Author: subwaycreatures

Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 1

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Week 1 and could it have gotten off to a better start?! Yea I had Jordy Nelson riding the pine on my fantasy team but 76 points later the game was decided on the 1 yard line. Now comes the big opening weekend for the Giants and their quest for another Super Bowl and the Jets and their quest to win the AFC Championship.

Giants:

469 New York Giants -3  -110 -155
37½ O -110
U -110
20 O -120
U -110
470 Washington Redskins +3  -110 +135
17 O -120
U -110
Regular Season Week 1
With a depleted defense and now Justin Tuck in question for Sunday’s game, the Giants offense is going to have to step up big. They usually play well against the ‘Skins but they are far from 100% healthy. That being said, have to go with Giants -3 here. Even with the injuries they’ve had, the offense has looked pretty good and the defense has been able to hold their own for the most part. 37.5 as an over/under is being pretty modest and might have to do with it being the first week of the season but I don’t see the Redskins being able to hold the Giants offense down and they certainly won’t get blanked on the scoreboard. I’m going over. Week 1 is always hard to judge but Giants fans have to keep faith.
Jets:
477 Dallas Cowboys +5  -110 +200
40½ O -110
U -110
17½ O -120
U -110
478 New York Jets -5  -110 -240
23 O -110
U -120
NBCRegular Season Week 1
Terrorism will never prevail in NY and it won’t hold back Jets fans from opening up the season on 9/11. A pretty big matchup here for both teams as Dallas tries to get a huge jump to their season. They have a double threat at receiver in Dez Bryant and Miles Austin but Austin, if he plays, is injured. Jason Witten will most likely see a number of targets that Bart Scott will have to lock down. The Jets offense just has too many weapons for the Dallas defense to stop and with a sloppy secondary, they will probably get exposed. Both teams will be playing like it’s the Super Bowl and it’s a nationally televised game on 9/11. Advantage Jets. I’m going with the Jets to win but not by more than 5 pts. Also taking the under on 40.5 points.

Video of Bloomberg Riding The Subway Right After Terror Threats

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Oh Mayor Bloomberg calls up the media to let them know he’s riding the subway this morning with an entourage of body guards. Damn I feel as safe as before 9/11 now! I agree that we can’t be scared by terrorism  and shouldn’t change our daily routines but I’m not sure this is going to help me with that. Why…? Because our multi-billionaire mayor takes an E train for once in his life I’m suppose to think all is good and well? Hey pal, Washington has credible sources telling them that 3 towel heads just arrived to the US with plans of setting off car bombs all over Manhattan. As long as they are out there, I’m going to have a tough time thinking all is good in Pleasantville.

Russian Chick Somehow Walks Away From Polar Bear Attack

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It might just be me but does this not look like the strangest place to see this? I understand it’s NORTHERN Russia but does that mean they have Coca-Cola polar bears walking down the streets downtown? I mean if they’re plane had just crashed on a tropical island where everything had strange ‘Dharma’ writing all over then that’s completely understandable of course. But when I hear polar bear I think Arctic conditions and seals and Eskimos. Is this how far global warming has come that the polar bears are now moving in next door in Russian towns?

Lady is lucky to be alive and we have to thank whoever was filming or else we wouldn’t have this little gem. I love how in these situations people keep the camera rolling, especially for the embarrassing pants fall. You know this person could of edited that part out before they posted this but decided it gave the video just a little bit more. Thank you Russia, for finally having the technology so we can see what your daily life is like. We don’t get polar bear attacks here too often.

Tom Brady Manages To Make Uggs Look Gayer Than They Actaully Are

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Congratulations Tom Brady! Somehow you’ve taken something gay and have made it even gayer. No rap music or awesome camera angles could even come close to saving you in this new commercial. Osama bin Laden’s friend who ratted on him didn’t even sell out as bad as you! I’m talking about the hair, the public appearances, the fashion shows, etc. Your smoking hot wife owns every aspect of your life and I’d be surprised if she doesn’t sit in the box during your games with a headset on calling plays. I remember watching the story of how you came up through Michigan and started crying about where you got drafted. No one died and you didn’t get a career ending injury, you were crying about where you got drafted! I remember when I cried in 2nd grade because I didn’t get to play on my friends soccer team and I got slapped in the face and told ‘grow up.’ Look at me now, struggling to get by in NYC but at least I’m not crying on national TV like a bitch. I hope the Dolphins destroy your reconstructed knee on Monday and Gisele has to push you around in a wheelchair.

Rats Begin Subway Takeover, Bite Woman Downtown

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AM New York:

A rat bit a horrified straphanger earlier this week on a subway platform. The unidentified woman, described as being in her mid-20s, was waiting for the J train on a bench at the Chambers Street station about 9:30 Monday morning when, she said, the rodent peeked out from underneath and bit her right foot, which was unprotected by her open-toed shoes. “She was crying — she was quite hysterical,” when the woman went to the service booth at the station, a subway employee told amNewYork yesterday. “She had a cut … you could see the fresh blood,” he continued, adding that it was the first time he had heard of a commuter being attacked by a rat. The woman was taken to New York Downtown Hospital, according to an MTA document. Spokesmen for the hospital and the MTA did not comment by press time. While rats are fairly common in subway stations, most rodent bites occur when people at home try to release mice from traps, health department spokeswoman Susan Craig said. About 200 rodent bites are reported each year, according to city data. “The best way to prevent rats is to keep the subway stations clean,” Craig said. “The more people can do to keep garbage away, and to not throw garbage in the subway tracks — especially food — the less rats there will be.”

 

NYC rats are seriously no joke. Most are the size of kittens and just the nastiest subway creatures next to this guy. I was walking down the sidewalk late one night and I swear to god one ran out right in front of me and just stood there and stared at me as if to say ‘pay the toll asshole.’ He was not scared of me at all and looked at me like I was the crazy one. It’s not a surprise that this woman got bit but it surprises me what time it happened. 9:30am!? Shouldn’t rats be sleeping at that point? Commuters shouldn’t have to worry about rats at that time! Now if it were 5 or 6 hours earlier I can see them being all over. Fuck terrorism, I’m worried about getting bit by the rabid rats that are probably wandering the subway just spreading some undiscovered disease all over the place. This chick is probably dying a slow, painful death with her hair falling out and there is no cure in sight. Happy Friday!

Nothing Like Getting Caught Jerking Off In The NYC Subway

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Youtube:

Video taken at 3:20 A.M., Saturday September 3, 2011, at Broadway-Lafayette station in New York City. This man exposed himself and masturbated for over twenty minutes on an isolated subway platform. I made two complaints to the station agent, but the masturbator got on a downtown F train around 3:35 A.M. He was not apprehended.

So you leave the bar lonely and miserable after striking out with every chick you approached that night. You don’t wanna spend a lot of money on a cab so you decide to duck into the subway and jump on the F train. You get down there only to find that you are alone on the platform. Do you A) sit down and wait for the train B) Think about what booty call you’re gonna hit up as soon as you get home or C) Whip out your cock and just ferociously jerk off until the next train comes? If you’ve selected C, then this was most likely you this past Saturday. This guy is cranking his wood like he’s 16 years old with an addiction problem. And in the subway no less? This guy MUST be a CitySubwayCreature follower and be thinking of all the Subway Treasures we’ve been posting. That’s the only thing I can think of.

It always amazes me how people like this are so oblivious to their surroundings. How do you not see the person across the way filming you?! Do you think you’re the only one who uses the subway at 3:30am on a Saturday morning? I must say, there’s nothing more that turns me on than the NYC subway late at night. The garbage, the rats, the strange people you come across. Shit, I’m getting hard talking about it. This man defines the term City Subway Creature!

 

Side note: For those of you who take the F train, think about this video next time you’re on it and holding onto that hand railing.

 

New Smart Phone App Makes Hookups, Murder Easier

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Gawker:

After years of hearing their gay friends rave about the mobile, GPS-enabled hook-up app Grindr, straights finally have their own version, released today. It’s called Blendr, and it’s a horrible idea. Blendr’s main problem is that it is being marketed primarily as about making friends, not love. The app lets you find people in your general vicinity with shared interests, so you can have a pleasant conversation with a stranger about, say, French literature, whenever you want. “Facebook does a great job keeping you connected with people you already know,” Grindr CEO Joel Simkhai told The Daily Beast, “but how do you meet new people? How do you make new friendships?” How do you make new friendships? I don’t know, through work? Drunken conversation in the fried chicken joint at 4am? Gradual accretion through natural social interaction? Certainly not through an iphone app! Of course, Simkhai has also been trying to pass off the insane fantasy that guys on Grindr are simply after “platonic relationships.” True, in the sense that Plato fucked men. No doubt, the tamer tone of Blendr is meant to address differences between straight and gay dating culture. But it’s still going to totally alienate the impulsive, horny straight people, which we hear do exist outside of reality TV, and who realistically will be the only ones who might find a use for what amounts to a GPS-coordinated flesh finder. Grindr works because it is a sex buffet—Yelp for penises. Hell, even Republican senators show up on there, naked, bent-over in all their human glory. And in fact Grindr is such a source of entertainment that even straight people can get into it for the sheer voyeuristic thrill of it. But the straight version is an electronic knitting circle you can keep in your pocket? How wholesome! How boring. It seems the straight hook-up technological revolution might be doomed to end with the introduction of attractive-friend-of-a-friend Facebook stalking.

So this new app pinpoints your exact location and shows you everyone else in your vicinity who has the same program on their phone. Sounds just a little sketchy. I don’t need to be walking home from the bar at 4am and get jumped by some gay creeper dude who’s been hanging out in Central Park all night and knows where my exact location is. This app is great for rapists and pervs who are looking for an easy target and makes me wonder why people would actually think this is a great idea. Stay tuned for future horror stories and lawsuits when bodies start turning up all over!

Russian Guy Grabs 1000 Boobs For Politics Sake?

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I want to be a part of this political party! Instead of kissing babies you just walk around grabbing tits? Sign me up! Only in Russia would you find 1,000 women who would even let you do such a thing. This guy is just walking around grabbing women like he’s picking fruit. 50% of them were excited about it, 45% you could just see the terror in their eyes, and 5% I’m pretty sure aren’t even 18 years old. Try this in NY and see what happens…

Man Walks Away From Crazy Motorcycle Accident

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Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it…BAM! Motorcycle rider walks right back into frame after pulling off a 720 through the air with no helmet on. Not gonna lie I did not see that coming. Expected him to be dead in the road and then have a sightseeing bus loaded with camera-holding Asians run his lifeless body over just so no one could identify the poor bastard. Is this just a regular day for this Asian country? This guy miraculously survives a motorcycle accident and traffic continues to roll through as if it’s 5pm on Tuesday in NYC. Anyone wanna check this dude or at least get his autograph? I’ve said it before but I hope this guy runs to the nearest store and buys a lottery ticket.