Remember growing up when your parents would always tell you not to put your face over the fireworks you were about to light? Well this is kinda like that only with a high powered shot gun. People like this deserve to get Kurt Cobain’d because if you’re stupid enough to put your face over the barrel of a shot gun that you just pumped 2 rounds into, I can’t feel bad for you. If the hat you’re wearing on your head has a hole in it that looks like a gaping asshole, you know something went wrong. Now go buy a lottery ticket because today is your lucky day.
HuffPost: Cops jailed a Florida man and his girlfriend on Monday after the two allegedly attacked his mother because she used his salsa and taco sauce without permission, according to police reports obtained by the Smoking Gun. Christopher Phillips, 23, started arguing with his mom, 55-year-old Rebecca, “because Rebecca used Christopher’s salsa and taco sauce on her dinner,” an officer wrote. The saucy swindle apparently enraged the man — he allegedly put his mother in such a crushing headlock that her glasses broke. Christopher Phillips then went into another room to relay the horrific news to his girlfriend, Lisa Tyre, who then also began yelling at the mother. That argument escalated, leaving Rebecca Phillips with two smacks to the face and a cut lip. When her son wouldn’t let her have the keys to her car to leave, she walked to her husband’s workplace, where they called cops. Christopher Phillips was charged with domestic battery and held on a $750 bond. Tyre was released on her own recognizance the same day she was arrested.
So I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Christopher is on the left? Or no, the right? I’m sure the cops asked the same thing when they showed up. OK, so which one of you is Chris?
Are times really that tough that you need to pull a power move like a headlock on your own mother for eating your taco sauce? I mean how hard is it to replace taco sauce and salsa? Imagine if she ate his filet mignon that had been defrosting? Good ol’ Chris would be on death row right now. Nah, just kidding. Something tells me Christopher has never had a nice steak in his life if he’s this bent outta shape about 99 cent taco. Kinda reminds me of the time when my college roommate ate my last Ramen Noodles and I threw his laptop out the window. Seemed like a fair trade at the time.
Not sure what the hell is going on in this clip but might have to lean with real. No one smashes a picture over their head on purpose, right? But then again, why the hell is a picture randomly falling off the wall at the most perfect time? What do you think? Real or Fake?
UPDATE: Definitely real. Her chair bumps the picture and that’s why it falls. Who has a self portrait of themselves like that. Bitch got what she deserved.
HuffPost: HAVELOCK, N.C. — Police say a North Carolina man is dead after he accidentally drank from a jar of gasoline and then smoked a cigarette. Havelock police received a 911 call about 9:55 p.m. Monday after 43-year-old Gary Allen Banning set himself on fire. Banning was transported to UNC Burn Center in Chapel Hill, where he died early Tuesday morning. City spokeswoman Diane Miller said investigators believe Banning was at a friend’s apartment when he apparently mistook a jar of gasoline sitting by the kitchen sink for a beverage. After taking a gulp, he spit the gas out and got some on his clothes. Sometime later, investigators say Banning went outside to smoke a cigarette and burst into flame. Havelock police and the city fire marshal are continuing their investigation.
Continuing their investigation? Sounds like an open and shut case to me. This might sound crazy but do you know why you aren’t allowed to smoke at gas stations? Rumor has it that gasoline is highly flammable. So if you just so happen to get some on you, or even drink some, you’re considered highly flammable. But leave it up to someone in the south to have gasoline sitting in a jar on the counter so someone can mistakenly drink it. At least they said it was a mistake. I call bullshit. You can smell gasoline from a mile away so I’m trying to understand how one might accidentally pick up a jar of it and drink it like it’s a Big Gulp from 7-11. Anyway I hope kids learn the lesson from this story…don’t live in the south.
Showing up to the workplace wearing nothing but a bush around your dick, saying you’re good with your hands is not gonna get you a job my friend. I don’t know how things work south of the border, but here all it will get you is taken down by the police and/or possibly tased. After all that rolling around on the ground, I’m pretty sure the female cop got pregnant and the male cop had this guy in the big spoon position. Couldn’t pay me enough money to deal with this shit. Call for backup and wait it out. And how about these guys documenting this dude like they were the Discovery Channel following some uncivilized African tribesman praying to the Sun Gods? That’s some Emmy Award winning shit right there.
TheRegister: The email addresses and passwords of more than a million users of the YouPorn sex chat site were exposed to all and sundry this week following a coding error that went undetected for years. The data – which identifies customers of the smut site, exposing them to potential embarrassment as a result – might also be used in attempts to hack into more sensitive accounts maintained by the same potential victims. Those that use the same or similar passwords for more sensitive accounts (webmail, Facebook, PayPal etc) are most at risk of attack. Grumble-flick vault YouPorn – unlike porn portal Brazzers, the victim of a similar recent attack that also exposed customers data – wasn’t hacked. Instead careless programmers left unencrypted sign-up information on a public-facing web server.
Who the fuck logs in for porn anymore? Is this not 2012? Type the site in, click the vid, and bam you’re good to go! If you’re giving out personal info on porn sites then you deserve to be hacked. ‘Nuff said…
TSG: A jilted boyfriend is facing a variety of felony charges after he allegedly placed a series of phony Craigslist ads directing men to the Oregon home of his pregnant ex-girlfriend for sexual encounters. According to investigators, Andre Jermaine Flom, 31, placed more than three dozen fake Craigslist ads in a bid to torment Catlin Moser, his former girlfriend. Flom’s harassment campaign allegedly began in November, around the time he was convicted of strangling the 29-year-old Moser, who last year secured a restraining order against Flom. One Craigslist ad included Moser’s name, Portland address, and the claim that “I’m very real, looking for a sexy guy to come give me what I need, hit me up! I’m super horny.” Another ad claimed that the victim was “lookin for a guy, or guys to take turns givin it to me good!” A probable cause affidavit filed yesterday in Circuit Court notes that Moser told police that “after one of the ads she had about 15 men show up to her home asking for sex.” Other phony ads directed respondents to the victim’s home, where they could dig up a Japanese maple tree or take a children’s play structure in the yard.
What a great day for blogging. We got drunk chicks on the NJ Transit, assholes giving away $26,000, and now this tool putting up fake Craigslist ads about his ex-girlfriend. I won’t knock his game though because I was actually laughing reading what he posted on there. Listen, I know it’s scary cause one of these guys could have been a killer and his ex is preggos but guess what, no one got hurt so now we can laugh about it, alright?
I had someone do this to me once and let me tell you, literally a minute after the post went up my cell phone started ringing with people asking me weird questions. Obviously I had no idea what was going on but after the 5th caller in 5 minutes, I asked what the fuck was going on and figured it out. Don’t worry, I got the person back 10 times worse but my point is that people must troll Craigslist like they are paid to do it. This chick is lucky she lives in Oregon or that number probably would’ve been 100 dudes looking for sex.
Oh yea, do you know how pissed I would be if I came home and someone was digging up a massive maple tree from my backyard?
I don’t feel bad for the seller in this story one little bit. You know this dude was sitting on his computer at home laughing that the other guy just bought a useless safe for $120. Who’s laughing now? I absolutely love how the buyer tagged up this dude’s eBay comment wall letting him know what he just found. ‘Oh you wanna sell me a useless safe for $122? Well I just profited $25,878 from that deal dickface.’
And how about the seller hitting him up for half of the $26,000?! I guess he’s got balls but honestly how easy is it for him to say ‘if it were me I would definitely give him half.’ Well it could’ve been you but it wasn’t. And no kidding the buyer won’t reveal any info on himself. The seller will probably take that $122 he made from this deal and put a bid on eBay for a gun with some bullets, track this guy down, and take back the $26,000. Sorry dude, sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles.
SubwayCreatures 