Category: Funny

Man Selling Puppies On Subway Train Like They’re Bootleg DVDs

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Sales 101: Find your demographic. But needless to say this asshole didn’t go to college or take any sales classes or else he would know that people who carry $300 cash on them don’t ride the subways. They are above ground in cabs or Lincoln town cars. How’s it been going so far, trying to sell them? ‘It’s been going good!’ Bullshit my friend, bullshit. You started the day with 5 and you still have 5. That means you haven’t sold one dog yet. So unless ‘it’s going good’ means women are awwwing at your puppies, then yes, you’ve cornered the market.

And can someone please tell me how old a ‘mumf and a half years old’ is?

Let’s Watch Rob Gronkowski’s Teammates Try To Impersonate Him

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Wow, how hard is it to impersonate Rob Gronkowski and everyone seems to have a tough time doing it. Just act like every other meathead retard who doesn’t have a brain and you’ve nailed it. Even talking like Keanu Reeves in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure wouldn’t be far off.

What personality this team has! They’ve clearly been hanging out with Coach Belichick too long. The one guy drops a football and says that’s my impression of Gronk scoring a TD. Yea, thanks for coming pal.

Side note: Pretty sure this guy said “yo soy fiesta! Steroids!” Interesting…

 

Bill Cundiff Can’t Catch A Break; Even On His Own Team’s Website

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Yahoo!Sports: Is there no safe place left on this earth for Billy Cundiff? Not even the Ravens’ very own website can stop from poking Cundiff with a sharp stick. This wasn’t a message board or a comments section, either ‒ it wasn’t even an editorial piece. It was the team’s web store. Of course, the organization might still be a bit bitter about the 32-yard field goal Cundiff missed at the end of the AFC Championship game. That miss prevented a tie that would have taken the game to overtime in the New England Patriots’ eventual 23-20 win, but the pass Lee Evans lost in the end zone on that same drive would have put the Ravens in the Super Bowl, and you don’t see mean things about Evans in the web store. It’s a rough life, this kicking thing.

 

Ouch, $107.99 for a Billy Cundiff jersey?! They probably couldn’t give those things away right now let alone pay that much for a kid’s version of it. When you’re own team’s website posts something like this, it’s time to leave town and move on. Wonder what Kyle Williams jerseys are currently going for?

New Cologne Helps Cheating Husbands Mask Smells

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HuffPost:

Thanks to groundbreaking innovation in the aftershave industry, men making excuses about their strip clubs visits can now have smells to back them up. Metro reports that Mavericks strip club in South Africa has launched a line of “Alibi” aftershave products designed to make men smell the way they would if their excuses for staying out late were actually legit. “My Car Broke Down,” for example, smells like fuel, burnt rubber grease and steel, according to Metro. But Margy Bons of Operation Homefront told KNXV the cologne is unlikely to keep women from sniffing out the truth. “If he’s coming home at 1 o’clock in the morning, I don’t care. You can wear Alibi all you want, we’re still gonna have to look for that alibi,” Bons told the station. Also doubtful of the product’s usefulness, JOE’s Amy Wall notes that other, more traditional options are already available to sneaky men. “Apparently people would actually wear an aftershave that smells like burnt rubber,” Wall wrote. “We wonder why they wouldn’t just take a shower instead?”

 

And who are the men that this product is made for? The men that are unfortunately married to these women who remind me of ‘The View.’ Christ, how annoying are they? Know-it-alls who think it would never happen to them and they could sniff out a cheater a mile away. It’s all giggles and jokes during this segment, meanwhile their husbands are showering themselves in Alibi as they speak. ‘If your husband is out there buying Alibi…you know! There’s no secret there!’ Yea, that’s why you won’t know if he’s buying Alibi. Because he won’t tell you just like he won’t tell you that he’s had his face buried in a stripper tits all night. ‘Yea, but you can’t hide the bottle!’ Hiding the bottle isn’t the hard part, it’s the glitter on my face I would be worried about.

Side Note: Since when were strip clubs such a bad place for married men to be? Big deal, he’s watching a naked chick dance on stage. At least he’s not out banging your best friend behind your back. You can only cage an animal for so long…

 

Is The ‘Yoga Pants Pageant’ One Of The Greatest Things To Happen To Man?

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Let’s break this down, shall we?

First off, let’s rate these chicks in order of hotness. Starting from left to right I got 3,2,1,4,5

Best actual yoga position:

Best improvised yoga position:

Best improvised yoga position name: The “Come On In”

Best answer given: Pretend you have Courtney Stodden and Spencer Pratt tied up and gagged with a pistol and only one bullet. Which one would you kill and why? 

“I believe I would put them back to back and go for the neck and kill them both.” (Perfect answer)

Who looked best in yoga pants:

How Bad Ass Are These Polish Police Officers?

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Slav really shoulda splurged for the metal reinforced doors, huh? If a cop is able to kick a hole in your door and pull you out of your apartment through that hole, then what is the point of even having a front door? You know that cop was so jacked up about that being caught on camera that he’s definitely going to try this every time someone barricades themselves in their home. I imagine this is also what it looks like every time Pam Anderson had a kid. Bam roasted!

Russian Woman Scores A Perfect 10 Out Of 10 After Getting Owned By Car

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See, it’s funny cause she’s OK. Hunny, you’re crossing a highway in Russia. That tip toeing shit isn’t going to fly, especially when the chances of all of the motorists being drunk are pretty high. But I must commend her. She hit the windshield, flipped, landed on her head and still dusted her coat off, collected her bags, and got on with her day. One tough bitch! Russians I tell ya. Something else running through their veins over there.

This Might Be One Of The Most Horrifying Looking Babies I’ve Ever Seen

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Poor ugly kid. Only a few days old and already traumatized when his father decided to motorboat his mom with him still in the room. Now dad is just fuckin’ with him to make a funny Youtube video. Hey pops, pretty sure this is what happened to the Menendez brothers when they were babies too.

Week 15: “Hey Baby, what would you say if I told you the 7-7 Giants make it to the NFC Championship game?”

I know, right?