Category: Sports

Tables Turn, This Time It’s Tiger Who Has A Weiner Thrown In His Face

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Gawker:

The Frys.Com Open, by far the most prestigious of all electronics-retailer-website-sponsored golf tournaments, was thrown into chaos today when a deranged fan, armed with a hot dog in a bun, sprinted towards Tiger Woods on the seventh green. Here’s how Woods, who was preparing for a birdie putt at the time, recalls it:

“Some guy just came running on the green, and he had a hot dog, and evidently … I don’t know how he tried to throw it, but I was kind of focusing on my putt when he started yelling.”

The 31-year-old, frankfurter-wielding assailant managed to launch the meat as far as the putting surface (the lighter and less aerodynamic bun barely reached the green), when he was arrested by Santa Clara sheriff’s deputies. Police described him as “very cooperative” during his arrest, though unforthcoming with any motive.

“He just shook his head in guilt or remorse. He didn’t give a reason why he did it.” […]

Dan Diggins, head of security for tournament sponsor Frys Electronics, said the man would be arrested for “everything” and described him as “just an idiot.” Woods, who has reached a level of deep inner-peace in his life — at least where matters of projectile wieners with his name on them are concerned — remained calm throughout the ordeal, but missed his 18-foot putt.

 

Can we officially call this karma? TW just slingin’ dick all over the place for years and Warren from ‘Something About Mary’ comes running onto the green to slap him in the face with a weiner. Gotta love this guy. He knew immediately he was done and gave in but I feel like if you’re gonna do this then go all the way. At least make security sack your ass! There’s nothing less intimidating than golf security too. Out of shape, middle aged men running at you as quietly as they can in a polo with khakis. If anything I would of been more scared of the retard running onto the green than he was of security. Best part about the whole thing was Tiger missed his putt right after. You suck….jackass!

 

Philly Sports Made NY Sports Seem Not As Bad This Weekend

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Yankees missed the team bus to game 5, Devils and Rangers lost their season openers, Giants and Jets both fell short of comebacks. This was a weekend where one of the few times in my life I actually wished I was living as a vegetable in a hospital bed so I didn’t have to witness New York sports. The only thing to cushion the blow was the fact that the Phillies were upset at home Friday night and the Eagles ‘Dream Team’ keeps on dreamin’ of a win. Hey Philadelphia, misery loves company so welcome to the party. The reason it was worse than NY’s weekend was that your billion dollar baseball team lost in the first round of the playoffs in a season they were expected to win every game and your billion dollar football team is in the cellar of the NFC East. I hate the fact that the Giants sucked but thank Christ I don’t have to spend another week listening to you obnoxious Philly fans. With no basketball in sight, I guess it’s on to hockey for the city of brotherly love where I’m sure somehow you’ll still manage to bomb that season.

Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 5

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Despite all the injuries they’ve endured, the Giants are playing smash mouth football right now and that streak will continue right into this weekend. Seattle comes to GIANTS STADIUM Sunday where they are 1-6 all time. With not much to offer on either side of the ball, I’m actually surprised they are only receiving 9 points in this game. Expect the G-Men to light up the scoreboard and the defense to have another solid week and if Tuck returns, things might even get uglier. No fucking way do the Giants win this game by less than 9 points and I’m all over the U/O at 43.5.

419 Seattle Seahawks +9½  -110 +350
43½ O -110
U -110
17 O -115
U -115
420 New York Giants -9½  -110 -450
27 O -110
U -120
Week 5
Now…onto the goddamn Jets. I cannot fuckin predict one thing right with this team. They are all over the place. Not that it gets any better going into New England this weekend but the only light I can see at the end of the tunnel is how bad the Patriots defense is. No, I’m not saying the Jets are going to win this weekend but the 9 point spread has me scratching my chin. No doubt the Patriots will put up big numbers but I’m thinking the Jets might do the same thing. If Sanchez can put that miserable display of football last week behind him and actually throw an accurate pass, then they might be able to keep this game close. Also expect the Jets to do a lot of running in this game. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the Jets will lose but not by more than 9 points. Definitely taking that over at 48.5.
423 New York Jets +9  -110 +350
48½ O -110
U -110
20 O -110
U -120
424 New England Patriots -9  -110 -450
28½ O -125
U -105
Week 5

A Yankees Fan Vents…

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So just like any Yankee fan who woke up this morning, my friend needed to vent about the ridiculousness of last night. He asked me if he could send me something to post so of course I obliged. Anything to talk a friend off the ledge. In my opinion the right team won last night and if the Yankees plan on competing next season, they have a number of issues to address. But I’ll let Drags do the talking:

 

YANKEES BATS SAVED GIRARDI’S JOB
by Chris Drags

Last night the Yankees pulled off what took the Red Sox a full month to do
and did it in 1 day; they collapsed. They lost to an above average, but not
stellar, Detroit Tigers team at home, on their stage, playing by their rules
and were flat out embarrassed.  Don’t let the score fool you, the Yankees
were the worst team in baseball last night; and that is an indisputable
fact. They were 2 for 9 with runners in scoring position, 0 for 4 with the
bases loaded and they left 11 runners stranded; clearly this is the result
of $200 million at work.  It was not only frustrating as all hell but simply
sad.  The Yankees are a team that gloat more than Rex Ryan on a good day
about ‘Championship or bust’ but have only delivered on this once in the
past past decade.  The only aspect that came through last night was the
bullpen; the runs coming from starting pitchers; Nova’s two solo home runs
and CC’s “relief” ER.

The batting, their proclaimed strength, was abysmal throughout the entire
series and may have saved Girardi’s job; he can’t make ’em hit. A-Rod had an
A-Rod series batting .111,  Texiera continued to prove that he’s only a
glove at .167, Swisher, though entertaining as the Yankee Joker (dance for
us Swisher!!) continued to show that it’s  not all fun and games batting an
improved .211 and Martin, while putting on a clinic behind the plate, hit an
abysmal .176; maybe he would have done better against his hated Red Sox?
Jeter and Granderson (.250), Cano (.318), Gardner (.412). This leaves Posada
who hit an impressive .429 but was left looking like a sad child who keeps
wondering why no one wants to play with him; it was his last game as a
Yankee and he was the only one who played like a Yankee!!

It’s time to clean house.

Posada should get some sort of memorial in Yankee stadium, not monument
park, something equivalent to one step down as he won’t be on the team next
year.  Swisher, don’t let the door hit you on your giggling ass on the way
out.  Colon and Garcia served their purpose but need to make way for the
Killer B’s.  Chavez (who was kind of on the team) and Jones are gone.
Montero, IN.  Texiera is a $22.5 million glove and A-Rod is clearly past his
prime and an at best #5 hitter.   Cano, Granderson and Gardner are the only
redeeming qualities on the batting side, as long as Cano stops smiling like
a giddy school girl every time his hits a  home run; you’re team was still
down 3-1 and A-Rod was up next, the inning was over!! If second half Jeter
and Nova show up next year, and CC falls off the Captain Crunch wagon they
won’t fall on anyone’s chapping block.  It’s time to put Hughes in the
bullpen full time and bring up the Killer B’s (Banuelos and Betances) and
let them pull their version of the Rays utilizing home-grown pitching who
mow people down. It’s also time to cash in on Burnett’s one good game of the
season and trade him away for ANYTHING YOU CAN GET, even offer to pay $6
million of his contract.  Use the remaining $10.5 for a long innning relief
pitcher who is not Cory Wade and a quality second left handed reliever to
relieve Logan; this gives the killer B’s a security blanket next year.

Last night will not be the last time the Yankees make it to the post season,
not in a long shot, but last night did demonstrate why Cashman can’t go out
and buy up all the big money guys who play only during contract years.  It’s
time to find a new core four and let Jeter and Mo teach them the Yankee ways
before there aren’t any true Yanks left.  It was more than a chink in the
armor, it was a fatal blow.  Girardi has one year left to prove he can Billy
Beane his way to another championship, otherwise, next year this time, his
head will be where the Yankees bats are.

Was This Marion Barber’s First TD Ever?

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Nothing like pulling off the traditional 350 degree back flip to celebrate your first TD of the year. And he missed the first 3 weeks of the season due to a calf injury? I mean I wouldn’t want to play for the Bears either but c’mon man! All he needed to do was injure himself on that play and it would’ve summed up Chicago sports for ya…

Giants/Jets: Week 4 Outlook

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Coming off a stunning victory in Philly, the NY Giants demoralized the Eagles at home and showed the ‘Dream Team’ that money can’t buy wins. A lot of people, myself included, did not see that coming. Hopefully Big Blue’s momentum will carry over into Arizona where the Giants stunned the world in Super Bowl XLII. As long as the defense can do what they did in Philly, I don’t see how the Giants can’t win this game, even with the -1. The real challenge in this game will be to hold Larry Fitz in check which will probably be a huge task for an already slacking secondary. Antrel Rolle will be returning to his former home which will hopefully amp up his play. Also look for the emergence of Viktor Cruz to become even bigger. Even though Mario Manningham is back, Cruz showed that he can make the big plays in big moments last week. With Osi possibly making his debut this season, I’m all over the Giants -1 and taking the over at 44.5. Too much offense in this game.

 

227 New York Giants -1  -110
44½ O -110
U -110
228 Arizona Cardinals +1  -110
Week 4
In another upset special, the NY Jets were tossed around like a rape victim last week in Oakland. My projection for that game couldn’t have been farther off. I never saw Darren McFadden treating that Jets DEF like a pop warner team. Not only could they not stop the Raiders but the offense looked just as stagnant. With the talent the Jets have, you wonder where the problems lies. Is it Schotty? Is it Sanchez? Is it Rex? Whatever it is, it needs to change immediately this week against a dangerous Ravens team on Sunday night. After 3 weeks the Ravens have impressed with Ray Rice and will go up against a Jets defense that has had a LOT of trouble stopping the run. Derrick Mason and Rex Ryan will both face their former teams which hopefully means they will both go into the game with a chip on their shoulders. If the Jets line can hold then expect a close, low scoring affair in Baltimore. If not we could easily see the Jets at 2-2 and 0-2 on the road. We all saw what the Ravens offense can do to a team with a solid defense (i.e. Steelers). I still like the Jets with the +3 points and the under at 42.
235 New York Jets +3  +100 +160
42 O -110
U -110
236 Baltimore Ravens -3  -120 -190
NBCWeek 4

Bigger Meltdown: ’11 Red Sox or the ’04 Yankees?

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The word ‘unbelievable’ does absolutely no justice to what took place last night. Hollywood could not write a better script. Commentators and analysts alike were speechless and could not exactly describe what they had just witnessed but knew immediately that it was a special night in sports. The Boston Red Sox blow a 3-2 lead in the bottom of the 9th inning and the Tampa Rays overcome a 7-0 deficit in extra innings to beat the New York Yankees. It didn’t matter who you were a fan of (other than Sox fans) last night because the stars aligned and something we will probably never see again took place. A rain delay and extra innings caused both games to end almost simultaneously and both in dramatic fashion.

 

This was beyond the ‘bottom of the 9th, bases loaded, with 2 outs scenario.’ This was playoff spot on the line, a team in the midst of self destructing, and a city that wouldn’t give up. Tampa fans had their eyes glued to the out of town scoreboard with fingers crossed, hoping the Red Sox would somehow blow a lead with their closer, Jonathan Papelbon, on the mound. As I was switching back and forth between games, I watched as the Orioles tied the game on a hit and knew that the Tampa fans were going to go crazy. Sure enough the place erupted. Then, $142 million outfielder Carl Crawford couldn’t make a diving play and the Orioles won the game in dramatic fashion in the bottom of the 9th inning. I switched right back to the Tampa game waiting for the scoreboard to glow. Sure enough, the fans went so crazy that Evan Longoria had to step out of the batters box to take in what was going on. Tampa had a chance…

 

Literally 3 minutes later, Longoria made contact with a ball that looked like might only be a double off the wall but somehow landed on the opposite side of the yellow line. He said it himself, that was probably the only place in the park that the ball would’ve gone out. Instant chills. The way everything went down last night was something that is hard to explain unless you are a sports fan and were actually watching. I had no interest in any team playing but I understood the impact of it.

 

Now this brings up today’s question. Who had a bigger meltdown? The ‘heavily favored to win the World Series’ Boston Red Sox went 7-20 down the stretch and blew any chance they had at the playoffs. This is not even considering the dramatics of last night when they blew a 3-2 lead in the bottom of the 9th inning to the last place Orioles. We also cannot forget the ’04 Yankees who were up 3 games to none over the Red Sox to go to the World Series. A comeback of this magnitude had never been done before in baseball and also ended the 86 year curse in Boston. Who you got?

 

Soccer Player Melts During Press Conference

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No need to watch all 8 minutes of this clip to see what’s going on. Just keep fast forwarding and you’ll see this soccer player’s shirt go from light blue to dark grey. Is this a press conference or is this guy on trial for murder? I have no idea what kind of questions this guy was being asked but he was sweating like his wife was asking him about where he was the night before and why his dick smells like sex. Dude lost 10 lbs of water weight from talking into a microphone. Can you imagine playing poker with this guy? ‘Ah, Walter do you mind not sweating all over my new poker table? Oh, and I’m gonna go ahead and call your bluff and go all in.’ Must suck to get off the field, shower, reach the press conference in your nice clothes, and sweat more than you did when you were actually on the field. I definitely smell an antiperspirant/deodorant endorsement coming this guys way.