Category: Sports

Sox Pitcher, John Lackey Divorces Wife With Breast Cancer

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tmz.com:

Boston Red Sox pitcher John Lackey has filed to divorce his wife, Krista … who is in the middle of battling breast cancer. Lackey filed on August 30, according to court docs in Texas, claiming “the marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities.” Krista and John got married in November, 2008. Sources close to the family tell TMZ … Krista underwent a double mastectomy back in March and underwent chemo as recently as June. The divorce petition says John and Krista had a prenup. It also says Lackey has “separate property” he wants to keep for himself. Lackey filed the divorce papers using only his and Krista’s initials — a tactic Tony Parker and Eva Longoria … and Sandra Bullock and Jesse James also used in their Texas divorces. It’s unclear why Lackey — who’s struggled on the field all season long — didn’t wait til the off-season, about a month from now, to start divorce proceedings. Lackey’s camp had no comment.

 

What a class act from a has-been pitcher who barely has a record of .500 and an ERA as high as Snoop Dogg during the ‘Up In Smoke’ tour. But that’s probably your wife’s fault too, right? I don’t care if she no longer has breasts, you’re walking out on her during a time when she needs you the most? And she’s HOT on top of all of it. Karma always has a way of coming around and you, Mr. Lackey, are what we call fucked. And not just any fucked. We’re talking the kind of fucked that New England Patriots fans felt when Eli released that ball and all you could see was a WIDE OPEN Plaxico Burress in the corner of the end zone. Your wife is going to beat the breast cancer, have reconstructive surgery, and fuck every player on the New York Yankees, bat boys included. I promise you, my fingers are crossed!

Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 3

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Coming off a must win game at home on MNF, the Giants go into Sunday down yet another player, Domenik Hixon tore his ACL this week. With a sloppy win against the injury riddled Rams, the Giants face the huge task of going into Philadelphia to take on the Eagles. It’s not looking good for a weak Giants offense going up against a tough Eagles DEF. The Giants secondary also looks shaky with a lot of missing confidence. Not good going up against an offense run by Michael Vick and all the weapons he has at his disposal. Vick will be wearing a specially made Kevlar helmet on Sunday to give him max protection against concussions so we probably will not be seeing him rush as often as usual. That is a huge help to a Giants defense who was taking dives to stop the clock against the Rams. There is not currently a line out for this game but with Vick playing, I would have to assume it’s going to favor the Eagles by at least a field goal. With a shaky Giants team in Philadelphia, have to go Eagles here.

 

The 2-0 Jets fly to the west coast to play the 4pm game against a very underrated Oakland Raiders team. The Jets looked impressive in their win over Jacksonville last week but they should have since the Jags look to be having a rebuilding year. Hopefully keeping the momentum going, Sanchez and his offense will go up against a Raider defense that has allowed 58 points in 2 games. Expect the Jets to pound the ball on the ground just as they did the last time these teams met 2 years ago. The Raider defense cannot stop the run this year and expect the Jets to exploit them even more. No way will this game be within 3 points and I’m taking the Jets in the over at 41.

 

413 New York Jets -3  -115 -175
41 O -110
U -110
21½ O -120
U -110
414 Oakland Raiders +3  -105 +155
17½ O -130
U +100

BREAKING NEWS: The Yankees Hate The Red Sox

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ESPN:

NEW YORK — Adding fuel to baseball’s bitterest rivalry, New York Yankees catcher Russell Martin said he hates the Boston Red Sox and would relish adding to their misery by helping to eliminate them from the playoffs during this weekend’s series between the two teams. “Anything to get the Red Sox out would be awesome for me,” said Martin, who has been involved in the rivalry for one season. When asked why, Martin sounded like the truest Bleacher Creature. “Because I hate the Red Sox,” Martin said. Last winter, Martin almost went to Boston. The three teams most interested in signing him as a free agent were the Yankees, the Red Sox and the Toronto Blue Jays. The Yankees outbid the other clubs and gave Martin the best chance to start. Martin, 28, got $4 million plus performance bonuses.

 

This just in! This just in! A New York Yankee hates the Boston Red Sox and wants nothing but to eliminate their playoff hopes! Oh my God the humanity! Even my 11 year old sister who doesn’t follow baseball knows that the Yankee/Red Sox rivalry is the most heated, competitive rivalry in any sport played. The games reach record lengths, the stadiums sell out, and most of the time at least 2 of the 3 games of the series get nationally televised. Why is this even news that Russell Martin hates the Red Sox? I mean no shit! Poll both clubhouses and give me the names of any player who doesn’t hate the other team and I’m sure you won’t see them on the roster next year. I’m 99.9% sure there is a clause when you sign a contract for either team saying you HAVE to hate the other and eliminate any chance they might have at the playoffs.

 

Despite the way the Sox are currently playing, if they make the playoffs they still have a shot at winning. So yes, if I were Russell Martin I would watch their games with a shit-eating grin rubbing my hands together as they blow their last chance at playoff hopes. And if it means the Yankees can’t sit back and rest players and actually have to TRY down the home stretch then goddamnit do it! This is October we’re talking about here! Fuckin’ New Yawk and Bahston media, I tell ya…

Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 2

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Giants failed everyone in NY last week and now they must make a statement on MNF. Week 1 was a ‘feel’em out’ game and we know what we’re working with now. No more room for mistakes. Rams come into this game with just as many injuries as the Giants and in key positions. Bradford has a hurt finger, Jackson has a strained quad (kind of important at his position), and Amendola is basically done for the year with a broken arm. No excuses for the Giants this week in the Meadowlands! I love the Giants -6 against this struggling Rams offense. I also like the over at 44 since the G-Men will be scoring a lot more than last week.

 

227 St Louis Rams +6  -110 +230
44 O -110
U -110
 

 
228 New York Giants -6  -110 -270  

 

 

The Jets played in a tough week 1 game and just like they were able to do last year, pulled off the win in the last remaining seconds. If you’re trying to tell me that the Jets aren’t going to beat Jacksonville by more than 8.5 points this week, you’re either crazy or a Jaguars fan. Jacksonville is awful this year and don’t even have a grasp on who is playing the most important position on the field for them. The Jets offense will be on the field most of this game and just raking in the fantasy points. At 39.5, I’m going under since I think the only way it’s going to get close to that is if the Jets score 40 points themselves.

 

201 Jacksonville Jaguars +8½  -110 +350
39½ O -110
U -110
 

 
202 New York Jets -8½  -110 -450  

 

Seattle Seahawks QB Strikes It Rich!

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Now this is how you market your product!!!

Let’s face it, the Seattle Seahawks are a frigging joke, and quite honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the last time you ever read about them on the entire web.

But, for being so awful, QB Tavaris Jackson actually won a prize.  NuVo condoms are sending him a box of condoms as part of their ‘extra protection’ program.

Jackson was the most sacked (5) QB of week one, so he is the lucky winner.

NuVO plans to keep this campaign up all year.

What a great idea, the last thing we need in this world is for another NFL player to end up with 7 children with women from different states, a la Antonio Cromartie.

Here is a recent Cromartie family Holiday Card: (Don’t be a fool folks, wrap your tool!)


Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 1

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Week 1 and could it have gotten off to a better start?! Yea I had Jordy Nelson riding the pine on my fantasy team but 76 points later the game was decided on the 1 yard line. Now comes the big opening weekend for the Giants and their quest for another Super Bowl and the Jets and their quest to win the AFC Championship.

Giants:

469 New York Giants -3  -110 -155
37½ O -110
U -110
20 O -120
U -110
470 Washington Redskins +3  -110 +135
17 O -120
U -110
Regular Season Week 1
With a depleted defense and now Justin Tuck in question for Sunday’s game, the Giants offense is going to have to step up big. They usually play well against the ‘Skins but they are far from 100% healthy. That being said, have to go with Giants -3 here. Even with the injuries they’ve had, the offense has looked pretty good and the defense has been able to hold their own for the most part. 37.5 as an over/under is being pretty modest and might have to do with it being the first week of the season but I don’t see the Redskins being able to hold the Giants offense down and they certainly won’t get blanked on the scoreboard. I’m going over. Week 1 is always hard to judge but Giants fans have to keep faith.
Jets:
477 Dallas Cowboys +5  -110 +200
40½ O -110
U -110
17½ O -120
U -110
478 New York Jets -5  -110 -240
23 O -110
U -120
NBCRegular Season Week 1
Terrorism will never prevail in NY and it won’t hold back Jets fans from opening up the season on 9/11. A pretty big matchup here for both teams as Dallas tries to get a huge jump to their season. They have a double threat at receiver in Dez Bryant and Miles Austin but Austin, if he plays, is injured. Jason Witten will most likely see a number of targets that Bart Scott will have to lock down. The Jets offense just has too many weapons for the Dallas defense to stop and with a sloppy secondary, they will probably get exposed. Both teams will be playing like it’s the Super Bowl and it’s a nationally televised game on 9/11. Advantage Jets. I’m going with the Jets to win but not by more than 5 pts. Also taking the under on 40.5 points.

Tom Brady Manages To Make Uggs Look Gayer Than They Actaully Are

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Congratulations Tom Brady! Somehow you’ve taken something gay and have made it even gayer. No rap music or awesome camera angles could even come close to saving you in this new commercial. Osama bin Laden’s friend who ratted on him didn’t even sell out as bad as you! I’m talking about the hair, the public appearances, the fashion shows, etc. Your smoking hot wife owns every aspect of your life and I’d be surprised if she doesn’t sit in the box during your games with a headset on calling plays. I remember watching the story of how you came up through Michigan and started crying about where you got drafted. No one died and you didn’t get a career ending injury, you were crying about where you got drafted! I remember when I cried in 2nd grade because I didn’t get to play on my friends soccer team and I got slapped in the face and told ‘grow up.’ Look at me now, struggling to get by in NYC but at least I’m not crying on national TV like a bitch. I hope the Dolphins destroy your reconstructed knee on Monday and Gisele has to push you around in a wheelchair.

NY Giants LB Jonathan Goff Lost For Season

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NJ.com:

For the Giants, incredibly, it can get worse. And it just has. After losing three cornerbacks, defensive tackle Marvin Austin and backup linebacker Clint Sintim to season-ending injuries in the past month, the Giants will now be without their starting middle linebacker Jonathan Goff, who suffered a torn anterior cruciate ligament, according to someone informed of the injury. The person requested anonymity because the Giants haven’t yet commented on the situation. Someone else informed of the specifics of the injury, who also asked not to be named, said Goff knocked knees with a teammate in practice on Monday. He left to ice his knee, but was still having issues today, so he went for an MRI that revealed the full extent of the injury. The person said linebacker Kawika Mitchell is on his way for a visit and might be added to help fill the void created by the loss of Goff. Mitchell has not yet been signed, though. Mitchell, 31, was with the Giants in 2007, though he played the weak side while Antonio Pierce manned the middle. Mitchell also played for Giants defensive coordinator Perry Fewell for all of 2008 and five games of 2009 before suffering a season-ending injury. As for options on the roster, the team has left itself nothing but rookies behind Goff. Greg Jones, a sixth-round pick, was impressive in spurts in the preseason but is nowhere near ready to assume such a role as the starter in the middle. Undrafted rookie Mark Herzlich saw some time in the middle, but like Jones, moving into a starting role after a short offseason and training camp, would be a stretch. The backup in the middle during the preseason was Phillip Dillard, the team’s fourth-round pick last year, though he was waived and not added to the practice squad. Goff, a fifth-round pick in 2008 who has worked to become a more complete player, was in line for a sizeable payday after the season, as this was the final year of his rookie contract. He now joins cornerback Terrell Thomas, wide receivers Steve Smith and Domenik Hixon and linebacker/defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka as Giants who suffered serious injuries in their contract seasons over the past two years.

So at least we know that the NY Giants practice squad will be starting on Sunday afternoon. Jesus Christ I’m scared to even say this but just when you think it can’t get any worse, somehow it gets worse. I’m contemplating running down to the TIMEX field, suiting up, and jumping on the line of scrimmage. Giants’ fans hang in there. I’m still predicting a ‘W’ on Sunday! And on a side note, the Giants defense/special teams is still somehow ranked above the Jets…

Terrelle Pryor Isn’t Very Smrt

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Kids across America that are soon starting another school year, let us give you a quick tip; Do Not, I repeat, DO NOT cheat off of any kids whose fathers may play for the Oakland Raiders, because doing so will keep you in 3rd grade for years to come.

Reports have been surfacing today that the Oakland Raiders rookie Quarterback, Terrelle Pryor , scored a 7 on his Wonderlic IQ Test.  That’s 7 out of 50…or 14% for you math nerds out there.

NFL teams IDEALLY want their QB to score around 21 on this test (aka be smarter than a piece of cow dung).  The highest score of an active QB in the league belongs to the Buffalo Bills Ryan Fitzpatrick (GO BILLS!).  Fitz scored a 48 on the test in only 9 minutes.  But I guess you can say he cheated because he did play his college ball at Harvard, and wasn’t involved in some very bad off-the-field decision making that made him leave school early, ahem Pryor

Now does having a horrible score translate into a shitty NFL career?  I don’t think there is an answer to that, but if your reading this blog on the toilet(and just smiled bc you really are), take a courtesy flush and read more about the correlation in this Sport’s Journal article.

 

Update: Here is an exclusive video of Pryor’s reaction to his test scores: