How Bout The Guy Who Tried To Burn His Apartment Down Cause He Can’t Jerk Off With His Door Open

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SunSentinel: A Florida man is facing an arson charge after police say he set fire to a Tampa apartment complex to get back at the management for requesting that he no longer masturbate in front of the windows or the open door, according to the Tampa Bay Times. The fire occurred Monday at the Mar Plaza Apartments in the unit where 58-year-oldĀ Kenneth Haskins lived. The fire was started in both the kitchen and the bedroom and was spread using a flammable liquid, the newspaper reports. Haskins, who’s disfigured from when he shot himself in the face, is being held in the Hillsborough County Jail on a $50,000 bond.

 

How much does this guy suck at life? Tries to kill himself with a bullet to the head and now he just looks like he took a Mike Tyson right hook in his sleep. Then, he gets caught beating off with the front door open and fails at trying to burn his apartment complex down. One of the ultimate C’MON MANS!

Side note: Thanks to Terry for this

 

The Snowboarding Event In Sochi Might Have The Hottest Women Around

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With all the terrible PR/horror stories we are already hearing out of Sochi, there might actually be another problem for the Winter Olympics. The women’s snowboarding participants are hot enough to melt all of the snow. Seriously, is there some kind of hotness requirement for this event?

Silje Norendal (Norway)

 

Linn Haug (Norway)

 

Alexandra Jekova (Bulgaria)

 

Claire Bidez (USA)

 

Elena Hight (USA)

 

Principal Calls Parents About Snow Day In Epic Fashion

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EliteDaily: The principal of Stephens Elementary School in Kentucky has a great sense of humor, and he likes to make sure the parents of his students are well-aware of the fun he incorporates into his job. This video shows the principal and another official, possibly a teacher, creating a voice message to be sent to the parents of Stephens Elementary informing them that the school will be closed due to snow. But since leaving an ordinary message would be boring, the two deliver the news in the form of a hilariously epic song that makes us all very jealous of the students lucky enough to have a principal like this guy.

 

My question is how many parents still took their kids to school the next day thinking this was a prank phone call? I know my ass would’ve been standing in front of a locked school door if my mom was taking that call.

Girl Throws Guy Out Of House Unless He Impregnates Her Cause We Live In ‘Murica

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I don’t feel bad at all for this Chris Tucker sounding dick right here. Yea, this girl sounds nuts but from what I’m picking up she’s not all there in the head in the first place. Dude is just having fun with her at this point because he knows the camera is rolling. Listen playa, you go to Walmart in the middle of Pennsylvania to pick up chicks and of course you’re coming home with Honey Boo Boo’s mom. Allow me to redirect you to THIS SITE for more on that.

Side note: This might be the first time in history a black dude has turned down sex because he was worried about knocking up a chick.