Category: Awesome

Man With One Arm Fights Man With Two Arms…Who You Got?

subwaycreatures

 

I have all the respect in the world for MMA fighters. Simply out of their fucking minds to take the kinds of beatings they do for a living and at the end of the day, some are just getting by financially. But I mean you HAVE to call it quits when you lose to a dude with one arm, right? I mean, this is what you do for a living and you just went night-night to a guy who has a total disadvantage. I’m not trying to act like I know everything about the sport but when a guy is missing half his left arm, doesn’t that mean he can’t protect that side of his head? Don’t you throw right hooks all day long?

This Pathetic Asshole Just Made My Day!

subwaycreatures

 

You know what? I ain’t even mad at this kid. Honestly, what does he have to lose throwing all this shit out there? Clearly he can only go up from where he is now. What’s the worst that can happen? He finds another creepy dude pretending to be a hot chick who then comes to his house and tortures and kills him? I’m sure that’s more excitement then he’ll see in an entire year.

Now, you want a tall, modelish, tan, chick with not one pimple. Welcome to the club brotha. I’ve been saying that since my first boner. And as far as the vampire thing goes, I got good news and bad news. Vampires seem to be in right now with girls your age. Bad part is that they will be expecting you to look like the actual characters from Twilight. I respect the confidence and drive but I have a feeling you’re gonna get stuck sexting with the gay, atheist ‘herma-daffa-dite’.

Ever Watch A Concert From An Alcohol Loaded Blimp? Want To?

subwaycreatures

Craigslist: We rented a blimp for the show, holds 10 people and pilot, we got 7, 3 backed out, $300 per person. Blimp loads at 6pm in Jersey City near Pavonia. Will hover at 1000-1500 feet for duration of show. Loaded with a keg and munchies. Pilot will not be drinking of course. The windows open and will be the best seats in the house. Please note this blimp doesn’t have a bathroom. If you’re going to drink a lot you’ll have to use the “pilots hole” in the back. Pretty cool actually, take a pee right in the river. If you’re a chick you definitely don’t want to drink. Need 3 people, this is a serious post, picture of docked blimp in JC shown below. eMail if interested.

 

Buddy of mine just passed this on to me and apparently it’s a serious Craigslist ad to ride in a blimp just above the Mumford and Sons concert on the Hudson in NJ. Now I don’t know what the FAA regulations are for this type of shit so obviously I had my doubts. But then I thought about it, how many people can say they got fucked up in a blimp right above a huge concert? Fuck it if you can’t actually hear the music. You got a keg and an iPod dock that can blast whatever music you want to listen to. Three seats left…who’s in?

Side note: If you’re going to the concert dress for rain cause it sounds like this huge balloon will be dumping a lot of piss/puke on people down below.

-Thanks to Shumko for this!

Meet Ivet Lalova Of Bulgaria!

subwaycreatures

 

Someone please tell me when the track event in the Olympics is because I will for sure be tuning in. Ivet Lalova is running for Bulgaria and has the best warmup technique I’ve ever seen. Normally I’d call the cameraman out for being a creeper but how else are you suppose to entertain yourself at one of these things?

Top 10 Funniest Male TV Characters; Who Ya Got?

subwaycreatures

OK, so here are the rules. Has to be a MALE TV CHARACTER from the last 20 years. Movies don’t count and it can be real OR animated. The funny factor is based on the character and NOT the actor. This list wasn’t easy by any means but I think it comes pretty damn close! Tomorrow we’ll list the top 10 funniest women. Just kidding, women aren’t funny. Now, let the great debate begin!

10. Leon Black (Curb Your Enthusiasm) 

*Leon was the perfect addition to a show that was already on the right track

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. Adam DeMamp (Workaholics)

*Adam is by far the funniest out of the three dumb, stoner ‘workaholics’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. Ron Swanson (Parks And Recreation)

*The man’s man Ron Swanson defines lazy sarcasm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Bubbles (Trailer Park Boys)

*The dark horse at #7. If you haven’t seen Trailer Park Boys you are missing out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. George Costanza (Seinfeld)

*When you think Seinfeld, you think one-liners. When you think one-liners, you think George Costanza.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Charlie Kelly (It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia)

*Both repulsive and dumb as nails, Charlie makes everyone feel so much better about themselves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Ja’mie/Jonah/Mr. G (Summer Heights High)

*All 3 of these characters push the envelope to the point of funny awkwardness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Kenny Powers (Eastbound And Down)

*Having the freedom of being uncensored, Kenny Powers gets away with whatever he wants on HBO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)

*No one has nailed real life awkward situations and made them funnier than Larry David. Man is a genius.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Michael Scott (The Office)

*One man has never single-handedly carried a show on his shoulders like Michael Scott. Yes, the show is still on TV but it was never the same after his departure. An obvious #1 in my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honorable mentions: Tom Haverford (Parks And Recreation), Dwight Shrute (The Office), Cam Tucker (Modern Family), ‘Gob’ Bluth (Arrested Development), Eric Cartman (South Park)