Category: VIDEOS

The Outlawz Smoked Tupacs Ashes!

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New York City is notorious (no pun intended) for their weed delivery service. Dealers show up on bikes or cars and always have about 20 different kinds of bud on them. Of course each one has a new, different name that they came up with on their way over. It’s actually fun to hear how creative they can sometimes get. Afghan Cush, AK-47, Northern Lights, Green Crack, Grand Daddy Purp, OG Cush, etc. etc. Now I’m not sure how I would handle the situation if he showed up and said “yo I got that Tupac. No, really it’s fuckin’ Tupac. I got his ashes after they cremated him.” Um, call me crazy but I think I’ll pass on the Tupac this time Jerome. Not really into the whole ‘smoking people’ thing but even if I was, it wouldn’t be Tupac. Bring me some of that Biggie or if you really wanna make some money, get me some of that Snoop once he’s smoked himself dead. And don’t tell me Pac is running through your body my man. Everyone knows it takes a month for that shit to get out of your system.

You know what REALLY shocked me? Was the part where they said “we went down to the beach and did some shit he liked like weed, chicken wings, you know he loved orange soda…” No shit? I actually played a game where I stopped the clip right when he said “we did some shit he liked..” and tried to guess. What would you know I was 3 for 3. Kinda reminded me of the Dave Chappelle skit when he talks about black people being genetically predisposed to like chicken. And all along he thought he liked it just because it was delicious!

 

Virtual Subway Grocery Shopping Coming?

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Virtual subway grocery shopping? Rell rould you rook at that! Why are the Asians always so damn more advanced than us! We import everything from them and their technology is always 10 years ahead of us, partly why our economy is in the shits. Right off the bat I can tell you that this new technology will have zero effect on me since I still use a Zack Morris phone from 1989 with no internet. Here’s the thing South Korea must not have in common with us New Yorkers. We have just as many bums in our subways than actual commuters. Installing this on every platform is like throwing chum in the ocean during a shark feeding frenzy. I can just picture ‘one eyed Ray’ from the A-train licking the fruit section of these virtual boards like it was the “Lickable Wallpaper” in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Or Stinky Steve from the 6-train jerkin off to the fresh cut steaks in the meat section. Just hobos coming from everywhere to drool over these products that they will never actually see in real life. Not the most desirable situation for strap hangers who are just trying to order dinner for their family that night. I’ll tell you who I will give money or food to though. These guys:

 

Who is this Guy?!

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So there’s a new documentary on HBO called SUPERHEROES about morons who literally dress up and “protect” the streets of the cities they live in. Just like Jersey Shore, I couldn’t stop watching it even though it was the most ridiculous shit to ever take place in America (I say that loosely). Literally, gay crime fighters walking the streets like hookers on a Saturday night trying to bait people into rape, skateboarding at 4 am in Brooklyn, etc. etc. All the while local police laughing at them in their face. I must say though, my favorite by far was Master Legend:

 

ML drinks on the job, hits on chicks at bars, and carries an ice cube launcher. Not only does he NEED his own show, but I want to know how he has time to save the world in between crushing all the local pussy in downtown Orlando, FL. I don’t mean to get so side tracked but there’s a point to this. Master Legend must have been on vacation in Spain and saved this dude’s life on the tracks cause look at how calm and cool that guy is. Drunk dude knocked out on tracks? I got this. Train coming? Don’t rush me. Get the guy to safety? Done and done. I know I always say this but it seriously looks like a clip from a Hollywood movie. And if you ever come across Master Legend, he probably just saved your life and you didn’t even know it.

Flood in the NYC Subway!

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So I was taking the 1 train this morning down by South Ferry and all of the sudden the NY Harbor began pouring in one of the entrances! Fire was spitting out of gas lines, an oil tanker fell down from the street above, and electric wires were flying everywhere. Thankfully the train pulled out just in time as if Ron Jeremy was working the controls. Shockingly, this is just footage of the earthquake ride at Universal Studios in Florida but pretty much what I was expecting over the weekend as I think mostly everyone else was. Once again NYC dodged a bullet as if some kind of force field bubbles over it. How did every surrounding city and town get blasted as bad as they did and I wake up Sunday afternoon with power, zero flooding, and the sun out? Something about New York City I tell ya.

I stayed up until 5:30am Sunday morning waiting for something crazy to happen and even then, the reporters were saying the worst is yet to come. Nothing other than a couple fallen trees. An earthquake and tropical storm in the same week? This video is what NY definitely should have looked like! Since we keep getting tested by Mother Nature, I’m sitting here writing and wondering what’s next? Tornadoes? An end of the summer blizzard? Alien attack?

Side note: Not sure if anyone saw the Bloomberg press conference, but him trying to speak Spanish is as awkward as my Irish ass trying to read the Torah out loud.

 

Can Blacks Really Be Racist Towards Whites?

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I’ve always wondered this. I don’t think I’ve ever been offended by one racist comment ever. In all honesty, is there anything that REALLY offends white people? Cracker, Honky, White Bread, Cornbread? It just doesn’t bother me. I’m listening to this guy and I actually thought it was the funniest shit ever. I’ve witnessed the Black Panthers in Times Square and I thought it was more interesting than anything else. Now I’m far from religious but even I know this guy is clearly making shit up from the Bible. “Because the white man will not put up a black Jesus Christ at the White House, God made him–all white people homosexual.” I lived on the border of Hells Kitchen and Chelsea last year and I’ll tell you, I probably would’ve believed this guy if I never left the area. Neighborhood was as flaming as Hell itself. But come on man, ALL white men? There IS one point he made that I cannot say shit about. “All Negros are holy and sanctified. That’s why you can’t play basketball with them. They can beat you and laugh at you.” Got me there buddy. I got nothing.

He then goes on to ask “Do I have any questions?” Holy shit, how does nobody ask this guy anything?! I woulda been raising my hand like back in the 2nd grade when you actually used your other hand to try and make your hand go up even farther saying “Oh, oh, oh!” Instigating these kinds of people is what I live for. I would’ve turned that train into a White House press conference. “So sir, where do you get your facts?” “Is that bucket also what you shit and piss in?” “What are your thoughts on Casey Anthony?” I mean shit people. He gave you a golden opportunity and you all blew it! Preach on my friend, preach on!

Side note: Is that a spear he’s holding? Just wondering…

 

Who Is To Blame?

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Where to even start with this shit. First of all, multiple people break Rule #1 and by breaking rule #1, look at what happens. Subway gold! Now chica here is far from innocent and I have no idea why anyone is standing up for her, but change cars if you don’t want to listen to her babbling. If people reacted this way in the NYC subway all the time it would look like Wrestle Mania. I’m talking chairs, tag teams, illegal weapons, and fatalities. Oh, you’re singing to god lady? Well look at where that got you. Two dudes are swinging at each other, you’re being thrown off the train, and everyone on the subway is now choosing sides in the fight. This is the classic case of when foreigners try to act like they don’t speak English and when shit doesn’t go their way, they learn Rosetta Stone in 2 seconds. Don’t sit there and try to proclaim your innocence!

Question. Did anyone predict that Asian to come out swinging like that? He totally caught me off guard and I’m pretty sure that guy as well. Who is to blame here?

Asshole Gives Play-By-Play While Drunk Bleeds On Tracks

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So here’s the story. This guy was wasted in the subway and began pissing off the platform when he lost his balance and landed head first on the rail. Drunk and semi unconscious, these 3 bystanders did NOTHING to help him. I’ll say right off the bat, not for the faint of heart. Now a survey came out not too long ago saying that New Yorkers were the most likely to take action if they saw something happen or had to save someone. So much for that. This asshole just stands there and watches as his girlfriend cries and this very, very, very, very intoxicated guy bleeds all over the subway. The dick, however, DID have the decency to give play-by-play and film at the same time. “Yo, you alright man?” Does he look alright?! He’s a pillow away from a good night’s sleep. Bleeding from the ears and barely moving and you’re going to ask him if he’s alright? “Yo, real time. This is how niggas do. 13 minutes til the next L train comes.” Oh great! So now we have a countdown going until this video turns into a “Faces of Death.”

I’m not going to analyze all 3 of these videos because I apparently have earthquakes to deal with in NY, but I hope Roofio here understands that karma is a bitch and when he falls onto the tracks and reaches up for help, I’ll be standing there with my middle finger out. When this kid sobers up in a week, he better name his first child after that MTA employee. He is the REAL hero and had to take care of the situation on his own thanks to these clown dicks. If those assholes even TRY to take credit for being heroes, I might have to track them down.

 

On a side-note, what is the policy on Asians using “nigga”? Has it now come down to Whites being the only ones who can’t say that?

Japanese People Love Getting Stuffed On Their Subway

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So some of you may have seen this before. I know it looks like the 6 train during rush hour on a Monday morning but this is actually  the daily commute in Japan. They actually have workers whose job it is to pack these trains as tight as they possibly can. I’m claustrophobic as all hell and it was hard to watch these videos. Can’t even imagine what it’s like in there. I think I’ll wait for the next one guys, thanks! People just nose to nose breathing all over each other. And what happens when they get to the next station and those doors open? It must be like those little fake cans of peanuts that have the spring inside them. BAM! Just people all over the platform.

It would be a pretty cool job to have though. I would line up like a D-line man and just bull rush that door. Yea people might get hurt but hey, that’s the risk you take by riding the Japanese subway. And why don’t they have Sumo wrestlers doing this? Wouldn’t that help speed the process up a little? It looks like they pick the smallest assholes around to pack these trains. Just think about these poor fucks next time you’re whining that you’re packed on a train and maybe you’ll have a new appreciation.

I Wanna Hang Out With This Guy!

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She’s a maniac, mannnniac on the floor. And she’s dancing like she’s never danced–lean back! lean back! My man just went from Michael Sembello to Fat Joe in less than 2 seconds. He’s mixing songs like he’s got two turntables and a crowd of thousands in front of himself. How is no one paying this dude attention!? I 100% understand how he has all that money in his pocket because I would probably give him everything I had on me including my girlfriend. Not really sure what he’s saving up for but he’s the happiest man on the train and probably has the least amount to be happy about. That’s life for ya! Anyway, it’s Friday and this guy is the perfect way to start the weekend. Have a good one everyone!

Personal Hygiene

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Fresh off the 7 train…Don’t hate on this guy! I’m sure dude’s got a huge date coming up tonight and he’s just trying to get his shit together. I like his style too. Make due with what you got around you. “Damn I forgot my comb at my cardboard box under the bridge. Oh look, a fork on the ground!” I also love how oblivious he is to the person filming directly across from him. Either that or he could give two fucks cause he knows he’s gettin’ it in tonight! Comb on old man, comb on.