And Your Caption Contest Winner Is…

Ashley G. – “May I have your attention please. I’m raising money for my basketball team by selling these anime porn pillows. Would you like to support my basketball team?”

There were a bunch a great entries this week but for anyone who has ever rode a subway train in NYC, you’ve seen the kids selling candy for their basketball team. Nailed it on this one. Think you can do better? Join the next caption contest by “LIKING” CitySubwayCreatures on Facebook and every Thursday we will have a new picture. Thanks for everyone who participated!

https://www.facebook.com/CitySubwayCreatures

Sixteen Year Old Dies From Jerking Off 42 Times

 

m24digital.com:

A 16-year-old boy died after masturbating 42 times without stopping in Rubiato town, in Goiás region, Brazil.

His mother told a local newspaper that she already knew about his son’s addiction and that she planned to see the doctor, but the decision came too late.

The young man began to masturbate at midnight and spent the whole night to compulsively touch himself.

At school, his classmates commented on the boy’s problem and some said he asked them to connect to the webcam for being observed.

They further said that his attraction to women was extreme; he was attracted to all kind of women, regardless of texture physics, color and age.

In his room a great amount of pornography was found, including photographs and videos of nude women that were saved on his PC.

 

Death from masturbating 42 times? How am I alive? Just too many questions unanswered here. What is the possible cause of death in this case? How does one masturbate until they die? Is this really possible? I can see if this kid was strangling himself or had heart problems, but I don’t know if this is plausible otherwise. And let’s get one thing out of the way. If jerking off is an addiction then ‘Hi my name is Dick and I am an addict.’ The kid is 16 years old! Of course he’s gonna spend his Friday night beating that shit up. I remember it like yesterday when I would run up to the computer and fire up the ol’ AOL dial-up modem. The entire house would know I was signing on because of how loud it was and half the time I would cut my mom’s phone calls off. There was nothing very discrete about it if you remember. At that age you’re looking for anyway possible to change up your method so when I hear 42 times, I think this kid hasn’t even made it out of the single A minor leagues yet.

 

Now I can’t help this kid out when it comes to the ‘being observed’ part of the story but hey, everyone’s got their own thing. But the other part that had me confused was when they said ‘he was attracted to all kinds of women, regardless of texture physics.’ I love that my man didn’t discriminate but can someone please explain to me what this means. Does this mean plastic blow up dolls and/or hairy chicks? Either way dude, go online and find one of the million websites out there. Who the fuck jerks off to naked photographs anymore?

Japanese People Love Getting Stuffed On Their Subway

So some of you may have seen this before. I know it looks like the 6 train during rush hour on a Monday morning but this is actually  the daily commute in Japan. They actually have workers whose job it is to pack these trains as tight as they possibly can. I’m claustrophobic as all hell and it was hard to watch these videos. Can’t even imagine what it’s like in there. I think I’ll wait for the next one guys, thanks! People just nose to nose breathing all over each other. And what happens when they get to the next station and those doors open? It must be like those little fake cans of peanuts that have the spring inside them. BAM! Just people all over the platform.

It would be a pretty cool job to have though. I would line up like a D-line man and just bull rush that door. Yea people might get hurt but hey, that’s the risk you take by riding the Japanese subway. And why don’t they have Sumo wrestlers doing this? Wouldn’t that help speed the process up a little? It looks like they pick the smallest assholes around to pack these trains. Just think about these poor fucks next time you’re whining that you’re packed on a train and maybe you’ll have a new appreciation.

Dude Hanging Out On The Subway

Shirt? Check. Hoodie? Check. Black socks? Check. Shoes? Check. Well, time to start my day on the good ol’ E train! When I see videos like this, I don’t blame the asians for walking around with bio masks on. This makes me never want to sit on a subway car or even hold onto the railings. I swear I’m currently in the process of learning how to “subway surf” or ride the train without having to touch anything. It’s a lot easier with the shocks they have on the new trains since the older trains are basically like riding one of the runaway mine shaft cars from Indiana Jones. Once I’ve mastered it I promise to pass the technique on to everyone.

Oh, and what is this guy actually doing during the whole video? From the looks of it, braiding his Sasha Grey-like pubes.

Shinin’ Them Shoes!

Well Jesus Christ! Just look at the shin on those shoes! I don’t know why this guy isn’t running a shoe shining business with how much dedication and determination he’s putting into this. And as always, the people sitting around him just go on as if it’s just another day on the NYC subway which is actually the truth. With the shit I’ve seen on those trains, I wouldn’t even touch my shoe with my hand, let alone put my tongue to them. Now here’s the million dollar question. Where the fuck is he going that he needs his shoe THAT clean cause I’ll tell you right now it ain’t a job interview. Maybe it has nothing to do with needing his shoe cleaned. Maybe he accidentally dropped his crack on his shoe and he’s just trying to get his money’s worth. Either way I give this guy 24 hours to live before he comes down with some mutated disease and turns the NYC subway into a scene from the movie 12 Monkeys.