Author: subwaycreatures

Best Description Of A Car Crash Ever!

subwaycreatures

 

So I think this guy should drink decaf. I thought my dad gave the best descriptions of car accidents until I came across this gem! I love this guy. Imagine what living with him would be like?

So dad, how was your day at work? Well I was trying to make copies today and BAM the friggin’ copier started eating my paper so I tried to pull it out and then all the sudden my tie got stuck and WHAP it started sucking me into the copier! I FLIPPED the machine over and people came over to help but they couldn’t get to me in time before I was sucking face with the copier. Oh man! I’m fine but someone took a video of it and when I watched it I was like AHHHHHH! DAMN!

Who the fuck am I kidding, this guy doesn’t work in an office. All I think of when I see him is Chris Farley and if this news station was smart, they would hire him for field reporting. I would watch the news every single night!

This New Drink Just Might Save Our Lives!

subwaycreatures

 

MERCY is a non-alcoholic, non-caffeinated beverage containing nutritional supplements proven to help your body as it processes alcohol. This includes both hangover symptoms and alcohol flush (an uncomfortable and embarrassing condition that mainly affects those of Asian descent). Drinking MERCY provides both immediate and cumulative health benefits. The ingredients in each serving of MERCY helps your body detox, boosting your body’s defenses and replenishing key nutrients lost during a night of drinking. MERCY, taken during or shortly after alcohol consumption, encourages your body to produce more glutathione, a naturally occurring substance that neutralizes dangerous free radicals and helps the liver remove toxins such as acetaldehyde, the unhealthy byproduct of alcohol and the main cause of hangovers and alcohol flush.

 

Look at her! Just eye fucking me with rays of sunshine blistering out from behind. I heard when you crack the can a beam of light shoots out along with the joyful sound of laughing babies. It this true? Is this finally the drink that will save my Thursday – Tuesday hangovers? If so, I’ll take a case and give me 10,000 shares of stock! With my big birthday weekend coming up I will be pounding these like bottles of water in the desert. Now where can I find them…?

Possible Midget Just Feelin’ It On Subway

subwaycreatures

 

Now I’m 90% sure this is a kid and not a midget but every once in a while he would pull off a move that made me feel like he was 30 years old. Little man is GETTIN’ IT! All we’re missing is some candle wax and this could be a Ricky Martin video. He’s gotta be listening to some R&B song right? If this is a mini Chris Brown in-the-making then the last stop on this train is SlapABitchfield.

 

Side note: I’ll bet a weeks pay this is what little man is listening to. If you listen to this song over his video there’s no way it’s not!

 

 

Check Out This Drunk, Flaming Russian

subwaycreatures

 

Just another Tuesday afternoon in Russia…everyone unemployed, drunk off their asses, listening to “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight.” God what a life it must be! So Sergei over here decides to do some kind of rain dance to make this random fire go out and instead ends up turning his pleather jeans into ass-less chaps. Gotta love the coldness of the Russians as no one even makes an attempt to help him or put the fire out. Russia Spring Break 2012 here we come!

What Do You Do When The Cop That Pulled You Over Is Bi-Polar

subwaycreatures

 

Yes, this man carries a gun. I’ve watched this now on repeat possibly 20 times trying to figure out where the cops ON/OFF switch is. Have you ever seen someone go from as polite as he was to completely bat shit crazy? Dude, you’re the authoritative figure here. The guy doesn’t want to let you in his car? That’s fine, make him wait there until you have a warrant. Don’t be mad because you think you have to let him go. And how bout the driver with the balls to say something after that Mount Vesuvius explosion from the cop. Not only would I have kept my mouth shut, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep because of the nightmares this cop planted in my head. Literally looked like a scene from The Exorcist.

Side note: Did this remind anyone of when George Brett’s home run was called back when the Royals played the Yankees?

 

Is This Couple Not A Match Made in Hell?

subwaycreatures

 

No, this is not Halloween…this is Saturday night at 2am in the NYC subway. The only thing more shocking in this video to me is the fact that whoever is the cameraman is able to sit across from these walks of life that call themselves humans. How can this person stomach this shit. They are popping and peeling the skin from each others faces. Have some more Meth you disgusting fucks! If I was even the least bit curious about doing Meth, this just sealed the deal for me tighter than a nuns pussy. Scared straight! If I were ever in this position everyone has the ‘all clear’ to push me in front of the next in coming L train. Unbelievable that people like this really exist.