Gawker: A three-year-old Filipino girl pronounced dead last week did a strange thing at her funeral ceremony yesterday: she woke up. The Philippine Star reports on the incident, which was publicized after a video of the funeral went viral and confirmed by the local police department: [Police inspector Heidi] Teelan said while they were not the proper authority to confirm the medical case, but based on the accounts of the child’s parents, the 3-year old girl experienced severe fever for days and was brought to the clinic in the town for medical attention last Friday. “During that time, the attending clinic personnel and physician confirmed that the young patient had no more pulse and was clinically dead last Saturday morning about 9 a.m.,” Teelan said. An attendee saw the unnamed girl’s head move while arranging the coffin. Someone then checked the girl’s pulse and found that she was alive. The girl was given water, taken back to a medical clinic for evaluation, and returned to her family home. According to Teelan, the police “can not make confirmation on the status” of the girl, but believe she remains “in a state of comatose” at the house.
Well that was a close one, huh? I guess thankfully they’re not embalming bodies in the Philippines either. Pretty sure this is how superheroes are created–or shit, maybe the villains too.
Hallelujah! My prayers have been answered. Can’t begin to tell you how annoying these little bastards are. I’ve been on crowded subway cars before where they actually tell people they can’t stand/sit in certain spots so they can perform. Then, as they are climbing all over the poles they narrowly miss kicking people in the face. Listen, I get that they are just trying to make a buck and the tourists eat this shit up but enough is enough. You wanna make money dancing on poles? I heard you make a lot of money in NY strip clubs these days. And don’t even give me the ‘it’s better than them selling drugs on the street’ bullshit. No kidding but so is GETTING A REAL JOB. Go join a dance team or after school group if you want to express yourself artistically by dancing.
Side note: I have to say though, an arrest on your record seems a little extreme for this. Wouldn’t a ticket suffice?
Now I’m not sure if people are filling these things with helium or what but why is this all of the sudden happening all over? Bouncy houses have been around forever and only until now are they blowing away like a tumbleweed in the desert. Just last month a bouncy house in NY launched 50 feet in the air dropping a kid on a parked car and luckily no one was seriously injured. Same goes for this one. Is this the end of the bouncy house as we know it?
Sao Paulo – As a claustrophobic person I can tell you that this is my ultimate nightmare. Not sure how far that drop is over the side of the balcony but I would certainly contemplate jumping. If this is what the subway looks like a couple weeks prior to the World Cup then I don’t even want to imagine what it will look like come the first game. Forget a terrorist bomb–getting crushed to death would be my main fear!
Gawker: According to video obtained by TMZ, Beyoncé’s sister Solange attacked Jay-Z in an elevator at an after-party for last week’s Met Gala. TMZ’s sources said the attack took place at the Standard Hotel, just after the Gala ended. It’s unclear what prompted the attack, but in the video you can see Solange approach Jay-Z—yelling, according to TMZ—before shoving, pushing, and then kicking him as he stands next to Beyoncé. At one point, another man in the elevator, possibly a bodyguard, tries to hold her back but she still gets off one more kick, which a very calm Jay-Z catches. TMZ also notes that the man hits a button in the elevator—possibly to prevent the elevator from opening mid-fight in front of the party.
Welp, I guess this is why you pay for a bodyguard to follow you around all the time–in case your sister in-law decides to go all Jean Claude van Damme on you. What could Jay-Z possibly have done to warrant this? The dude is one of the most calm cool collected people in the world. Whatever it was she didn’t look too happy and I’m sure Christmas at the Knowles residence is gonna be a little weird.
Side note: Shouts to that bodyguard for hitting the elevator button to keepthe doors closed.
– Malaysian military claims they tracked the plane way off course over an hour after the flight dropped off radar. This widened the search to 27,000 square miles and sent search/rescue teams all over the place. No wreckage was ever found.
– Friends and family claim they are able to call their loved ones and the phone actually rings. Officials say if the plane was under water, this would be impossible and the calls would go straight to voice mail. This means the plane is either near a reception area and/or on land somewhere.
– An oil rig worker claims to have watched the plane go down in the sea on fire. He tried to contact his boss days ago but no one ever responded to his email. He gave exact coordinates and a description of what he thought he witnessed. No wreckage was ever found.
– Chinese satellites claim to have picked up an image in the water that might resemble that of a plane. NTSB officials immediately said that the shapes did not resemble a plane and anything that large could not float in water. After searching, nothing was ever found.
– The Wall Street Journal reports that data sent from the Rolls Royce engines on the plane puts the plane in the air still flying 4 hours after it dropped off radar. This now prompts a new theory that the transponder was intentionally turned off and the plane was flown to a undisclosed location on purpose to maybe be used at another time. Malaysia denies these reports.
– The US claims Malaysian officials raided the pilots home a couple of days before the flight due to suspicious behavior. Once again, these reports were denied by Malaysian officials. An Australian woman had come out to the press about her trip to Thailand a year ago. The same pilot allowed her and a friend to ride in the cockpit for the entire flight while they smoked and took pictures together.
Overall, it sounds like Malaysian officials cannot tell us one thing about this missing plane but somehow they can tell us what’s not true. This is by far one of the strangest/weirdest events to ever happen in my lifetime and it appears to be far from over. It’s clear Malaysia either has something to hide or is absolutely the dumbest group of leaders in the world. The part that gets me is how all of this information keeps coming out days later instead of everything being thrown on the table to help in the search. The military tracks the plane an hour after it drops off radar? China just yesterday claims they had satellite images to show us? An oil rig worker said he saw the plane go down but that didn’t come out until yesterday? Was there really a raid on the pilot’s home days before the flight? Only thing I’m waiting for now is for this plane to randomly pop up on radar again and be a few miles outside of NYC. Some shady shit going on here. Not to mention…where the fuck is this plane?!
UPDATE: And in more shocking news, the witch doctor hired to bring the plane back didn’t work either. We’ve now exhausted all resources.
Video games are so real nowadays that I had to watch this an extra 10 seconds just to make sure it wasn’t actually GTA 5. But leave it up to Denver people to drive around with car doors unlocked. Guy didn’t even have a gun and managed to snag 3 cars.
I don’t think it’s been since the whole Manti Te’o fiasco that I’ve been so intrigued by a story in the news. Just so many mind blowing facts that keep coming out that makes this story get weirder and weirder. Stolen passports? Passengers phones are still ringing? The Malaysia military tracked the plane an hour after it just fell off radar? Absolutely no sign of debris or oil or ANYTHING? What the fuck, man? And forget talking to people about this. All the sudden everyone is a goddamn aviation expert on missing aircraft and concocting ridiculous theories. I’m actually shocked I didn’t wake up this morning to see the New York Post calling the two Iranian passengers terrorists on the front page of their paper. Everything from aliens, to asteroids, to the show LOST, everyone is collectively putting together the greatest blockbuster film of our era. That being said, 239 people are MIA and that’s not funny. Unfortunately at this point, I think the BEST scenario is that the plane was hijacked and at an abandoned air field right now. But goddamn is this a weird story!
SubwayCreatures 