Man’s Dick Falls Off After Penis Surgery

 

I just cringed hearing this story. Flesh-eating bacteria? Gang green of the dick? No more sex? Sits to pee? AND the whole world now knows about it? This dude is living every man’s hell. Fuck, I’d go into hiding in Peru too. Like Machu Picchu kind of hiding. I don’t wanna come off insensitive but what’s the point of this guy living anymore? I’d for sure be swan diving into the wood chipper right about now. I could sue for all the money in the world and I wouldn’t be happy without my penis. My philosophy is it’s my dick’s world and I’m just living in it. Just saying…

Aaron Rodgers Lookalike Goes Bonkers In Union Square Station

 

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Pretty sure Aaron Rodgers was in town looking for the Vince Lombardi trophy that he probably thought he deserved but ended up in the subway at Union Square hopping around in a woman’s bathing suit feeling the music of the bird. Poor guy…someone throw some change at him.

 

Ever Have One Of Those Days Where You Just Want To Saw Off Your Foot To Get Out Of Work?

VIENNA (Reuters) – An unemployed Austrian man sawed his foot off, apparently to avoid being found fit to go back to work. Hours before an appointment on Monday for the labor office to check on his health, the 56-year-old man held his left leg against an electric saw in his home workshop and severed his foot just above the ankle, Austrian broadcaster ORF reported. Bleeding profusely, the man from the province of Styria then threw the foot into an oven, hobbled to his garage and called an ambulance. An emergency operation was unable to reattach the foot, ORF said.

 

I completely understand where this guy is coming from right now. I can’t find the motivation to do ANYTHING right now and by God if I had a sharp object to my avail, I would definitely take a limb to get a sick day. Probably not a foot but losing a digit wouldn’t be that bad.

Man Buys Safe On Ebay With $26,000 Inside…Seller Wants Half

 

I don’t feel bad for the seller in this story one little bit. You know this dude was sitting on his computer at home laughing that the other guy just bought a useless safe for $120. Who’s laughing now? I absolutely love how the buyer tagged up this dude’s eBay comment wall letting him know what he just found. ‘Oh you wanna sell me a useless safe for $122? Well I just profited $25,878 from that deal dickface.’

And how about the seller hitting him up for half of the $26,000?! I guess he’s got balls but honestly how easy is it for him to say ‘if it were me I would definitely give him half.’ Well it could’ve been you but it wasn’t. And no kidding the buyer won’t reveal any info on himself. The seller will probably take that $122 he made from this deal and put a bid on eBay for a gun with some bullets, track this guy down, and take back the $26,000. Sorry dude, sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles.

Dickhead Son Evicts 98 Year Old Mother From Home

HuffPost: NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Peter Kantorowski wanted his 98-year-old mother to move into a nursing home or live with him. She wouldn’t go; she didn’t want to leave her home of nearly 60 years. Finally, Kantorowski went to court – and served his mother with an eviction notice shortly before her 98th birthday in December. Mary Kantorowski says she won’t leave the small yellow house she’s been in since 1953, raising her two sons and cooking for the church she attended daily. The house her late husband wanted her to stay in until she died; the house she says is her “everything.” “I don’t know why he wants me to leave,” she said Friday. The epic mother-son feud is headed to court next month. Peter Kantorowski, 71, became the owner of the Fairfield home several years ago when his mother transferred ownership to him but retained the right to live there, in what’s known as a quit claim, Mary Kantorowski’s attorney said. The retired taxidermist said he’s concerned about her well-being, that she’s seemed disoriented and has been living in poor condition. “I’m not throwing her on the street,” he told WTNH-TV in New Haven. “At her age, at 98, I’m sure that she should be with people of her peers. She should have her meals on time.” Peter Kantorowski and his attorney didn’t return telephone messages left by The Associated Press on Friday. Mary Kantorowski’s attorney, Richard Bortolot Jr., said she can take of herself, still does some of her own cooking and is seen regularly in her home by doctors and nurses. A judge ruled she was competent and appointed Bortolot to represent her in the eviction. Her younger son, Jack Kantorowski, says his mother is in relatively good health. He’s on his mother’s side of the family feud. “If there is a money problem or anything else, he should have said something a long time ago instead of just trying to get rid of his own mother,” Jack Kantorowski said. Peter Kantorowski, who lives about 20 minutes away in Trumbull, hasn’t seen his mother for eight months, her attorney said. “I’m appalled a son would do this,” Bortolot said. Jack Kantorowski said his father worked multiple jobs to buy the house and built additions over the years. “He was always trying to protect my mom; she’d always have a place to live,” he said. “If something happens to me, there was always going to be a home for her to stay for the rest of her life.” Peter Kantorowski filed a complaint against his mother in December after she refused to follow an eviction notice filed Nov. 30 to vacate the premises by Dec. 7. A trial is set to begin March 2 in Bridgeport Superior Court. Bortolot says a probate court stopped Peter Kantorowski from trying to sell the house, valued at $330,000, after the eviction papers were served. Asked where she might live next, Mary Kantorowski’s voice catches. “I don’t feel very good about it,” she says. “I want to stay right here in my own home.”

 

Right off the bat let me say I hate this guy. This is the woman who gave birth to you, raised you, and made you the person you are today and for her 98th birthday you kick her out of the house she’s been living in for 60 years. What the fuck do you care what your mother is doing at home, you haven’t spoken to her in 8 months anyway! You know what Peter, I say if she has to go, you have to too. I don’t like the way you’re living over there in Trumball and at age 71, you’re a candidate for assisted living as well. There are three things that are absolute kryptonite for old people: Stairs, solid food, and taking them away from what they’ve known all their life. Example. Andy Rooney retires from a TV show he’s done all his life, month later dead. Joe Paterno forced into retirement, soon after, dead. Something about changing old people’s routine that kills them.

So ultimately, yes, she’s probably unable to walk around and shitting her pants on spot, but at least she’s happy and alive doing it…asshole.

Woman Unnecessarily Shaving Man’s Head On The Subway

 

This is the kind of bullshit that pisses me off. Attention seekers just trying to piss everyone off. You see her turn around and smile at the camera? You’re not even homeless so why would you do this here? Hey hun, I think he’s good. You’ve been buzzing his scalp since Queens and at this point I’m just waiting for the blood to start trickling down his face. It almost seems like she’s getting off on this which is even more bizarre. Get a room.