San Francisco’s Mayor Embarrasses New York With Wager

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Daily News:

Mayor Bloomberg is betting an iconic San Francisco cable car will be flying Giants flags once Big Blue punches its ticket to the Super Bowl by beating the 49ers Sunday. Bloomberg and his Bay Area city counterpart, Mayor Ed Lee, engaged in a friendly wager and some trash talking Wednesday. If the Giants win, Lee will send Bloomberg some of his city’s classic sourdough bread and hang Giants’ flags from a cable car. But if the 49ers triumph in the NFC Championship showdown, Bloomberg agreed to rename the Theater District’s 49th St. “49ers Street” and send Lee a dozen bagels from Bagel Oasis in Queens. “After Sunday, Niners fans will be left with a taste as sour as their famous bread, and the Giants will have their sights set on another trophy,” Bloomberg said. Lee countered that “the Giants will have to leave their hearts and their Super Bowl hopes in San Francisco.” Bloomberg encouraged New Yorkers to wear blue on Friday to send the Giants off on a victorious West Coast trip.

 

Good thing our bajillionaire mayor has enough faith in the Giants to bet a bag of bagels on ’em. But that’s OK because I know the only reason he had to stoop so low was because the San Fran mayor can’t even come close to matching anything Bloomjew threw down. It’s kinda like when you’re down to your last chips in poker and you just say “fuck it, I’m all in.” Well in this case all in is a loaf of sour dough bread and a street name. Hey Mayor Lee, keep your sour dough bread to yourself, wave our flag all over your city, and we’ll send a private jet for you and your wife so you can sit front row at our championship ceremony at Gracie Manor. Oh yea, and please name the best weed in your pot shops “Elite Big Blue.”

Opossum Causes D Train Evacuation

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HuffPost:

A surly straphanger curled up underneath a seat caused a Bronx-bound D train to be evacuated early Friday morning. The New York Times reports an opossum was spotted on the train sometime after leaving Coney Island at 4:30AM, warming up by a heating radiator. It remains unclear how or why the opossum boarded the train, although one animal expert wonders if it was drawn to the heat or the smell of food. Passengers were given the boot from the train when it got to West 4th Street, where officials tried to collar the creature but retreated when it “bared its teeth and snarled.” The train was then brought to a subway yard in the Bronx where it was to be met by Animal Care and Control agents, who were to remove the opossum but who have not yet confirmed that they’ve done so…

 

First we have enormous pre-historic sized rats in Foot Locker and now opossums commuting on the D train uptown. What the shit is going on? Opossum’s are just over sized rats so let’s not try to make it sound like its “only an opossum.” These things are just as nasty as subway rats so yes, I wouldn’t want to be riding in this car but why an evacuation? Move people to another car and keep that train moving! If I’m awake at 4:30am and trying to get to my job and get rerouted because of this I would be so pissed I would probably go home and take the day off. How many alternate trains do you think are running at 4:30am down on W 4th St. and how much motivation do you think I would have to walk to another train? None. Take a pic of the opossum, email it to my boss, and call it a day.

 

It’s That Time Of The Year For The Annual Polar Plunge

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Look, it’s not as bad as it appears! I did it and I’m the biggest pussy there is when it comes to the cold. Even if you aren’t going, donate something because it goes a long way for children with life-threatening illnesses. And for those of you who do come, join us for the after party! Details on that to come.

Where: Long Branch, NJ

When: Feb 4, 2012

What: Polar Plunge (donate whatever amount of money you want)

Why: All proceeds will go to Camp Sunshine (a place where children with life threatening illnesses can go to relax and spend quality time with their family)

For specific details on the event, here is the link and if you have any other questions you can contact us at subwaycreatures@gmail.com

http://www.freezinforareason.com/members/member.php?mem_id=1880

Imagine If Audience Whooo’ing Came In At The Wrong Times?

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MillerTime found this on Tosh’s blog the other day and even though it’s fake, how funny does it make these awkward/serious/sad moments? I mean DJ Tanner is talking about being raped at the end and I’m dying laughing! Chief Henry died this morning…whoooooooooooooo! (girl rolls out in wheelchair) whoooooooooo! Daddy, I just aborted my 8 month pregnancy…whoooooooooooo! OK OK, I threw that last one in there but you get the point.

Just what I needed to start my Hump Day. You’re welcome!

Lepre-Con To Replace St. Patty’s Day Parade!

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In response to the cancellation of the annual Hoboken St Patrick’s Day parade, we are sponsoring the first annual Hoboken Lepre-Con. In the spirit of the Christmas-time celebration of Santa-Con, we are inviting all revelers to carry on the spirit and tradition of the annual Hoboken St Patrick’s Day festivities with our Lepre-Con. Dress up in full Leprechaun garb or other Irish festive gear and head over to Hoboken, NJ from 9am onward on Saturday March 3, 2012. Over the next few weeks, we will coordinate with Hoboken’s local watering holes to ensure that they are well prepared to receive us and keep this tradition alive.
More details to follow…

Link: http://www.hobokenlepre-con.com/

Like I said, you can cancel the parade but no way in hell you can stop people from partying. If this goes over anything like Santa-Con then I expect nothing less than headline news the next morning. We’ll try to keep up with the latest news about this but use the link on this page to keep yourself updated!

Midget Is Paralyzed During Dwarf Tossing; May Have Ruined It For All Of Us

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HuffPost:

A dwarf claims he was partially paralyzed on his birthday when a stranger lifted and heaved him onto the hard ground outside an English pub, according to The Telegraph. Martin Henderson, the victim, blames English rugby players who attended a dwarf-tossing contest at a New Zealand bar during the World Cup for inspiring the hooligan, The Daily Mail says. While smoking a cigarette outside The White Horse in Wincanton on his 37th birthday in October, Henderson says a drunken stranger picked him up and threw him, causing him to land hard on his back, Metro says. Henderson rejoined his friends, who were shooting pool, but soon began to lose feeling in his back and legs. The 4-foot-2-inch man was dropped from three feet off the ground, according to the BBC. An exam at a nearby hospital revealed that he’d suffered nerve damage, and he was released the next day. Multiple sources report that Henderson’s condition has since worsened, due in part to an existing spinal condition. Henderson claims to feel numbness in his lower back and legs. He struggles to maintain his balance, and walks with the aid of braces. For longer distances, he uses a wheelchair. The injuries derailed what he described as a promising acting career. Police have launched an investigation to find the hooded man who attacked Henderson. In the meantime, Henderson is asking for an apology from the English rugby team. Several players — including the captain, Mike Tindall, who’s married to Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter — celebrated a during the World Cup in September with rowdy behavior in a bar that featured dwarf tossing. There’s no denial that the team attended the “Mad Midget Weekender” event. However, the squad’s coach denies that his players participated in the dwarf-tossing, according to The Mirror.

CORRECTION: An earlier version of this story said Henderson demanded an apology from the incorrect English sports team. He blames the rugby team for inspiring the attack oh him.

Hey Martin Henderson, I have BIG plans for this upcoming St. Patty’s Day and if you ruin this for me, I’m gonna be extremely upset. We’re talking multiple kegger, leprechaun tossing, Beer Olympics, that will all come to a screeching halt if this gets banned. Listen, it sucks that you turned out to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but when you’re a midget at an event called the “Mad Midget Weekender” attended by rugby teams, you should expect nothing less. And as for you’re “promising acting career,” the only famous midgets I know is Wee-Man (who isn’t even famous for anything) and the guy with the enormous head from Game Of Thrones (and I couldn’t even tell you his name). That’s as promising of a career that you have to look forward to. Dwarf Tossing is one vote away from becoming a Summer Olympic Event so don’t fuck this up for the world!

Juiced Out And Drugged Up Roid Head Dies After Being Tased In Gym

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Authorities released a surveillance video from the surburban New York gym that shows 32-year-old Chad Brothers knocking over items in the lobby of the gym. He’s then seen pulling down several pieces of exercise equipment in the workout area. The video shows Brothers entering an office off-camera, followed soon after by a police officer with her gun drawn. He was eventually subdued by officers using stun guns. He went into cardiac arrest and died shortly after being taken to an Albany hospital. Authorities say Brothers died of “agitated delirium,” a condition that can result from steroid use.

 

Isn’t this every other day in gyms in the NY/NJ area? You can’t get that last rep up so you instantly go into a full on roid rage session, complete with toppling equipment and sending people running to their cars. Saw something like this on the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore in high school and I’m pretty sure that was the last time I was there. No thanks. I was innocently walking past Midway when a mildly retarded, juiced out, meathead ripped his shirt off and just started hollering at people and families for no reason. You know that feeling when you’re walking on train tracks across a bridge and all the sudden you hear a train coming? Nowhere to go and you know you’re gonna get hit? That’s how I felt. I figured I’d take the Jurassic Park approach and if I didn’t move he couldn’t see me. Well luckily for me he just barked in my face like a dog, I shit my pants, and we all called it a day. Anyway…I’m pretty sure that’s how the few people in this video felt when this guy went on his rampage. Just as helpless as Helen Keller. It’s unfortunate that he died but when you mix PCP, DBalls, and electricity, I’m pretty sure anyone’s heart will stop.

Big Blue Weekend Kicks Off With ‘I Am A Champion’

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Dallas. Check. Atlanta. Check. Next stop…15-1 Green Bay. All corny headline titles aside, I cannot wait until Justin Tuck separates Aaron Rodgers’ shoulders. Everyone keeps saying ‘I wonder what defense will show up’ or ‘I wonder what Eli will show up.’ How about the defense that has showed up for the past 2 weeks just embarrassing the opponents offense or the Eli that is on pace for another Super Bowl MVP truck? What’s even better is when Hakeem Nicks and Victor Cruz are discount double checking and salsa dancing all over the endzone. Also, will someone please shut BJ Raji the hell up? Ya didn’t do shit all year and now you’re gonna open your mouth? You’re Jersey, you ski in your jeans. Sunday can’t come soon enough and I expect every Giants fan to be sporting their blue this weekend!

Side Note: Fuck Tim Tebow and the halo he rides in on. I hate the Patriots but this ESPN coverage NEEDS TO BE STOPPED before my head explodes! Go Pats.

Hoboken Cancels St. Patty’s Day Parade

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NBCNewYork:

The Hoboken, N.J. St. Patrick’s Day Parade has been canceled by its organizers, who said the city’s decision to move the event to a weekday in an effort to cut down on rowdiness was “insulting” and “unreasonable.” In its 26-year history, the event has drawn spectators from throughout the tri-state. Last year, after police made 34 arrests and issued 296 citations for violations like urinating in public and carrying open containers of alcohol, Mayor Dawn Zimmer announced that the 2012 parade would be moved to a Wednesday “to reduce the amount of partying that occurs.” “The city of Hoboken’s inability to protect our spectators, bands and participants led us to this heartbreaking decision,” the parade committee said in a statement Friday. “The idea of marching in a parade, in the dark, on a week night, is as insulting as it is unreasonable.” In a letter to the parade committee last month, Zimmer denied the committee’s request to have the parade on a Saturday, telling the group that the parade is a “great celebration of Irish heritage” that gets marred by criminal activity and other unrest throughout the day. “Residents and business owners suffer significant property damage and crime spikes to unacceptable levels, parents are afraid to let their children play outside and many residents simply feel forced to leave town or close their businesses for the day,” Zimmer wrote in the letter released by her office Friday. “I believe that the public safety concerns pose too much of a threat to our community, and I stand by my decision,” she added. In a statement on its website, the group says it will consider invitations from other communities to march in their St. Patrick celebrations. Zimmer called the parade organizers’ decision “unfortunate” and said the city would come up with its own plan to celebrate Irish heritage. “While the parade is a beautiful event, the impact of everything that happens after the parade in our community, sexual assault, property damage, children can’t walk around on their own, it’s an unsafe environment,” the mayor said in a statement. “That’s what this decision is all about, making sure our community is safe.”

 

You can cancel the parade but you can’t cancel the party. Yes, it won’t be the same not hearing bag pipes and fire trucks driving down Washington but everyone knows St. Patty’s Day in Hoboken is the first Saturday of March. This is absolute bullshit what the city is trying to pull because in reality, all they’re doing is taking the parade away. You can’t stop people from going to bars or throwing apartment parties. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not! People will be puking in the streets, fights are gonna break out, and people will be passed out on the sidewalk. Isn’t that what St. Patty’s Day is all about anyway?!