83-Year-Old Man Arrested On Male Prostitution Charges

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KTVO:

Centerville Police said they have arrested an 83-year-old man on charges of prostitution. The investigation of Ben Clifford Dawson of Centerville began on October 22. Dawson is listed as a candidate for Centerville City Council. According to police, they received a complaint that Dawson had offered to perform sex acts on a woman in exchange for repayment of a loan. Dawson allegedly grabbed the victim and began kissing her neck without consent. As a result, Dawson faces two aggravated misdemeanor charges: prostitution and intent to commit sexual abuse. He was released from the Appanoose County Jail after posting $2,000 bond.

 

Damn, you really know that times are tough when an 83 year old man has no other option but to repay his debts in sex acts. Kind of makes you wonder if this is how Mr. Dawson lived his whole life. Like this has always been Ben’s form of currency. Hey Bob can I borrow your truck, I need to go to town today. Sure Ben, you know the deal…zippppp. That’s a pretty nice looking lawnmower, how much you want for her? $250? I got a better idea…zipppp. Gotta be careful with who you solicit to though Ben. Now your an 83 year old man going to jail on male prostitution charges. That’s the only place in the US where that is a universal form of currency.

 

Let’s Rate Justin Bieber’s Baby Mama

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Mariah Yeater’s account of the night Justin Bieber impregnated her:

“Immediately, it was obvious that we were mutually attracted to one another, and we began to kiss. Shortly thereafter, Justin Bieber suggested that I go with him to a private place where we could be alone. I agreed to go with him and on the walk to a private area, he told me he wanted to make love to me and this was going to be his first time.”

At this point the two went to a bathroom. “We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me. At the time I asked him to put a condom for protection, but he insisted that he did not want to. In his own words, he said that because it was his first time he wanted to feel everything. He was on top of me with my legs around him. At the time I was on top of some type of shelf. The sexual intercourse itself was brief, lasting only approximately 30 seconds.”

I love the line where she says “it was obvious that we were mutually attracted to one another.” Just look at her face, I mean how can you resist THAT? Especially Justin Bieber who could probably bang any chick he wants. If Bieber lost his virginity to this chick and not Selena Gomez or even that Argentinian model then I’ve lost faith in all mankind. I’m pretty sure that little shit’s nuts haven’t even dropped yet so don’t go with the story that he wanted to lose his virginity to you and it was over in 30 seconds. Likely story whore. Go on ‘Maury’, take a paternity test, and in a couple weeks I guarantee you we see Bieber doing this dance across the stage…

Iranian Soccer Player Probably Sentenced To Death For Goal Celebration

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Youtube:

The Iran Football Federation banned two of its players and fined them $40,000 each for “committing immoral acts” during a goal celebration.

 

It wouldn’t surprise me if this guy is being water-boarded with his nuts hooked up to a car battery right now. The only thing those Middle Eastern countries hate more than gay shenanigans are Americans so you can understand the mistake this guy made when he was caught three knuckles deep in his teammates ass during a televised soccer game. Here’s what I don’t understand though, the guy who gets finger blasted also gets banned and fined? I guess he’ll think twice next time before jumping on his teammates back and opening his legs like Paris Hilton.

10 Year Old Pulls 9MM On Woman During Trick-or-Treating

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Aiken, South Carolina:

According to a police incident report, a 28-year-old woman told authorities she recognized some boys from her neighborhood while they were trick-or-treating about 6:30 p.m. Monday near Schroeder and George streets and jokingly told them she would take their candy. One 10-year-old in the group of about 10 juveniles responded with “no you’re not …” and then pointed a 9 mm handgun at her.

 

Ah the good ol’ South. I’ll be careful what I say since CSC has readers down there but goddamn these kids aren’t playing around. OK, now for my thug costume…oversized money sign chain? Check. Bandana? Check. Baggy jeans? Check. I just feel like something’s missing…oh shit I forgot my dad’s 9MM of course! This kid must have had a traumatic experience the previous year and no way he was getting robbed of his candy again. I’m not gonna lie that was the easiest way of trick-or-treating when I was younger. Let the younger kids do all the work and at the end of the night you give’em the old ‘I’ll take that, thanks.’ Nope, not in South Carolina. Down there you try that shit and it’s two to the chest and one to the head.

Every Girl Should Have The Booty Pop

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In this world men are classified into two groups, ass-men and titty-men. Anyone who knows me knows I’m an ass man so when I saw this product I knew I had to promote it. Look, I don’t care if you’re wearing underwear that is padded, at least you’re making the effort plus you’ll probably start breaking guy’s necks left and right. I mean just look at this chick’s ass. Yes it was nice to begin with, but look at that after photo. I can set a goddamn drink down on that thing. And you know what, I don’t care once I find out your ass is fake. That’s what the Spank Bank is for.

 

 

A Personal Thank You

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I would like to publicly thank a special subway creature for making this such a huge weekend for CSC. Don’t even know his/her name because I don’t care and to be honest it doesn’t even matter but here’s the story. Friday I wrote about a subway creature that decided to ride the subway topless to prove no other point than the fact that her(?) tits were able to reach the floor without a bra. Believe it or not folks, when a creature such as this turns up in the subway, we write about it here at Subway Creatures. Now this particular person came across our site (probably Googling herself(?) to death) and had a number of people leave very amusing/entertaining comments (I recommend reading them).

What we do here at CSC is find the most crazy/strange/weird/bizarre stories and videos on the internet and write funny comments, stories, and opinions about them by pushing the envelope as far as we can. When a video like this pops up, do you realize how easy you make my life? I purposely post this shit hoping the people who appear in it find it and do exactly what you did. I could care less about who you are or what your cause is. You create conversation, controversy, generate traffic, and get the CSC name out there. For that I can’t thank you enough! Feel free to drop the CSC name in your next video!

Side Note: For someone who doesn’t care what people think, you sure seemed to give a shit about us…

Also, out of all the comments that were left, this was by far my favorite. Simple and to the point:

 

Woman, Possible Man Rides D-Train Topless

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Welp, not expecting this video to last very long on Youtube. I think this is a woman but ever since Marilyn Manson got a boob job I’ve had my doubts about some people. Either way I wanted to knock this bitch out. Honey, the ClubKids were big in the 90s but LimeLight has been shutdown for a while now so move on with your life. And the whole ‘I’m making it look like I’m talking with a cigarette’ thing needs to stop. You make for a great Halloween costume but the holiday isn’t here yet throw a shirt on and let’s not make a spectacle of yourself. Fuckin’ New York…

Giants Outlook: Week 8

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Coming off a BYE week, we’re getting most of our starters back, and playing the Miami Dolphins. I mean jesus christ if the Giants don’t win by 50 points I’ll consider it a moral victory for the Dolphins. The defense might even put up more points than the offense this week! The only question I have is who plays quarterback for the Dolphins when Matt Moore and JP Losman are knocked out of the game? There is no third stringer listed as of now so maybe they’ll throw Reggie Bush out there to take some snaps. A 9 point spread is embarrassing and the Giants will cover the over on their own. Giants -9 and the over at 43.5. Done and done!

 

217 Miami Dolphins +9½  -110 +400
43½ O -110
U -110
218 New York Giants -9½  -110 -500
Week 8