK? I think not. What about all the people in that front car of the train who are probably piled on top of each other right now because of how fast that train went from 60-0 MPH?
The injustice here is that we don’t get the audio of what that conductor says when she opens the front door of the train to find this bitch passed out. “The fuck is this bitch doing under ma goddamn train?! I’ll tell you what sugar, by the time I’m done with you, you gon’ wish this train ran ya ass ova!” God I love impressions but I seriously hope drunkie went straight to the store and bought a Powerball ticket. Either way she’s gonna die because they didn’t make 5 Final Destinations for nothing.
SubwayCreatures 