MTA To Run 1920 Subway Trains This Month

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Adweek:

Pretty awesome: HBO has partnered with New York’s MTA to put an actual 1920s subway train back in service on the 2/3 line during weekends in September to promote Boardwalk Empire, the Prohibition-era drama whose second season premieres Sept. 25. The train was originally used for the IRT system, and began service in 1917, reports the Village Voice. It will be making short runs on the express track between 42nd and 96th Street between noon and 6 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays this month. The cars will feature authentic details such as rattan seats, ceiling fans, and drop sash windows—as well as some inauthentic details like a shitload of Boardwalk Empire ads.

 

So Apparently the MTA has never been to CitySubwayCreatures or else they would see the shit that goes on on these trains. I love the idea but not when I think about the bums that are going to stank those cushioned seats up or the subway performers who are going to flip kick those ceiling fans off or the graffiti that will make these cars look like the 1990s again. I remember a time when a poster on the subway would be sufficient in advertising for a show, movie, or product. Bringing these trains in will be fun, but not for all. Destroying nice things is what New Yorkers are great at. Here is what the before and after photos could look like by Oct. 1:

 

Before:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After:

 

Dutch Game Show Deports Contestants

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Wow! I mean what a concept. The contestants have no idea that all of them, including the winner, are immediately being deported as soon as the producer yells ‘Cut. That’s a wrap!’ I would watch this show every single week and it would HAVE to be on FOX right? The American version would, of course, be more heartless and entertaining. “Congratulations on your win Pedro! Now here’s $4,000 for you to start your new life…BACK IN MEXICO!” The questions the contestants would be asked would have to foreshadow what’s coming at the end of the show. “So Juan, what exactly does I.N.S. stand for?”  “Esperanza you’re up. What is the color of the card needed to be in this country?” The idea is brilliant and watching these people’s reactions go from ‘holy shit I’m winning this bitch’ to ‘holy shit what just happened’ is worth so much more than the 4Gs the winner gets. Sorry but you DO NOT pass GO, you DO NOT collect $200, and have fun on that drive back to the homeland watching what ‘could’ve been’ out the window.

 

Sidenote: Does the creator of this Dutch game show not look exactly like you would expect him to look? A cross between a comic book villain and an extra from Die Hard 2.

Thank Christ I Don’t Have Neighbors Like This!

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Thank Christ I don’t have neighbors like this. I don’t mean the ‘hard dick’ thing. I know my neighbor likes hard dick cause I have to listen to her through the walls of my apartment. I mean the driving around yelling into a bull horn like it’s some kind of public service announcement. Lady, no one gives two shits whether or not you like hard dick. Do you see me driving around yelling ‘I like threesomes with preferably a hot blond and an Asian?’ No. Because no one cares and it will most likely never happen unless I pay for it. But there’s my point. Maybe I missed the long line of hard dick beating down your front door, but I highly doubt anyone has, or will be looking to have sex with you. But it’s Friday going into Labor Day weekend so I hope for your sake you do find a limp dick. And I hope that person slaps you in the face with it and knocks some sense into you!

Lindsay Lohan Dead; Donald Trump Expecting; Sarah Palin’s Sex Tape

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Buzzfeed:

I’ll tell you why I knew this was bullshit right away.

A) I’m 99% sure nothing in this world can kill Lindsay Lohan. I’ve been waiting for it for years and just when we think we’re gonna get lucky, somehow she rebounds like Dennis Rodman. Cats have 9 lives? Well Ms Lohan has 9 million. If she was going to die it would’ve been years ago and now we are all going to have to live the torture of her bad movies, terrible singing, and constantly being in the press for irrelevant reasons.

B) Donald Trump pregnant? Come on TrustoCorp. You can do better than that. We all know Donald would abort that baby faster than a teenage girl at her prom. No way is he letting a child come in between him and his conquest to take over the world! The Donald is too selfish to take care of himself with a party of one in his belly. Shame on you, you should know better!

C) Sarah Palin sex tape. Nowwww you got my attention. Not only do I think this bitch is stupid enough to make one, but I would be first to buy multiple copies. As much as I hate her, I can’t deny she’s got the sexy librarian look really working. It wouldn’t be that green night vision shit either. She would probably make it in 3D and name drop a few times on accident to confirm it was definitely her. Palin 2012!

Our Move of the Day Ends Crazy Drunk Man’s Fight

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Ahhh the adventures of the A-train continue. Here is a perfect example of the difference between me and those who were born and raised in NYC. I see a crazy drunk guy with googly eyes licking blood of his arm and holding up a train of angry ghetto passengers, I step off and take my chances walking home from whatever stop I’m at. Don’t get me wrong, I will always stand up for myself when the time calls, but you gotta draw the line somewhere. These dudes act like they deal with this on a daily basis. The older guy actually takes on this asshole and knocks him down TWICE! That’s probably the point where I would jump in. It’s like blood in the water for me. I see this guy has a weakness and I jump in when it’s safe.

 

How frustrated would you be if this guy finally gets knocked down and the MTA guy keeps the door open? Even I was watching this going “close the door! Close the door!” But here is where the move of the day comes in. Like a scene from a Steven Seagal movie, one of the passengers grabs both handrails and gives a flying chest kick which Crazy Eyes Jamal wasn’t even expecting! Perfect execution to a perfect move in a crazy situation. Doors close, boom it’s a wrap! Like a gorilla at the zoo, he’s on the wrong side of the glass wondering how he got there. Chronicles of the A-train indeed!

Terrelle Pryor Isn’t Very Smrt

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Kids across America that are soon starting another school year, let us give you a quick tip; Do Not, I repeat, DO NOT cheat off of any kids whose fathers may play for the Oakland Raiders, because doing so will keep you in 3rd grade for years to come.

Reports have been surfacing today that the Oakland Raiders rookie Quarterback, Terrelle Pryor , scored a 7 on his Wonderlic IQ Test.  That’s 7 out of 50…or 14% for you math nerds out there.

NFL teams IDEALLY want their QB to score around 21 on this test (aka be smarter than a piece of cow dung).  The highest score of an active QB in the league belongs to the Buffalo Bills Ryan Fitzpatrick (GO BILLS!).  Fitz scored a 48 on the test in only 9 minutes.  But I guess you can say he cheated because he did play his college ball at Harvard, and wasn’t involved in some very bad off-the-field decision making that made him leave school early, ahem Pryor

Now does having a horrible score translate into a shitty NFL career?  I don’t think there is an answer to that, but if your reading this blog on the toilet(and just smiled bc you really are), take a courtesy flush and read more about the correlation in this Sport’s Journal article.

 

Update: Here is an exclusive video of Pryor’s reaction to his test scores:

Matthew Fox Might Have The Funniest Mughsot I’ve Ever Seen

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They say a picture speaks a thousand words. Matthew Fox’s mugshot released today speaks a billion. If you haven’t heard by now, he was arrested in Cleveland, Ohio for punching a female bus driver right in the baby maker. That’s right! Jack Shepard, the chosen one, straight upper hooking Mrs. Crabtree where the sun don’t shine. I thought the story was as weird as the plot to Lost anyway, but when I saw this mugshot I couldn’t stop laughing. Just look at him! You know at this point in the police station he had those uncontrollable sniffles and hiccups. You know, the ones where snot is just oozing out of your nose like a Garbage Pail Kid and you’re just trying to concentrate on breathing. The officer taking this pic was probably beside himself. ‘Hey Jack! Grab hold of yourself and take a deep fuckin’ breath!’ Good to see he’s taking care of himself though. Probably weighs around 230 lbs according to this picture and looks like he’s been on a week long bender. And in Cleveland no less! He must have been drinking at ‘The Bar’ downtown. Appropriately named since it’s the only one there. The Lost jokes are endless so no point in taking that road but I will give money to the person who can look at this mugshot with a straight face!

 

UPDATE!

DListed.com – Before we get back on Matthew Fox’s Dharma party van of pussy punches, I should let you know that mug shot isn’t really Matthew Fox and has been around for years. I know. I wish that after Matthew allegedly right hooked a trick in the tit, he wept like a strained turtle whose head is too fat to hide in its shell during his mug shot session.

CNN says that prosecutors in Cleveland have charged Dr. Jack Shepard with assault for acting like a drunk assbag when he threw fists at a (to be read in the slurry voice of a boozed bitch with a party yard long cup in hand) PAAAAAAAARTY BUUUUUS driver when she refused to let him on. The party bus driver Heather Bormann said that Matthew punched her in the legs, but his fists eventually ended up on her chichi sacks and coochie zone. Heather turned off Matthew’s punches by fisting him in the face. Matthew was detained by the police that night but quickly released. Prosecutors took pictures of the bruises that Matthew left on Heather’s arms and legs. Matthew has said nothing about this so far.

Let’s see. Jin was busted for DUI. Libby was busted for DUI. Ana Lucia was busted for DUI. Mr. Eko was busted for driving without a license. And now Matthew Fox. The LOST curse will never leave the island! The smoke monster, that dead polar bear, Sawyer, Hurley, Ben and the others better keep their fists in their ass cracks and act right on the PAAAAAARTY BUUUUS or this could be them! I’ve heard that Kate can’t get even get arrested in this town, so that bitch is safe. Lucky for her.