Category: Funny

HuffPost:

A dwarf claims he was partially paralyzed on his birthday when a stranger lifted and heaved him onto the hard ground outside an English pub, according to The Telegraph. Martin Henderson, the victim, blames English rugby players who attended a dwarf-tossing contest at a New Zealand bar during the World Cup for inspiring the hooligan, The Daily Mail says. While smoking a cigarette outside The White Horse in Wincanton on his 37th birthday in October, Henderson says a drunken stranger picked him up and threw him, causing him to land hard on his back, Metro says. Henderson rejoined his friends, who were shooting pool, but soon began to lose feeling in his back and legs. The 4-foot-2-inch man was dropped from three feet off the ground, according to the BBC. An exam at a nearby hospital revealed that he’d suffered nerve damage, and he was released the next day. Multiple sources report that Henderson’s condition has since worsened, due in part to an existing spinal condition. Henderson claims to feel numbness in his lower back and legs. He struggles to maintain his balance, and walks with the aid of braces. For longer distances, he uses a wheelchair. The injuries derailed what he described as a promising acting career. Police have launched an investigation to find the hooded man who attacked Henderson. In the meantime, Henderson is asking for an apology from the English rugby team. Several players — including the captain, Mike Tindall, who’s married to Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter — celebrated a during the World Cup in September with rowdy behavior in a bar that featured dwarf tossing. There’s no denial that the team attended the “Mad Midget Weekender” event. However, the squad’s coach denies that his players participated in the dwarf-tossing, according to The Mirror.

CORRECTION: An earlier version of this story said Henderson demanded an apology from the incorrect English sports team. He blames the rugby team for inspiring the attack oh him.

Hey Martin Henderson, I have BIG plans for this upcoming St. Patty’s Day and if you ruin this for me, I’m gonna be extremely upset. We’re talking multiple kegger, leprechaun tossing, Beer Olympics, that will all come to a screeching halt if this gets banned. Listen, it sucks that you turned out to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but when you’re a midget at an event called the “Mad Midget Weekender” attended by rugby teams, you should expect nothing less. And as for you’re “promising acting career,” the only famous midgets I know is Wee-Man (who isn’t even famous for anything) and the guy with the enormous head from Game Of Thrones (and I couldn’t even tell you his name). That’s as promising of a career that you have to look forward to. Dwarf Tossing is one vote away from becoming a Summer Olympic Event so don’t fuck this up for the world!