This Is What Happens When You Give A Homeless Bears Fan A Beer And A Camera

 

As long as the Bears can block for 2 seconds, their offense is gonna score 70. The defense is gonna score 50 and special teams gonna score at least 30!

Safe to say this garbage picker was shooting for the stars a little bit with that bold 150 point prediction. Hope he didn’t bet all his cigarettes on that OVER though since both teams put up a combined score of 19 in one of the most boring NFL games of the week.

Virtual Subway Grocery Shopping Coming?

 

Virtual subway grocery shopping? Rell rould you rook at that! Why are the Asians always so damn more advanced than us! We import everything from them and their technology is always 10 years ahead of us, partly why our economy is in the shits. Right off the bat I can tell you that this new technology will have zero effect on me since I still use a Zack Morris phone from 1989 with no internet. Here’s the thing South Korea must not have in common with us New Yorkers. We have just as many bums in our subways than actual commuters. Installing this on every platform is like throwing chum in the ocean during a shark feeding frenzy. I can just picture ‘one eyed Ray’ from the A-train licking the fruit section of these virtual boards like it was the “Lickable Wallpaper” in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Or Stinky Steve from the 6-train jerkin off to the fresh cut steaks in the meat section. Just hobos coming from everywhere to drool over these products that they will never actually see in real life. Not the most desirable situation for strap hangers who are just trying to order dinner for their family that night. I’ll tell you who I will give money or food to though. These guys:

 

Can Blacks Really Be Racist Towards Whites?

I’ve always wondered this. I don’t think I’ve ever been offended by one racist comment ever. In all honesty, is there anything that REALLY offends white people? Cracker, Honky, White Bread, Cornbread? It just doesn’t bother me. I’m listening to this guy and I actually thought it was the funniest shit ever. I’ve witnessed the Black Panthers in Times Square and I thought it was more interesting than anything else. Now I’m far from religious but even I know this guy is clearly making shit up from the Bible. “Because the white man will not put up a black Jesus Christ at the White House, God made him–all white people homosexual.” I lived on the border of Hells Kitchen and Chelsea last year and I’ll tell you, I probably would’ve believed this guy if I never left the area. Neighborhood was as flaming as Hell itself. But come on man, ALL white men? There IS one point he made that I cannot say shit about. “All Negros are holy and sanctified. That’s why you can’t play basketball with them. They can beat you and laugh at you.” Got me there buddy. I got nothing.

He then goes on to ask “Do I have any questions?” Holy shit, how does nobody ask this guy anything?! I woulda been raising my hand like back in the 2nd grade when you actually used your other hand to try and make your hand go up even farther saying “Oh, oh, oh!” Instigating these kinds of people is what I live for. I would’ve turned that train into a White House press conference. “So sir, where do you get your facts?” “Is that bucket also what you shit and piss in?” “What are your thoughts on Casey Anthony?” I mean shit people. He gave you a golden opportunity and you all blew it! Preach on my friend, preach on!

Side note: Is that a spear he’s holding? Just wondering…