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September 13, 2013subwaycreatures

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Guyism: Dude Hammering Nails With Bare Hands

Barstool: Balloon Guy Fails To Make It Across Atlantic

BroBible: Jersey Shore Boardwalk Decimated By Fire

theCHIVE: I Want That! [Awesome Photos]

DeadSpin: Pirates Fan Trucks Kid To Get Ball

Egotastic!: Emmy Rossum Is Very Hot [Photos]

COED: Jimmy Fallons “Joking Bad” Is Pure Genius

EliteDaily: Welcome To The NYC Apartment Filled With $20 Million In Art

HyperVocal: Jewish Hunger Games For Your Yom Kippur

Uproxx: Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” Video Gets The Nic Cage and Goat Treatment

Just A Shark On The N-Train In NYC Last Night

August 7, 2013August 7, 2013subwaycreatures

MTA: Around 12:30 am last night, the conductor aboard a Ditmars-bound N train at Queensboro Plaza reported that there was a shark aboard the train in car #8994. The conductor isolated the car and the train proceeded to Ditmars Boulevard terminal. Upon arrival at Ditmars Boulevard, a Train Service Supervisor reported the shark was dead and he placed it in a garbage bag and disposed of it in the trash. The Road Car Inspector on duty at Ditmars Blvd. normalized the car and returned the train to customer service.

They weren’t kidding around with this Sharknado 2 thing coming to NYC huh? Imagine getting that call as a train dispatcher? ‘Ahhhh yea dispatch, this is ahhhhh, N-Train 3442 and ahhhhhh, we ahhhhhh, got a shark on board.’ Knowing New Yorkers, dispatch was probably some pissed off black lady like ‘nigga proceed yo ass to Ditmars! We got a schedule to keep!’

Side note: With the disappointment I’m hearing about Shark Week this season, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the top story next year.

Doesn’t Get More Lucky Than The Guy Whose Belt Buckle Stopped A Bullet

July 29, 2013subwaycreatures

Luck is an understatement when a couple centimeters separates you from walking away from this situation or getting wheeled to the hospital without a bullet in your dick. Straight up movie script stuff right here. Seriously, that bullet couldn’t have hit more perfectly for this guy. Go buy a scratch off Bienvenido.

This Handicapped Bullshitter Says He Makes $100,000 A Year

June 18, 2013June 18, 2013subwaycreatures

MSN: Gary Thompson just made life harder for panhandlers. The Lexington, Ky., man is an alleged scammer, playing to the heartstrings of would-be do-gooders who can’t resist his act — that of a wheelchair-bound man with a mental disability. How good is he? He boasts he can make up to $100,000 a year. Thompson was “busted” by a TV station Monday shortly after police warned the public about his alleged scam. During a surreal nearly-nine-minute interview, Thompson fessed up, that aside from some difficulty walking due to a past motorcycle accident, he’s physically healthy and mentally sharp; he has a college degree in speech pathology. Thompson admitted “he’s really good” at gaming people and bragged about his con artist ways, declaring himself “the best in Lex.”

Get a load of this guy, huh? Represents everything wrong with America today. Also why I never give money to these people in the subway or the street. Seen this shit way too much. Sorry to those who are really homeless or handicapped but all it takes is one bad apple to spoil the bunch. Don’t get me wrong–if I have extra food on me and you’re begging, I’ll hand it over but don’t think for a second that you’re getting a dime out of me by crying me a sob story on the A train. You want to help these people then donate clothes to Salvation Army or money to homeless shelters.

Kerry Rhodes Is So Not Gay That He Wants To Take Credit For Kim And Kanye’s Baby

June 18, 2013June 18, 2013subwaycreatures

DeadSpin: Kerry Rhodes is awfully tired of people thinking he’s gay. So tired, evidently, that he has claimed paternity of Kim Kardashian’s just-born daughter. Although we haven’t attended to it in two months or so, “Hollywood” Simpson, the former boyfriend of free-agent NFL safety Kerry Rhodes, has been releasing photos of their gay life together, apparently in hopes that Rhodes will acknowledge him. Some photos came out, Rhodes said he was straight, and then more photos came out. The latest batch, released last week, included the two on horseback (Hollywood calls them “the black Brokeback Mountain”) and in bed together. Rhodes has no choice but to up the ante. Here’s Bossip: Kerry Rhodes refuses to sashay out the closet. The alleged gay baller has recently been forwarding a text message to his NFL buddies claiming to have fathered Kim Kardashian’s baby girl. The message reads: Man this could be my baby!! I was fu**ing her the same time as K.West was lol!!!

I don’t think there’s been bigger denial of something since Michael Jackson tried to convince us his biological children came out with white skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes. Just look at these pictures below. I’m pretty sure even Perez Hilton right now is like ‘oh damn that’s gay!’ I understand that being gay in the NFL will not be easy for Kerry Rhodes but when the proof is in the pudding (not pun intended), you gotta own up at some point. I also get that the list of potential fathers for Kim Kardashian’s baby is as long as the MLB biogenesis list, but trying to take credit for that is one hell of a cop-out. I’m not a religious man, Kerry, but I believe it was some guy in the Bible who said the truth shall set you free!

Crazy, Naked Guy Attacks Commuters In San Francisco Train Station [NSFW]

June 11, 2013subwaycreatures

BoingBoing: On May 10th, a completely naked man entered the 16th street BART station in San Francisco and began attacking people, spitting, urinating and doing gymnastics moves on railings and turnstiles. BART police eventually shut down the station to arrest the man.

No matter who you are commuting in SF on this day, it’s a terrifying scene. When a guy is this hopped up on drugs (probably PCP), common sense and pain go out the window. Straight up zombie style. You can punch, kick, and hit him and he’ll keep coming at you. I’ve seen cases where tasers and pepper spray don’t even work. Not sure how they got the LMFAO guy down but I definitely wouldn’t hang around to find out. Scary stuff.

So Jesse Eisenberg Is A Dick In Real Life, Right?

June 3, 2013subwaycreatures

GossipPop: Jesse Eisenberg gave a reporter a very hard time during a recent press interview for his new movie, Now You See Me. The actor continuously berated host Romina Puga while appearing on her Univision show, “Say My Name With Romina.” Eisenberg mocked Puga for referring to Morgan Freeman simply as “Freeman,” saying, “Freeman? What are you on a baseball team with him?” “Don’t call Morgan Freeman ‘Freeman’ like you’re on a little league softball team with him,” he chided. The Social Network star also called Puga “the Carrot Top of interviewers.” When Puga said she may cry at the insult, Eisenberg responded, “Don’t cry now, cry after the interview is over.” Afterwards, Puga blogged about the extremely awkward sit down, writing, “Jesse Eisenberg is the quick-witted bully you think he is. He’s smart, sharp, and mean.” She called the interview “tortuous.”

So this video is making it’s rounds on the internet today and most of the websites are dubbing Jesse Eisenberg a dick for this awful interview for his upcoming movie (which not only looks terrible but did not get good reviews). But then after reading some of the comments I noticed there’s a good share of people who are blaming the hot interviewer for the awkwardness. Personally, there’s no doubt in my mind that Eisenberg (yes that’s right, I just called you Eisenberg) nailed the role of Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network because he was just playing himself–a socially awkward asshole–but I also noticed this chick was taking subtle jabs at him too. So my question to you the public is…

Does The Whole ‘I Swear I Ride The Subway’ Scam Really Work?

May 23, 2013May 23, 2013subwaycreatures

So Anthony Weiner (NY Mayor candidate/Twitter sexter) took the train this morning in an effort to prove that he’s just as normal as everyone else. How convenient that he missed the AM rush hour where people’s asses and sweaty pits are crammed in your face while the 4-piece mariachi band plays like it’s Cinco de Mayo in the middle of the train. Does this shit really work with voters? He’s gonna get back into the exact same Lincoln Towncar that dropped him off at the subway as soon as he gets to his destination. Bloomberg tries this every once in a while after a terror threat or storm shuts down the city. Like you take the subway one time a year when you’re running for office to show you’re an Average Joe and sit there having a conversation with a guy who probably has no idea who you are. You think he wants to be bothered while he’s trying to read the paper? If it were me I would pull my earphone out and tell him the same thing I tell the inner city kids trying to sell me 2-year old candy…beat it!

Now if voting for mayor depended on subway riding, here’s my vote:

This Oklahoma Tornado Footage Is Insanely Scary

May 21, 2013subwaycreatures

When you come out of your storm cellar and it looks like the opening scene of Terminator that has to be the scariest thing ever. The fact that this thing was big enough to rip an entire town off the map is unreal. Speechless…