Man Is Saved Last Second After Trying To Jump In Front Of Train By Colombian Cop

 

Is this as big of a problem everywhere else than it is in NYC? Every other week I feel like someone is flinging themselves on the subway tracks here. Out of all the ways you could kill yourself why would you jump in front of a train pulling into a station? The trains aren’t moving at top speed and there’s a chance it won’t even kill you. I would be so pissed if I was trying to kill myself and just got my legs steamrolled. If things were bad enough before, NOW you have even more reason to kill yourself. Here are my top 5 worst ways of offing yourself:

5) Jumping off a building – I’m terrified of heights as it is and the fact that I could accidentally land on someone on the ground is pretty unfair of me.

4) Cutting down the river – I have no problem with the sight of blood but slitting my wrists kinda seems painful and the fact that I have to sit there and watch myself bleed out sounds boring.

3) Jumping in front of a train – See above.

2) Setting yourself on fire – Why would anyone want to torture themselves like this? You literally live most of the time you’re burning and going through the worst pain ever.

1) Diving in a wood chipper – I know this sounds crazy but I heard a story a little while back of a guy who took his wallet out of his pocket and nose dived into one of these bad boys. I only hope it was a quick death for his sake.

 

So What Was With All The Bodies In The Subway Over The Weekend?

HuffPost: This past weekend, New York City’s subway system experienced four deaths in less than 24 hours. The Associated Press reports that all of the incidents took place on Saturday, and police say none of the victims were related. The first death occurred on Saturday morning at 2:01 a.m. at an R train station in Elmhurst, Queens. According to The Wall Street Journal, the victim is believed to have fallen down the stairs. The AP adds that he was reportedly in his 60s. About six hours later, the AP reports that a man in his 20s was struck and killed by an L train on 14th Street in Manhattan. Daily Intel adds that he was standing on the tracks between 3rd Avenue and Union Square. The Wall Street Journal identified the victim as Brian O’Mara of Garden City, N.Y., and put his time of death at 8:25 a.m. The third fatality occurred on the A line Saturday afternoon in Brooklyn at the Nostrand Avenue station. The Wall Street Journal writes that a little after 4 p.m., an MTA employee spotted a body on the tracks within the subway tunnel. On Saturday evening, the fourth death took place on the L line in Manhattan. The New York Daily News reports that at about 10 p.m., a man’s head was spotted between a subway car and platform within the Sixth Avenue station.

 

So apparently Death was in town riding the subways on Saturday and just leaving bodies all over the place like it was Jonestown. Is that a rat at the end of the platform? No, looks more like a human head. Oh, ok. Sounds like some Final Destination kind of shit and wherever that 5th victim is who made it out alive, you don’t have very long before you cross the street and get crushed by a garbage truck.

 

Woman Jumps In Front Of F-Train After Hearing Of Kim K. And Kris Humphries Divorce

Gothamist.com:

Last night, just before 8 p.m., a young woman jumped from the platform onto the tracks as a Brooklyn-bound F train pulled into the Delancey/Essex Street station. Passengers were quickly removed from the train (though some were stuck in the dark for up to 30 minutes) as the FDNY pulled the woman from the tracks. But on the plus side, it appears the woman will be okay? According to Animal New York, “The conductor was reportedly overheard telling her, ‘Just don’t move, okay?’ and she responded, ‘Okay.'” The FDNY tells us that the woman, whose name and age they didn’t have, was transported to Bellevue “alert and conscious.” The MTA had no further information on the incident.

 

Well, she didn’t really jump in front of the train because of Kim Kardashian’s divorce but it wouldn’t surprise me if she did it because she couldn’t take hearing about it in the news anymore. I was tempted myself when I saw that C-Train speeding into the station this morning, but this is exactly how my luck would go. I can’t take hearing about the Kardashians and Biebers and occupy wall street anymore so I throw myself onto the tracks of an oncoming train only to break my arm and have to pay thousands of dollars in medical bills. Life’s a bitch sometimes isn’t it?

Lesbo Treats Train Tracks Like Living Room

There’s gotta be nothing scarier than seeing a person voluntarily chillin’ on the subway tracks like they are on their couch at  1PM on NFL Sunday. Apparently these two lesbians got into a fight on the platform and the one decided to make a point by killing herself. I understand people act in the “heat of the moment” but hun, you just got gay marriage legalized and this is your next move?! Who knows, maybe that’s what this whole argument is over. Da Brat sitting on the tracks, realized her girlfriend wanted long term commitment and this was the only other option. And how about the chick in orange’s method of snapping sense into her by dumping a Big Gulp of beer all over her? Lady, that third rail behind your girlfriend’s head has enough electricity running through it to turn her into a crispy piece of bacon. Liquid is doing more harm than good at this point. Just too many weird factors going on here which makes me very suspicious.

Finally, you can clearly see the train in the background stopped and waiting for this bitch to get out the way. If I were watching all of this from the front car window, I would be so fuckin mad at this ending. If you’re going to delay me from getting somewhere then at least give me a good excuse to be late. I understand the train stopped but hey, if you wanna off yourself, turn around and grab hold of that third rail and let’s see some fireworks.

“Sorry I’m late boss, a woman jumped on the tracks and wanted to kill herself but she decided not to and just climbed back onto the platform and carried on her day.”

“Well that’s unfortunate for you. You’re getting docked pay and now I need you to come in on Saturday.”

BULLSHIT!