Category: News

New Cologne Helps Cheating Husbands Mask Smells

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HuffPost:

Thanks to groundbreaking innovation in the aftershave industry, men making excuses about their strip clubs visits can now have smells to back them up. Metro reports that Mavericks strip club in South Africa has launched a line of “Alibi” aftershave products designed to make men smell the way they would if their excuses for staying out late were actually legit. “My Car Broke Down,” for example, smells like fuel, burnt rubber grease and steel, according to Metro. But Margy Bons of Operation Homefront told KNXV the cologne is unlikely to keep women from sniffing out the truth. “If he’s coming home at 1 o’clock in the morning, I don’t care. You can wear Alibi all you want, we’re still gonna have to look for that alibi,” Bons told the station. Also doubtful of the product’s usefulness, JOE’s Amy Wall notes that other, more traditional options are already available to sneaky men. “Apparently people would actually wear an aftershave that smells like burnt rubber,” Wall wrote. “We wonder why they wouldn’t just take a shower instead?”

 

And who are the men that this product is made for? The men that are unfortunately married to these women who remind me of ‘The View.’ Christ, how annoying are they? Know-it-alls who think it would never happen to them and they could sniff out a cheater a mile away. It’s all giggles and jokes during this segment, meanwhile their husbands are showering themselves in Alibi as they speak. ‘If your husband is out there buying Alibi…you know! There’s no secret there!’ Yea, that’s why you won’t know if he’s buying Alibi. Because he won’t tell you just like he won’t tell you that he’s had his face buried in a stripper tits all night. ‘Yea, but you can’t hide the bottle!’ Hiding the bottle isn’t the hard part, it’s the glitter on my face I would be worried about.

Side Note: Since when were strip clubs such a bad place for married men to be? Big deal, he’s watching a naked chick dance on stage. At least he’s not out banging your best friend behind your back. You can only cage an animal for so long…

 

So What Was With All The Bodies In The Subway Over The Weekend?

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HuffPost: This past weekend, New York City’s subway system experienced four deaths in less than 24 hours. The Associated Press reports that all of the incidents took place on Saturday, and police say none of the victims were related. The first death occurred on Saturday morning at 2:01 a.m. at an R train station in Elmhurst, Queens. According to The Wall Street Journal, the victim is believed to have fallen down the stairs. The AP adds that he was reportedly in his 60s. About six hours later, the AP reports that a man in his 20s was struck and killed by an L train on 14th Street in Manhattan. Daily Intel adds that he was standing on the tracks between 3rd Avenue and Union Square. The Wall Street Journal identified the victim as Brian O’Mara of Garden City, N.Y., and put his time of death at 8:25 a.m. The third fatality occurred on the A line Saturday afternoon in Brooklyn at the Nostrand Avenue station. The Wall Street Journal writes that a little after 4 p.m., an MTA employee spotted a body on the tracks within the subway tunnel. On Saturday evening, the fourth death took place on the L line in Manhattan. The New York Daily News reports that at about 10 p.m., a man’s head was spotted between a subway car and platform within the Sixth Avenue station.

 

So apparently Death was in town riding the subways on Saturday and just leaving bodies all over the place like it was Jonestown. Is that a rat at the end of the platform? No, looks more like a human head. Oh, ok. Sounds like some Final Destination kind of shit and wherever that 5th victim is who made it out alive, you don’t have very long before you cross the street and get crushed by a garbage truck.

 

Mother Arrested For Allowing 10 Year Old Son To Get A Tattoo

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ABCNews: A Georgia mother who was arrested for allowing her 10-year-old to get a tattoo said she had no idea it was illegal for him to get one, even with her consent. When Chuntera Napier’s son Gaquan Napier asked her if he could get a memorial tattoo for his 12-year-old brother Malik who died after being hit by a car, Napier was touched by the request. “My son came to me and said, ‘Mom, I want to get a tattoo with Malik on it, rest in peace,’” she told ABC News’. “It made me feel good to know that he wanted his brother on him.” When Gaquan Napier was asked why he wanted the tattoo, he said, “Because it represents my brother.” “What do I say to a child who wants to remember his brother? It’s not like he was asking me, ‘Can I get Sponge Bob?” Napier said. “He asked me [for] something that’s in remembrance of his brother. How can I say no?” Gaquan got a tattoo on his right arm of his brother’s name and his former basketball jersey number. Napier also has memorial tattoos for her son on her right arm. When someone at his school noticed the tattoo and contacted authorities, Napier was arrested on Tuesday and charged with misdemeanor cruelty and being a party to a crime, according to WSBTV. Napier bonded out of jail on Wednesday but is shocked that her consent was not enough for her son to get a tattoo. “I always thought that if a parent gave consent, then it was fine,” she said. “How can somebody else say that it’s not okay? He’s my child, and I have the right to say what I want for my child. I can’t go tell anybody else what I want for their child.” A Georgia law from 2010 states, “It shall be unlawful for any person to tattoo the body of any person under the age of 18, except a physician or osteopath.” The Acworth Police Department did not respond to request for comment and the Smyrna, Ga. artist who did the tattoo is also under investigation.

Get a life Georgia. Are parents in this state really so untrustworthy that even their consent isn’t good enough? ‘If a parent give consent, then it’s fine!‘ If a parent says ‘yes, you can go play on the train tracks.’ It’s fine! If a parent says ‘It’s OK to take candy from strangers.’ It’s fine! I know Gaquan didn’t help his case by wearing a Sesame Street shirt for the interview but like the mom said, it’s not like the kid asked for Sponge Bob on his arm. Gaquan just wanted to honor his brother’s memory by getting his basketball number inked on. He doesn’t have his whole back covered in some tribal gang tattoo. The point is, if Gaquan wants a tattoo it’s his body and shouldn’t matter if he’s 10. If he regrets it later in life thankfully technology has come a long way where tattoos aren’t permanent anymore. If it’s illegal in the south for a 10 year old to get a tattoo to honor his brother, then Disney character tattoos should be outlawed as well. Just sayin’.

 

 

San Francisco’s Mayor Embarrasses New York With Wager

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Daily News:

Mayor Bloomberg is betting an iconic San Francisco cable car will be flying Giants flags once Big Blue punches its ticket to the Super Bowl by beating the 49ers Sunday. Bloomberg and his Bay Area city counterpart, Mayor Ed Lee, engaged in a friendly wager and some trash talking Wednesday. If the Giants win, Lee will send Bloomberg some of his city’s classic sourdough bread and hang Giants’ flags from a cable car. But if the 49ers triumph in the NFC Championship showdown, Bloomberg agreed to rename the Theater District’s 49th St. “49ers Street” and send Lee a dozen bagels from Bagel Oasis in Queens. “After Sunday, Niners fans will be left with a taste as sour as their famous bread, and the Giants will have their sights set on another trophy,” Bloomberg said. Lee countered that “the Giants will have to leave their hearts and their Super Bowl hopes in San Francisco.” Bloomberg encouraged New Yorkers to wear blue on Friday to send the Giants off on a victorious West Coast trip.

 

Good thing our bajillionaire mayor has enough faith in the Giants to bet a bag of bagels on ’em. But that’s OK because I know the only reason he had to stoop so low was because the San Fran mayor can’t even come close to matching anything Bloomjew threw down. It’s kinda like when you’re down to your last chips in poker and you just say “fuck it, I’m all in.” Well in this case all in is a loaf of sour dough bread and a street name. Hey Mayor Lee, keep your sour dough bread to yourself, wave our flag all over your city, and we’ll send a private jet for you and your wife so you can sit front row at our championship ceremony at Gracie Manor. Oh yea, and please name the best weed in your pot shops “Elite Big Blue.”

Opossum Causes D Train Evacuation

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HuffPost:

A surly straphanger curled up underneath a seat caused a Bronx-bound D train to be evacuated early Friday morning. The New York Times reports an opossum was spotted on the train sometime after leaving Coney Island at 4:30AM, warming up by a heating radiator. It remains unclear how or why the opossum boarded the train, although one animal expert wonders if it was drawn to the heat or the smell of food. Passengers were given the boot from the train when it got to West 4th Street, where officials tried to collar the creature but retreated when it “bared its teeth and snarled.” The train was then brought to a subway yard in the Bronx where it was to be met by Animal Care and Control agents, who were to remove the opossum but who have not yet confirmed that they’ve done so…

 

First we have enormous pre-historic sized rats in Foot Locker and now opossums commuting on the D train uptown. What the shit is going on? Opossum’s are just over sized rats so let’s not try to make it sound like its “only an opossum.” These things are just as nasty as subway rats so yes, I wouldn’t want to be riding in this car but why an evacuation? Move people to another car and keep that train moving! If I’m awake at 4:30am and trying to get to my job and get rerouted because of this I would be so pissed I would probably go home and take the day off. How many alternate trains do you think are running at 4:30am down on W 4th St. and how much motivation do you think I would have to walk to another train? None. Take a pic of the opossum, email it to my boss, and call it a day.

 

It’s That Time Of The Year For The Annual Polar Plunge

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Look, it’s not as bad as it appears! I did it and I’m the biggest pussy there is when it comes to the cold. Even if you aren’t going, donate something because it goes a long way for children with life-threatening illnesses. And for those of you who do come, join us for the after party! Details on that to come.

Where: Long Branch, NJ

When: Feb 4, 2012

What: Polar Plunge (donate whatever amount of money you want)

Why: All proceeds will go to Camp Sunshine (a place where children with life threatening illnesses can go to relax and spend quality time with their family)

For specific details on the event, here is the link and if you have any other questions you can contact us at subwaycreatures@gmail.com

http://www.freezinforareason.com/members/member.php?mem_id=1880

Lepre-Con To Replace St. Patty’s Day Parade!

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In response to the cancellation of the annual Hoboken St Patrick’s Day parade, we are sponsoring the first annual Hoboken Lepre-Con. In the spirit of the Christmas-time celebration of Santa-Con, we are inviting all revelers to carry on the spirit and tradition of the annual Hoboken St Patrick’s Day festivities with our Lepre-Con. Dress up in full Leprechaun garb or other Irish festive gear and head over to Hoboken, NJ from 9am onward on Saturday March 3, 2012. Over the next few weeks, we will coordinate with Hoboken’s local watering holes to ensure that they are well prepared to receive us and keep this tradition alive.
More details to follow…

Link: http://www.hobokenlepre-con.com/

Like I said, you can cancel the parade but no way in hell you can stop people from partying. If this goes over anything like Santa-Con then I expect nothing less than headline news the next morning. We’ll try to keep up with the latest news about this but use the link on this page to keep yourself updated!

Juiced Out And Drugged Up Roid Head Dies After Being Tased In Gym

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Authorities released a surveillance video from the surburban New York gym that shows 32-year-old Chad Brothers knocking over items in the lobby of the gym. He’s then seen pulling down several pieces of exercise equipment in the workout area. The video shows Brothers entering an office off-camera, followed soon after by a police officer with her gun drawn. He was eventually subdued by officers using stun guns. He went into cardiac arrest and died shortly after being taken to an Albany hospital. Authorities say Brothers died of “agitated delirium,” a condition that can result from steroid use.

 

Isn’t this every other day in gyms in the NY/NJ area? You can’t get that last rep up so you instantly go into a full on roid rage session, complete with toppling equipment and sending people running to their cars. Saw something like this on the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore in high school and I’m pretty sure that was the last time I was there. No thanks. I was innocently walking past Midway when a mildly retarded, juiced out, meathead ripped his shirt off and just started hollering at people and families for no reason. You know that feeling when you’re walking on train tracks across a bridge and all the sudden you hear a train coming? Nowhere to go and you know you’re gonna get hit? That’s how I felt. I figured I’d take the Jurassic Park approach and if I didn’t move he couldn’t see me. Well luckily for me he just barked in my face like a dog, I shit my pants, and we all called it a day. Anyway…I’m pretty sure that’s how the few people in this video felt when this guy went on his rampage. Just as helpless as Helen Keller. It’s unfortunate that he died but when you mix PCP, DBalls, and electricity, I’m pretty sure anyone’s heart will stop.

Hoboken Cancels St. Patty’s Day Parade

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NBCNewYork:

The Hoboken, N.J. St. Patrick’s Day Parade has been canceled by its organizers, who said the city’s decision to move the event to a weekday in an effort to cut down on rowdiness was “insulting” and “unreasonable.” In its 26-year history, the event has drawn spectators from throughout the tri-state. Last year, after police made 34 arrests and issued 296 citations for violations like urinating in public and carrying open containers of alcohol, Mayor Dawn Zimmer announced that the 2012 parade would be moved to a Wednesday “to reduce the amount of partying that occurs.” “The city of Hoboken’s inability to protect our spectators, bands and participants led us to this heartbreaking decision,” the parade committee said in a statement Friday. “The idea of marching in a parade, in the dark, on a week night, is as insulting as it is unreasonable.” In a letter to the parade committee last month, Zimmer denied the committee’s request to have the parade on a Saturday, telling the group that the parade is a “great celebration of Irish heritage” that gets marred by criminal activity and other unrest throughout the day. “Residents and business owners suffer significant property damage and crime spikes to unacceptable levels, parents are afraid to let their children play outside and many residents simply feel forced to leave town or close their businesses for the day,” Zimmer wrote in the letter released by her office Friday. “I believe that the public safety concerns pose too much of a threat to our community, and I stand by my decision,” she added. In a statement on its website, the group says it will consider invitations from other communities to march in their St. Patrick celebrations. Zimmer called the parade organizers’ decision “unfortunate” and said the city would come up with its own plan to celebrate Irish heritage. “While the parade is a beautiful event, the impact of everything that happens after the parade in our community, sexual assault, property damage, children can’t walk around on their own, it’s an unsafe environment,” the mayor said in a statement. “That’s what this decision is all about, making sure our community is safe.”

 

You can cancel the parade but you can’t cancel the party. Yes, it won’t be the same not hearing bag pipes and fire trucks driving down Washington but everyone knows St. Patty’s Day in Hoboken is the first Saturday of March. This is absolute bullshit what the city is trying to pull because in reality, all they’re doing is taking the parade away. You can’t stop people from going to bars or throwing apartment parties. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not! People will be puking in the streets, fights are gonna break out, and people will be passed out on the sidewalk. Isn’t that what St. Patty’s Day is all about anyway?!

Polish Military Prosecutor Shoots Himself In Face; Survives

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Buzzfeed:

Col. Mikolaj Przybyl was defending the country’s team of military prosecutors against leaks that suggested it mishandled investigations to protect a deeply corrupt military. The government has been considering merging the civilian and military prosecutors as a result.

No real sense of urgency over in Poland huh? Does shit like this happen every day? Did you not see everyone calmly get up and meander over to the guy who just tried to blow his head off? That whole area of countries over there scares the shit out of me. They just seem cold and emotionless. How much must it suck when you can’t even kill yourself the right way? If this guy’s life didn’t suck in the first place, he will now be eating through a straw and breathing through a tube for the rest of his life.