The Oregon Ducks Sports Facility Is Fucking Unreal!

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DeadSpin: The University of Oregon just opened a brand new $68 million, 145,000-square foot football facility that would make Ozymandias—but not Phil Knight—blush. It is completely bananas.

 

Not too shabby, right? Must be nice to have the CEO of Nike as an Oregon alum pumping a kajillion dollars into the football program. Wonder if little Asian children built this just like their sneakers. God, listen to me just hatin’ hard as a mothafucka. Imagine getting drafted and the NFL team that picks you has a shittier sports facility? Well that’s what happens to every single player that comes out of this school. Some bullshit right there.

Are The March Madness Uniforms Bad Enough To Make You Not Want To Watch This Year?

 

That Bear Cat print looks like something straight out of Scarface. Not sure who spearheaded this operation but I hope them and their boss got fired. As much as I complain about what the uniforms look like, I’ll still be watching the 12pm game on my computer, constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure no one at work notices. What else am I suppose to watch in the month of March?

Brent Musburger And Kirk Herbstreit Made A Mess In The Press Box Last Night

 

Introducing Katharine Webb. Former Miss Alabama, AJ McCarron’s girlfriend, and now frequent visitor of Brent Musburger and Kirk Herbstreit’s spank bank. How awkward and unnecessary was that little break in the action? Don’t get me wrong, showing her cheering in the stands and explaining who she is was fine in my book, but when you go to the lengths these guys did, it gets a little weird. Almost makes you wonder if they forgot they were on air. I guess they needed to do whatever they could to take the focus off of the raping that was occuring on the field.

Side note: By the sound of his voice, it would not surprise me if Brent was unzipped and choking himself with his microphone chord the very next commercial break.

Someone Filmed A Butt Chug Over The Weekend

 

Oh college how I miss thee. Times, however, appear to have changed a little bit. Butt chugging is now a thing as well as stuffing alcohol soaked tampons in your ass. I don’t get it but who am I to judge? This is coming from the guy who smoked chewing tobacco out of a bong for some reason. Anyway, this kid is one hospital visit away from a news press conference to deny he ever had a tube funneling beer into his rectum.

This Little Bastard Was The Only Person In The World Who Picked Baylor over K-State

 

BAYLOR fans didn’t even pick their team over number 1 seeded Kansas State, yet 5-year old Braden Pape knew goddamn well that K-State was gonna blow it. This little man appeared on ESPN College Gameday Saturday morning and boldly predicted this upset in front of Chris Fowler, Lee Corso, and Kirk Herbstreit. All three analysis laughed at the kid when he made the pick and Corso gave his smug “not so fast” remark but Braden just sat their and smiled as if he knew something we all didn’t. And apparently he did. And if you think Little B was just picking teams based on colors, think again. He had stats and info to back up every pick. ESPN, get this kid a job!

Clip below is not the Baylor pick, but Lee Corso also calls the kid a midget.

A College Experience To Remember…

 

Came across this story on Deadspin and had to share it! College is an amazing place but cougars are more amazing…

 

Back in the spring of ’97 my alma mater, the University of Arizona, improbably won the basketball national championship by beating three #1 seeds. As such, the 40,000 students decided to celebrate (read: “riot”). When the cops started to pepper spray the crowd, me and my buddy Rich decided to ditch the overturned cars and bonfires to find our own party.

At that time in Tucson, all liquor sales ended at 1am, so we were determined to pick up a couple of bottles of whatever we could lay our hands on before that time. So we headed over to the closest liquor store that wasn’t completely packed with people with the same idea as ours. Finally, with literally minutes to spare, we got in line at a liquor store with two bottles of vodka and three twenty four packs of beer (yes, it was just for us, but we figured we’d find our friends as the night wore on and we’d be heroes for having the foresight to pick up beer and liquor while they were busy running from the cops in riot gear). I then noticed that the girl ahead of me in line was this hottie from my astronomy class. I didn’t know her name, but that didn’t stop me from chatting her up as we waited to ring up our purchases.

She was in line by herself, so I asked where her friends were. She told me that her mom was in town so her friends had basically ditched her to go hang out with the crowd and get wasted outside the judging eye of an adult. She then said, “But I swear, my mom is really cool!” So I asked what her plan was and she basically said that she was headed back to her mom’s hotel room to watch the kids partying/rioting on the local news. It was then that Rich piped up and invited them to our place to wait on our friends and the inevitable party that would break out once the cops broke up everything. She agreed quickly and introduced herself to Rich as “Ashley” (not her real name since I can’t remember it).

When Ashley got done buying her Zima or whatever girlie drinks she had got she told us she was going to grab her mom and meet us outside. After she exited the store I looked at Rich and said “dibs on Ashley . . . you can have the mom”. We chuckled and he said we would just have to see where the night took us.

We met up with Ashley and her mom outside, who has in her mid to late 40’s and wasn’t all that bad looking. I could see where Ashley got her good looks from. Fast foward to our place and it turns out that Ashley’s mom WAS cool. She even took a couple of bong rips and the four of us were in full-on party mode.

I proceeded to get hammered, as did Ashley. By this time it was about 3 in the morning and our friends hadn’t yet shown up, but I didn’t care because I could tell things were going great with Ashley and that I was probably going to bang her. Rich was a good friend and had taken Ashley’s mom on a tour of the house (which is hilarious since it was a total typical off-campus dump). So I went to make my move and Ashley was receptive. After about ten minutes of making out I suggested we go to my room. Ashley quickly said yes and we got up to go. As we were walking down the hallway though we could hear the unmistakable sound of Rich banging the ever-loving crap out of Ashley’s mom. She was literally screaming, telling Rich “HARDER! HARDER!”

Ashley got this awful look on her face and I knew at that moment that not only was I not getting laid that night, but that I would probably have to drop that easy-A astronomy class just so we would never have to see each other again. Ashley then started knocking loudly on Rich’s door, trying to yell over her mom’s screaming, telling her that they had to leave. Ashley’s mom either didn’t hear or didn’t care because they kept going at it for another 20 minutes while we stood outside the door to Rich’s bedroom listening to him defile that cougar in what I could only imagine was every way possible.

When the screaming and squeaking bedsprings died down to just some heavy breathing, Ashley knocked again and tried the door handle. The door opened right up (of course he didn’t lock it – that would have been the smart thing to do) and there was Ashley’s mom, naked, wiping her vag with a handtowel while Rich laid on the bed, equally naked, laughing to himself. Ashley told her mom to get dressed and that she would meet her outside because she wanted to go home.

As Ashley’s mom walked out she told us thanks for the good time and then said to Rich, “I hope Ash isn’t too pissed. If she tells my husband I’m so screwed.”

I saw Ashley every once in a while on campus after that, but we made it a point to never make eye-contact. I couldn’t be pissed at Rich though. I did tell him that he had to take the mom.