So by now, unless you live on Mars, you’ve heard the story about Trayvon Martin who was walking down the street with a bag of Skittles and was shot to death by a neighborhood watch looney. So now Geraldo Rivera is coming out and saying that this would have never happened if he wasn’t wearing a hoodie and that parents should not let their kids leave home wearing them.
Listen Riv, not for nothing but check the mirror. Whoever told you leaving home with that ridiculous mustache was a great idea should be locked up cause if I saw you walking on the street, I would 110% mistake you for a pedophile and probably shoot you on spot. Only difference is that I’m pretty sure I’d get away with it cause no one would give a shit. Plant some pics of me as a kid running around in my underwear on ya and get the hell outta there. Open and shut case!
So I’m hoping my St. Patty’s Day party doesn’t turn out this way on Saturday but I’m starting to feel as if it might. Us Irish get whiskey in us and all the sudden it’s a combination of Wrestle Mania and Animal House. If I wake up and there’s $100,000 worth of damage to my house I’m gonna be really pissed. I’ll probably go back to sleep, but I’ll be really pissed.
After doing some research and getting some help from outsiders, it’s becoming more and more obvious that this “Kony 2012 Campaign” is bullshit. I was sent this article below and it sums up most of the suspicions I had and everyone should probably look more into it before donating money or spreading the cause. I also attached the link at the bottom if anyone is curious where it came from.
THERE is growing outrage in Uganda over a viral internet film viewed by more than 32 million people in four days that suggests Africa’s longest-running conflict is still raging in the country’s north. The 30-minute video, Kony2012, was produced by three American videographers campaigning for greater efforts to capture Joseph Kony, the leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA). But Kony and his diminishing troops, many of them kidnapped child soldiers, fled northern Uganda six years ago and are now spread across the jungles of neighbouring countries. “What that video says is totally wrong, and it can cause us more problems than help us,” said Dr Beatrice Mpora, director of Kairos, a community health organisation in Gulu, a town that was once the centre of the rebels’ activities. “There has not been a single soul from the LRA here since 2006. Now we have peace, people are back in their homes, they are planting their fields, they are starting their businesses. That is what people should help us with.”
Joseph Kony, a former church altarboy, has spread terror through eastern and central Africa for almost three decades, as he has pursued an aimless war that has killed thousands of people and at one point forced hundreds of thousands from their homes. The video, from Invisible Children Inc, an activism organisation, was posted to YouTube and Vimeo, a film-sharing site, on Monday night and by late on Thursday it had been viewed 32,600,000 times. It aims to make Kony “famous” by encouraging supporters to plaster US cities with posters, in order to make the fight against the Lord’s Resistance Army an issue of “national interest” to Washington. That, the video’s makers claim, will ensure funding for 100 US military advisors sent to train African armies to find Kony will continue. “Suggesting that the answer is more military action is just wrong,” said Javie Ssozi, an influential Ugandan blogger. “Have they thought of the consequences? Making Kony ‘famous’ could make him stronger. Arguing for more US troops could make him scared, and make him abduct more children, or go on the offensive.” Rosebell Kagumire, a Ugandan journalist specialising in peace and conflict reporting, said: “This paints a picture of Uganda six or seven years ago, that is totally not how it is today. It’s highly irresponsible”. There were criticisms that the film quoted only three Ugandans, two of them politicians, and that it spent more time showing the filmmaker’s five-year-old son being told about Joseph Kony than explaining the root causes of the conflict.
Invisible Voices has faced criticism over its finances. Of more than £6 million it spent in 2001, less than £2.3 million was for activities helping people on the ground. The rest went on “awareness programmes and products”, management, media and others. “It is totally misleading to suggest that the war is still in Uganda,” said Fred Opolot, spokesman for the Ugandan government. “I suspect that if that’s the impression they are making, they are doing it.
HuffPost: Cops jailed a Florida man and his girlfriend on Monday after the two allegedly attacked his mother because she used his salsa and taco sauce without permission, according to police reports obtained by the Smoking Gun. Christopher Phillips, 23, started arguing with his mom, 55-year-old Rebecca, “because Rebecca used Christopher’s salsa and taco sauce on her dinner,” an officer wrote. The saucy swindle apparently enraged the man — he allegedly put his mother in such a crushing headlock that her glasses broke. Christopher Phillips then went into another room to relay the horrific news to his girlfriend, Lisa Tyre, who then also began yelling at the mother. That argument escalated, leaving Rebecca Phillips with two smacks to the face and a cut lip. When her son wouldn’t let her have the keys to her car to leave, she walked to her husband’s workplace, where they called cops. Christopher Phillips was charged with domestic battery and held on a $750 bond. Tyre was released on her own recognizance the same day she was arrested.
So I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Christopher is on the left? Or no, the right? I’m sure the cops asked the same thing when they showed up. OK, so which one of you is Chris?
Are times really that tough that you need to pull a power move like a headlock on your own mother for eating your taco sauce? I mean how hard is it to replace taco sauce and salsa? Imagine if she ate his filet mignon that had been defrosting? Good ol’ Chris would be on death row right now. Nah, just kidding. Something tells me Christopher has never had a nice steak in his life if he’s this bent outta shape about 99 cent taco. Kinda reminds me of the time when my college roommate ate my last Ramen Noodles and I threw his laptop out the window. Seemed like a fair trade at the time.
A 70-year-old man from Zimbabwe narrowly escaped a crocodile attack as he crossed the Chivake River with his pants off — but he lost part of his testicles and suffered a few broken bones in the melee. Jonah Maturure told the Sunday News that he’d taken off his trousers and put them in a tomato box above his head before he crossed the river. He’d crossed the same spot in the same river several times before, but this time, a giant croc was waiting for him. “I was not suspecting anything … But when I was almost in the middle of the river I was attacked,” he told the news website. “It mauled a chunk of my buttocks before attacking my manhood, tearing my testicles into shreds. The skin covering my manhood was partly torn but I quickly put my thumb in its mouth … It then grabbed my hand and I could hear my bones cracking.” Realizing that he wasn’t going to save his personal possessions, he threw his tomato box in the river, The Sun reported. That move may have saved his life. The beast loosened its death grip and swam straight for the tomato box. Maturure escaped, bleeding profusely from his nethers, and ran to a nearby house for help. The battle was just one of a string of crocodile attacks recently in Gutu, an area with a spread-out population of just 78 people per mile.
Wouldn’t wanna live through this. That’s all I was thinking while reading this. But hey, you cross a murky river with no pants on just dangling your dick in a croc’s face, you get what you deserve, right?
No way in fuckin’ hell I would cross a river in Zimbabwe, pants or not. I’ve watched way too much Planet Earth to know better than that. Croc’s are just the beginning of what would swallow your dick whole. Piranhas, snakes, and hippos are all on the list of animals that would love to just rip your manhood off and not even think twice about it. If I watched a croc eat my balls off and feed them to it’s young, I would swim over and let it finish the job. No point in living after that but something tells me Jonah will be taking the long way around the river next time.
So Halfy here had parts of his brain and skull removed after he was driving on drugs, hit a pole, and flew through his front windshield. Somehow doctors were able to save him and just like any person who was just used as a human projectile, Halfy is right back at it smoking weed on Youtube. I mean, the brain is so overrated anyway, right? Other than people being able to eat cereal out of the top of his head, I was trying to think of other advantages to having this guys dome. Maybe half price hair cuts, he gets high that much quicker, and immune to zombies. So, uh, pretty much it blows.
HuffPost: NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Peter Kantorowski wanted his 98-year-old mother to move into a nursing home or live with him. She wouldn’t go; she didn’t want to leave her home of nearly 60 years. Finally, Kantorowski went to court – and served his mother with an eviction notice shortly before her 98th birthday in December. Mary Kantorowski says she won’t leave the small yellow house she’s been in since 1953, raising her two sons and cooking for the church she attended daily. The house her late husband wanted her to stay in until she died; the house she says is her “everything.” “I don’t know why he wants me to leave,” she said Friday. The epic mother-son feud is headed to court next month. Peter Kantorowski, 71, became the owner of the Fairfield home several years ago when his mother transferred ownership to him but retained the right to live there, in what’s known as a quit claim, Mary Kantorowski’s attorney said. The retired taxidermist said he’s concerned about her well-being, that she’s seemed disoriented and has been living in poor condition. “I’m not throwing her on the street,” he told WTNH-TV in New Haven. “At her age, at 98, I’m sure that she should be with people of her peers. She should have her meals on time.” Peter Kantorowski and his attorney didn’t return telephone messages left by The Associated Press on Friday. Mary Kantorowski’s attorney, Richard Bortolot Jr., said she can take of herself, still does some of her own cooking and is seen regularly in her home by doctors and nurses. A judge ruled she was competent and appointed Bortolot to represent her in the eviction. Her younger son, Jack Kantorowski, says his mother is in relatively good health. He’s on his mother’s side of the family feud. “If there is a money problem or anything else, he should have said something a long time ago instead of just trying to get rid of his own mother,” Jack Kantorowski said. Peter Kantorowski, who lives about 20 minutes away in Trumbull, hasn’t seen his mother for eight months, her attorney said. “I’m appalled a son would do this,” Bortolot said. Jack Kantorowski said his father worked multiple jobs to buy the house and built additions over the years. “He was always trying to protect my mom; she’d always have a place to live,” he said. “If something happens to me, there was always going to be a home for her to stay for the rest of her life.” Peter Kantorowski filed a complaint against his mother in December after she refused to follow an eviction notice filed Nov. 30 to vacate the premises by Dec. 7. A trial is set to begin March 2 in Bridgeport Superior Court. Bortolot says a probate court stopped Peter Kantorowski from trying to sell the house, valued at $330,000, after the eviction papers were served. Asked where she might live next, Mary Kantorowski’s voice catches. “I don’t feel very good about it,” she says. “I want to stay right here in my own home.”
Right off the bat let me say I hate this guy. This is the woman who gave birth to you, raised you, and made you the person you are today and for her 98th birthday you kick her out of the house she’s been living in for 60 years. What the fuck do you care what your mother is doing at home, you haven’t spoken to her in 8 months anyway! You know what Peter, I say if she has to go, you have to too. I don’t like the way you’re living over there in Trumball and at age 71, you’re a candidate for assisted living as well. There are three things that are absolute kryptonite for old people: Stairs, solid food, and taking them away from what they’ve known all their life. Example. Andy Rooney retires from a TV show he’s done all his life, month later dead. Joe Paterno forced into retirement, soon after, dead. Something about changing old people’s routine that kills them.
So ultimately, yes, she’s probably unable to walk around and shitting her pants on spot, but at least she’s happy and alive doing it…asshole.
TMZ: NY Giants star running back Ahmad Bradshaw has apparently developed an extra-special relationship with former “Jersey Shore” star Angelina Pivarnick … TMZ has learned … but the Staten Island Dump insists they’re NOT officially dating. Angelina was at Saddle Ranch in L.A. yesterday … when we asked point blank if they were together … and we were met with an uncomfortable silence … followed by, “I’m not dating him … like, no.” Pivarnick explained, “We’ve hung out together … we’re really close, he’s a cool dude.” “I think he’s a hot black … I’m not gonna deny that. I would be lying if I told you he wasn’t hot.” Angelina recently posted a photo of the two lookin’ all cozy at a NY club a few weeks ago — they look platonic to you?
Ahmad Bradshaw, you just won the Super Bowl…what are you going to do next??? Angelina Pivarnick! Dude, is this fucking real? Out of all people why the hell did it have to be her? You should be out crushing Kate Upton and Kim Kardashian like Mark Sanchez, not has-been reality whores who are completely irrelevant in today’s society! You need to totally redeem yourself by banging some super model ASAP! Make this go away now!
Harold Wayne Hadley, Jr., 19, was arrested at a Mississippi junior college after he allegedly wrote a note on a piece of toilet paper on Tuesday, containing the word ‘bomb,’ according to Weirdnews.net. The note prompted 11 emergency agencies to respond to the school, but there was no bomb. Hadley and his family contend that he was only explaining the joy of flatulating in the library. “He was in the restroom doodling on some toilet paper … we are from the country, and he calls passing gas, bombs,” said Hadley’s aunt, who wouldn’t give her name to WDAM. “[He] put ‘I passed a bomb in the library,’ talking about passing gas, and somebody came in and found it, gave it to a teacher that recognized his hand writing and it blew all out of proportion.” Investigators wouldn’t say exactly what Hadley wrote, but WDAM reports that it was no more explicit than “I passed a bomb in the library.” Hadley was arrested and held on $20,000 bail. If convicted of threatening to blow up the school, he faces 10 years in prison and a $10,000 fine, according to WAPT. His aunt says he earned straight A’s at Jones County Junior College and was scheduled to graduate in May.
Hey Harry, don’t worry man. There’s nothing funnier than a good fart joke, just use better terminology next time. Ever since 9/11 people have been a little uptight about the word ‘bomb’. No joke, I’m playing with a fart machine at work as we speak. Here’s a couple for you to use next time: cut the cheese, ripped ass, butt burp, petarded, farted, ass acoustics, backdraft, tear ass. Oh yea, ‘sharted’ too but you have bigger problems if you’re using that one. I’ve heard of farts being called bombs before and if this was anything like those, it must have been pretty bad. If Harold Wayne Hadley gets 10 years for farting in the library and writing about it, I’ve lost all faith in our justice system. The only injustice here is that no one is laughing about this except for me.
Side note: He was explaining the joy of flatulating in the library. By far my favorite line of this story.
Well look at what I found! Imagine looking down and there’s a baby in your pants? This has to have been the calmest, most laid back child birth ever. No pushing or pain. Just ‘Hunny, our kid just fell out.’ The only thing I can honestly say ‘thank god’ for is the fact that she was sitting down. She’s clearly so loose that the kid woulda just fell out onto the floor. Hopefully they got to the hospital safely (as long as the driver stopped filming) and the baby is OK.
Side Note: How about in 10 years when this kid has the awkwardness of watching himself get spit out of his mom’s vagina on the Whitestone Bridge on Youtube. Love to watch the ‘reaction video’ to that.
SubwayCreatures 