Rats Begin Subway Takeover, Bite Woman Downtown

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AM New York:

A rat bit a horrified straphanger earlier this week on a subway platform. The unidentified woman, described as being in her mid-20s, was waiting for the J train on a bench at the Chambers Street station about 9:30 Monday morning when, she said, the rodent peeked out from underneath and bit her right foot, which was unprotected by her open-toed shoes. “She was crying — she was quite hysterical,” when the woman went to the service booth at the station, a subway employee told amNewYork yesterday. “She had a cut … you could see the fresh blood,” he continued, adding that it was the first time he had heard of a commuter being attacked by a rat. The woman was taken to New York Downtown Hospital, according to an MTA document. Spokesmen for the hospital and the MTA did not comment by press time. While rats are fairly common in subway stations, most rodent bites occur when people at home try to release mice from traps, health department spokeswoman Susan Craig said. About 200 rodent bites are reported each year, according to city data. “The best way to prevent rats is to keep the subway stations clean,” Craig said. “The more people can do to keep garbage away, and to not throw garbage in the subway tracks — especially food — the less rats there will be.”

 

NYC rats are seriously no joke. Most are the size of kittens and just the nastiest subway creatures next to this guy. I was walking down the sidewalk late one night and I swear to god one ran out right in front of me and just stood there and stared at me as if to say ‘pay the toll asshole.’ He was not scared of me at all and looked at me like I was the crazy one. It’s not a surprise that this woman got bit but it surprises me what time it happened. 9:30am!? Shouldn’t rats be sleeping at that point? Commuters shouldn’t have to worry about rats at that time! Now if it were 5 or 6 hours earlier I can see them being all over. Fuck terrorism, I’m worried about getting bit by the rabid rats that are probably wandering the subway just spreading some undiscovered disease all over the place. This chick is probably dying a slow, painful death with her hair falling out and there is no cure in sight. Happy Friday!

Nothing Like Getting Caught Jerking Off In The NYC Subway

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Youtube:

Video taken at 3:20 A.M., Saturday September 3, 2011, at Broadway-Lafayette station in New York City. This man exposed himself and masturbated for over twenty minutes on an isolated subway platform. I made two complaints to the station agent, but the masturbator got on a downtown F train around 3:35 A.M. He was not apprehended.

So you leave the bar lonely and miserable after striking out with every chick you approached that night. You don’t wanna spend a lot of money on a cab so you decide to duck into the subway and jump on the F train. You get down there only to find that you are alone on the platform. Do you A) sit down and wait for the train B) Think about what booty call you’re gonna hit up as soon as you get home or C) Whip out your cock and just ferociously jerk off until the next train comes? If you’ve selected C, then this was most likely you this past Saturday. This guy is cranking his wood like he’s 16 years old with an addiction problem. And in the subway no less? This guy MUST be a CitySubwayCreature follower and be thinking of all the Subway Treasures we’ve been posting. That’s the only thing I can think of.

It always amazes me how people like this are so oblivious to their surroundings. How do you not see the person across the way filming you?! Do you think you’re the only one who uses the subway at 3:30am on a Saturday morning? I must say, there’s nothing more that turns me on than the NYC subway late at night. The garbage, the rats, the strange people you come across. Shit, I’m getting hard talking about it. This man defines the term City Subway Creature!

 

Side note: For those of you who take the F train, think about this video next time you’re on it and holding onto that hand railing.

 

New Smart Phone App Makes Hookups, Murder Easier

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Gawker:

After years of hearing their gay friends rave about the mobile, GPS-enabled hook-up app Grindr, straights finally have their own version, released today. It’s called Blendr, and it’s a horrible idea. Blendr’s main problem is that it is being marketed primarily as about making friends, not love. The app lets you find people in your general vicinity with shared interests, so you can have a pleasant conversation with a stranger about, say, French literature, whenever you want. “Facebook does a great job keeping you connected with people you already know,” Grindr CEO Joel Simkhai told The Daily Beast, “but how do you meet new people? How do you make new friendships?” How do you make new friendships? I don’t know, through work? Drunken conversation in the fried chicken joint at 4am? Gradual accretion through natural social interaction? Certainly not through an iphone app! Of course, Simkhai has also been trying to pass off the insane fantasy that guys on Grindr are simply after “platonic relationships.” True, in the sense that Plato fucked men. No doubt, the tamer tone of Blendr is meant to address differences between straight and gay dating culture. But it’s still going to totally alienate the impulsive, horny straight people, which we hear do exist outside of reality TV, and who realistically will be the only ones who might find a use for what amounts to a GPS-coordinated flesh finder. Grindr works because it is a sex buffet—Yelp for penises. Hell, even Republican senators show up on there, naked, bent-over in all their human glory. And in fact Grindr is such a source of entertainment that even straight people can get into it for the sheer voyeuristic thrill of it. But the straight version is an electronic knitting circle you can keep in your pocket? How wholesome! How boring. It seems the straight hook-up technological revolution might be doomed to end with the introduction of attractive-friend-of-a-friend Facebook stalking.

So this new app pinpoints your exact location and shows you everyone else in your vicinity who has the same program on their phone. Sounds just a little sketchy. I don’t need to be walking home from the bar at 4am and get jumped by some gay creeper dude who’s been hanging out in Central Park all night and knows where my exact location is. This app is great for rapists and pervs who are looking for an easy target and makes me wonder why people would actually think this is a great idea. Stay tuned for future horror stories and lawsuits when bodies start turning up all over!

Russian Guy Grabs 1000 Boobs For Politics Sake?

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I want to be a part of this political party! Instead of kissing babies you just walk around grabbing tits? Sign me up! Only in Russia would you find 1,000 women who would even let you do such a thing. This guy is just walking around grabbing women like he’s picking fruit. 50% of them were excited about it, 45% you could just see the terror in their eyes, and 5% I’m pretty sure aren’t even 18 years old. Try this in NY and see what happens…

Man Walks Away From Crazy Motorcycle Accident

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Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it…BAM! Motorcycle rider walks right back into frame after pulling off a 720 through the air with no helmet on. Not gonna lie I did not see that coming. Expected him to be dead in the road and then have a sightseeing bus loaded with camera-holding Asians run his lifeless body over just so no one could identify the poor bastard. Is this just a regular day for this Asian country? This guy miraculously survives a motorcycle accident and traffic continues to roll through as if it’s 5pm on Tuesday in NYC. Anyone wanna check this dude or at least get his autograph? I’ve said it before but I hope this guy runs to the nearest store and buys a lottery ticket.

Sixteen Year Old Dies From Jerking Off 42 Times

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m24digital.com:

A 16-year-old boy died after masturbating 42 times without stopping in Rubiato town, in Goiás region, Brazil.

His mother told a local newspaper that she already knew about his son’s addiction and that she planned to see the doctor, but the decision came too late.

The young man began to masturbate at midnight and spent the whole night to compulsively touch himself.

At school, his classmates commented on the boy’s problem and some said he asked them to connect to the webcam for being observed.

They further said that his attraction to women was extreme; he was attracted to all kind of women, regardless of texture physics, color and age.

In his room a great amount of pornography was found, including photographs and videos of nude women that were saved on his PC.

 

Death from masturbating 42 times? How am I alive? Just too many questions unanswered here. What is the possible cause of death in this case? How does one masturbate until they die? Is this really possible? I can see if this kid was strangling himself or had heart problems, but I don’t know if this is plausible otherwise. And let’s get one thing out of the way. If jerking off is an addiction then ‘Hi my name is Dick and I am an addict.’ The kid is 16 years old! Of course he’s gonna spend his Friday night beating that shit up. I remember it like yesterday when I would run up to the computer and fire up the ol’ AOL dial-up modem. The entire house would know I was signing on because of how loud it was and half the time I would cut my mom’s phone calls off. There was nothing very discrete about it if you remember. At that age you’re looking for anyway possible to change up your method so when I hear 42 times, I think this kid hasn’t even made it out of the single A minor leagues yet.

 

Now I can’t help this kid out when it comes to the ‘being observed’ part of the story but hey, everyone’s got their own thing. But the other part that had me confused was when they said ‘he was attracted to all kinds of women, regardless of texture physics.’ I love that my man didn’t discriminate but can someone please explain to me what this means. Does this mean plastic blow up dolls and/or hairy chicks? Either way dude, go online and find one of the million websites out there. Who the fuck jerks off to naked photographs anymore?

NY Giants LB Jonathan Goff Lost For Season

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NJ.com:

For the Giants, incredibly, it can get worse. And it just has. After losing three cornerbacks, defensive tackle Marvin Austin and backup linebacker Clint Sintim to season-ending injuries in the past month, the Giants will now be without their starting middle linebacker Jonathan Goff, who suffered a torn anterior cruciate ligament, according to someone informed of the injury. The person requested anonymity because the Giants haven’t yet commented on the situation. Someone else informed of the specifics of the injury, who also asked not to be named, said Goff knocked knees with a teammate in practice on Monday. He left to ice his knee, but was still having issues today, so he went for an MRI that revealed the full extent of the injury. The person said linebacker Kawika Mitchell is on his way for a visit and might be added to help fill the void created by the loss of Goff. Mitchell has not yet been signed, though. Mitchell, 31, was with the Giants in 2007, though he played the weak side while Antonio Pierce manned the middle. Mitchell also played for Giants defensive coordinator Perry Fewell for all of 2008 and five games of 2009 before suffering a season-ending injury. As for options on the roster, the team has left itself nothing but rookies behind Goff. Greg Jones, a sixth-round pick, was impressive in spurts in the preseason but is nowhere near ready to assume such a role as the starter in the middle. Undrafted rookie Mark Herzlich saw some time in the middle, but like Jones, moving into a starting role after a short offseason and training camp, would be a stretch. The backup in the middle during the preseason was Phillip Dillard, the team’s fourth-round pick last year, though he was waived and not added to the practice squad. Goff, a fifth-round pick in 2008 who has worked to become a more complete player, was in line for a sizeable payday after the season, as this was the final year of his rookie contract. He now joins cornerback Terrell Thomas, wide receivers Steve Smith and Domenik Hixon and linebacker/defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka as Giants who suffered serious injuries in their contract seasons over the past two years.

So at least we know that the NY Giants practice squad will be starting on Sunday afternoon. Jesus Christ I’m scared to even say this but just when you think it can’t get any worse, somehow it gets worse. I’m contemplating running down to the TIMEX field, suiting up, and jumping on the line of scrimmage. Giants’ fans hang in there. I’m still predicting a ‘W’ on Sunday! And on a side note, the Giants defense/special teams is still somehow ranked above the Jets…