Category: Sports

Female Soccer Player Lays Smack Down On Opponent

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You know what? I really don’t see anything wrong here. I think this is the way soccer should be played! At least the chick wasn’t rolling around on the ground like she just got sniped out by Seal Team 6. I say let’em go and whoever gets their ass beat has to hit the showers and their team is down a player. Soccer needs an adrenaline shot and maybe this is the answer. This also made me think of what Jim Rome would say…

 

Aaron Rodgers Lookalike Goes Bonkers In Union Square Station

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Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Pretty sure Aaron Rodgers was in town looking for the Vince Lombardi trophy that he probably thought he deserved but ended up in the subway at Union Square hopping around in a woman’s bathing suit feeling the music of the bird. Poor guy…someone throw some change at him.

 

Cricket Player Takes 86MPH Fastball To The Nuts

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I couldn’t tell you the first thing about Cricket and it looks as boring as baseball, but watching a guy take an 86 MPH heater to the nuts is always good entertainment. Where the hell are the fans and why can you hear everything like we’re on the 18th hole of Augusta…so many questions. Gotta love Rick Vaughn’s comment to the batter. “It must have hurt but I’m not saying sorry.” Love that guy.

Tazer Soccer Rugby Sounds Like An Amazing Game

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Where the hell do I sign up? Tazer ball seems like the most bad ass game I’ve ever seen. I’ve been tazed before and it straight up paralyzes the shit out of you. Mix that with tackling, hard hits, and a soccer ball on steroids and you have a new Olympic sport. Yea there might be some fatalities, severe injuires, and/or paralysis, but that’s what draws the crowds. People don’t go to NASCAR to watch the cars drive in circles. They go to watch the Dale Earnhardt’s of the world crash into cement walls at 200MPH. I think this is a much better way to go out. You hear about Rick? He went up for the ball, got tazed in the head, landed on his neck, and then run over by 5 juiceheads. He didn’t make it but damn what a bad ass.

Someone Please Tell Me Ahmad Bradshaw And Angelina From Jersey Shore Hooking Up Is A Joke

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TMZ: NY Giants star running back Ahmad Bradshaw has apparently developed an extra-special relationship with former “Jersey Shore” star Angelina Pivarnick … TMZ has learned … but the Staten Island Dump insists they’re NOT officially dating. Angelina was at Saddle Ranch in L.A. yesterday … when we asked point blank if they were together … and we were met with an uncomfortable silence … followed by, “I’m not dating him … like, no.” Pivarnick explained, “We’ve hung out together … we’re really close, he’s a cool dude.” “I think he’s a hot black … I’m not gonna deny that. I would be lying if I told you he wasn’t hot.” Angelina recently posted a photo of the two lookin’ all cozy at a NY club a few weeks ago — they look platonic to you?

 

Ahmad Bradshaw, you just won the Super Bowl…what are you going to do next??? Angelina Pivarnick! Dude, is this fucking real? Out of all people why the hell did it have to be her? You should be out crushing Kate Upton and Kim Kardashian like Mark Sanchez, not has-been reality whores who are completely irrelevant in today’s society! You need to totally redeem yourself by banging some super model ASAP! Make this go away now!

 

Patriots Get ‘Decapitated’ And Christ Does It Feel Good!

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Woke up this morning with a smile on my face, ate some Wheaties (breakfast of champions), whistled all the way to work, and read in the paper that Gisele divorced Tom after the game last night, only to get turned down by Eli who left her in the dust of his new Corvette. And check out Brandon Jacobs. Trying so goddamn hard not to swear or say the wrong thing on national TV that ‘decapitated’ was the best thing that could come out of his mouth. Yea, the big guy didn’t contribute much but that doesn’t change the fact that he has a ring on his finger.

Highlights of the game. Brady throws first pass away for the 6th ever safety in a Super Bowl. Gronkowski completely useless. Weatherford most pumped up player in the game. Cruz salsa dancing. Welker drops biggest catch of his career. Manningham makes biggest catch of his career. Bradshaw awkwardly squats on goal line. Giants defense keeps Brady in check for most of game. Hail Mary to end game gives America a universal heart attack.

I’m not sure that this game was better than 2008 considering the circumstances but goddamn what a road it was getting there! Ticker Tape parade tomorrow at 11am. See you in the Canyon of Heroes!