Soccer Player Melts During Press Conference

subwaycreatures

 

No need to watch all 8 minutes of this clip to see what’s going on. Just keep fast forwarding and you’ll see this soccer player’s shirt go from light blue to dark grey. Is this a press conference or is this guy on trial for murder? I have no idea what kind of questions this guy was being asked but he was sweating like his wife was asking him about where he was the night before and why his dick smells like sex. Dude lost 10 lbs of water weight from talking into a microphone. Can you imagine playing poker with this guy? ‘Ah, Walter do you mind not sweating all over my new poker table? Oh, and I’m gonna go ahead and call your bluff and go all in.’ Must suck to get off the field, shower, reach the press conference in your nice clothes, and sweat more than you did when you were actually on the field. I definitely smell an antiperspirant/deodorant endorsement coming this guys way.

Cell Phone Service Coming To A NYC Subway Platform Near You

subwaycreatures

Cnet – New Yorkers will finally be able to use their cell phones in subway stations–as long as their commute takes them through one neighborhood in Manhattan. The New York Times reported yesterday that cellular service will come to four stations starting Tuesday. AT&T and T-Mobile customers will be able to make phone calls, send text messages, and browse the Internet on their phone underground–something that’s virtually impossible today. The deployment is extremely limited: only four stations in the Chelsea neighborhood on the west side of Manhattan. The initial launch, which acts as a pilot program for a wider rollout of service across the New York subway system, will occur at the C and E platforms at 23rd Street and Eighth Avenue; the A, C, E and L platforms on 14th Street and Eight Avenue; the F, M, and L platforms at the Avenue of the Americas and 14th Street; and the 1, 2 and 3 platforms at the Seventh Avenue station, also on 14th Street. Verizon Wireless and Sprint Nextel customers won’t be able to get the service.

 

Not sure how I feel about this one. Yea it will be great to have internet and text while waiting for the train but it’s only in a couple of stations. The monthly unlimited MetroCard is currently $104 and why do I have the feeling this will bump it up once again? I’ll sacrifice using my phone for the 30 minutes I’m in the subway to keep transportation prices down. But this is all minor compared to the biggest problem I have with it. Last thing I want to listen to is people on their goddamn phones on the train! It’s bad enough with the panhandlers and performances that I have to deal with on a daily basis but now I’m going to have to listen to loud ass fuckers yelling in their phones? Is the MTA really trying to open Pandoras Box here? What is the benefit? Just the other day I saw a black woman publicly disciplining her children on the subway and making a scene. She also pulled the ol’ ‘wait til I tell your father about this.’ Now if this bitch had a phone that worked on the train, the show would have gone on and everyone would have to hear it. Thanks but no thanks MTA!

Sox Pitcher, John Lackey Divorces Wife With Breast Cancer

subwaycreatures

 

tmz.com:

Boston Red Sox pitcher John Lackey has filed to divorce his wife, Krista … who is in the middle of battling breast cancer. Lackey filed on August 30, according to court docs in Texas, claiming “the marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities.” Krista and John got married in November, 2008. Sources close to the family tell TMZ … Krista underwent a double mastectomy back in March and underwent chemo as recently as June. The divorce petition says John and Krista had a prenup. It also says Lackey has “separate property” he wants to keep for himself. Lackey filed the divorce papers using only his and Krista’s initials — a tactic Tony Parker and Eva Longoria … and Sandra Bullock and Jesse James also used in their Texas divorces. It’s unclear why Lackey — who’s struggled on the field all season long — didn’t wait til the off-season, about a month from now, to start divorce proceedings. Lackey’s camp had no comment.

 

What a class act from a has-been pitcher who barely has a record of .500 and an ERA as high as Snoop Dogg during the ‘Up In Smoke’ tour. But that’s probably your wife’s fault too, right? I don’t care if she no longer has breasts, you’re walking out on her during a time when she needs you the most? And she’s HOT on top of all of it. Karma always has a way of coming around and you, Mr. Lackey, are what we call fucked. And not just any fucked. We’re talking the kind of fucked that New England Patriots fans felt when Eli released that ball and all you could see was a WIDE OPEN Plaxico Burress in the corner of the end zone. Your wife is going to beat the breast cancer, have reconstructive surgery, and fuck every player on the New York Yankees, bat boys included. I promise you, my fingers are crossed!

TMI: Mrs. Brady Had Crabs

subwaycreatures

“I made a poor choice (when I slept with John Lindsay), and I woke up the next morning…itchy. I believe in karma, I just didn’t know it would happen overnight or that I would be punished with these little critters. That scared the hell out of me. Have you ever had crabs?”

Gosh thanks Florence Henderson. If there was anything to make my day any worse, I get to picture your hippie bush infested with dirty fuckin lice crawling all over it. I know you’ve been out of the spotlight for a while but why must you insist on letting the world know about this? You wanna hear some breaking news? No one cares! I always said I would’ve loved to be alive in the 60s and 70s. Everyone just doing drugs and having sex all over the place without a worry in the world. Well apparently not. And former NYC mayor, John Lindsay, bought her flowers to apologize? Now THAT’S how you treat a ho! ‘Hey sorry about that STD thing. Here’s a bouquet of roses, don’t sweat it.’ How can you feel bad for Mrs. Brady here? She was married and banging a politician. If you’re not asking for some kind of STD then you really are living in a perfect world in The Brady Bunch.

Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 3

subwaycreatures

 

Coming off a must win game at home on MNF, the Giants go into Sunday down yet another player, Domenik Hixon tore his ACL this week. With a sloppy win against the injury riddled Rams, the Giants face the huge task of going into Philadelphia to take on the Eagles. It’s not looking good for a weak Giants offense going up against a tough Eagles DEF. The Giants secondary also looks shaky with a lot of missing confidence. Not good going up against an offense run by Michael Vick and all the weapons he has at his disposal. Vick will be wearing a specially made Kevlar helmet on Sunday to give him max protection against concussions so we probably will not be seeing him rush as often as usual. That is a huge help to a Giants defense who was taking dives to stop the clock against the Rams. There is not currently a line out for this game but with Vick playing, I would have to assume it’s going to favor the Eagles by at least a field goal. With a shaky Giants team in Philadelphia, have to go Eagles here.

 

The 2-0 Jets fly to the west coast to play the 4pm game against a very underrated Oakland Raiders team. The Jets looked impressive in their win over Jacksonville last week but they should have since the Jags look to be having a rebuilding year. Hopefully keeping the momentum going, Sanchez and his offense will go up against a Raider defense that has allowed 58 points in 2 games. Expect the Jets to pound the ball on the ground just as they did the last time these teams met 2 years ago. The Raider defense cannot stop the run this year and expect the Jets to exploit them even more. No way will this game be within 3 points and I’m taking the Jets in the over at 41.

 

413 New York Jets -3  -115 -175
41 O -110
U -110
21½ O -120
U -110
414 Oakland Raiders +3  -105 +155
17½ O -130
U +100

BREAKING NEWS: The Yankees Hate The Red Sox

subwaycreatures

 

ESPN:

NEW YORK — Adding fuel to baseball’s bitterest rivalry, New York Yankees catcher Russell Martin said he hates the Boston Red Sox and would relish adding to their misery by helping to eliminate them from the playoffs during this weekend’s series between the two teams. “Anything to get the Red Sox out would be awesome for me,” said Martin, who has been involved in the rivalry for one season. When asked why, Martin sounded like the truest Bleacher Creature. “Because I hate the Red Sox,” Martin said. Last winter, Martin almost went to Boston. The three teams most interested in signing him as a free agent were the Yankees, the Red Sox and the Toronto Blue Jays. The Yankees outbid the other clubs and gave Martin the best chance to start. Martin, 28, got $4 million plus performance bonuses.

 

This just in! This just in! A New York Yankee hates the Boston Red Sox and wants nothing but to eliminate their playoff hopes! Oh my God the humanity! Even my 11 year old sister who doesn’t follow baseball knows that the Yankee/Red Sox rivalry is the most heated, competitive rivalry in any sport played. The games reach record lengths, the stadiums sell out, and most of the time at least 2 of the 3 games of the series get nationally televised. Why is this even news that Russell Martin hates the Red Sox? I mean no shit! Poll both clubhouses and give me the names of any player who doesn’t hate the other team and I’m sure you won’t see them on the roster next year. I’m 99.9% sure there is a clause when you sign a contract for either team saying you HAVE to hate the other and eliminate any chance they might have at the playoffs.

 

Despite the way the Sox are currently playing, if they make the playoffs they still have a shot at winning. So yes, if I were Russell Martin I would watch their games with a shit-eating grin rubbing my hands together as they blow their last chance at playoff hopes. And if it means the Yankees can’t sit back and rest players and actually have to TRY down the home stretch then goddamnit do it! This is October we’re talking about here! Fuckin’ New Yawk and Bahston media, I tell ya…

Old Couple Have Fun With Webcam, Don’t Know It’s Recording

subwaycreatures

 

The saying ‘once a man, twice a child’ couldn’t ring more true right here. This guy is LOVING the fact that he can see himself on his computer. Obviously this couple do not have mirrors in their house if they are just now realizing they have cracks and wrinkles on their faces. If this is going to be anything like my retirement then I’m glad I’m currently living in a world where I’ll never be able to retire anyway. You gotta appreciate this guy’s game though. He starts with ‘oh look how pretty your hair is’ and goes straight into ‘pull down yourdress and show your boobies.’ Fuckin old people!

Sidenote: Thanks for hitting STOP before shit got wild in that room.