Another Week, Another Bus Driver Beating The Shit Out Of A Passenger

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You’d think bus drivers around the world would have learned a lesson from the mortal combat finishing move that took place a couple weeks ago. Despite only defending himself, that bus driver was promptly fired with assault charges pressed against him. Well here we go again! This Baltimore bus driver was suspended from her job after tossing this teenager around like a rag doll. I have no idea what the back story is here but here’s the thing, if you’ve ever used a public bus to get from point A to point B you’d totally understand where these drivers are coming from. Imagine picking up bitchy teenagers all day who run their mouths and think they are the hottest shit since Gangnam Style. They nag the whole ride, complain about fares, and talk on their cell phones as if everyone on the bus is interested in their missed period. Now multiply that by Baltimore, add an 8 hour shift, and this is what you get 9 out of 10 times. Public Transportation: The Devil’s Chariot.

James Brown Doesn’t Seem Coked Up At All In This 1988 Interview

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This is a maaaaan’s world! That’s why I hit my wife with a lead pipe and got off with a slap on the wrist. Also why I went on national TV higher than Tony Montana and couldn’t get any sentences out other than song lyrics. James mothafuckin’ Brown everybody! I guess the only thing that can stop him is his heart!

Tiki Barber Is Now Whoring Himself Out For A Living

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Deadspin: It’s been six years since Tiki Barber retired from football, which means we’ve spent six years watching him desperately try and failat becoming some kind of relevant media personality. Having washed out of the television business, Tiki is on to much sadder things. He recently co-founded Thuzio, a company that allows regular Joes like you and me to pay large sums of money in exchange for the chance to hang out with famous athletes. You can have Ryan Tannehill (!) show up at your fantasy draft for the low cost of $5,000. Ivan Nova will show up at your party for the low price of $4,000. Thuzio is like an escort service for especially lonely sports fans. The most depressing thing of all, though, is the fact that Tiki Barber is the cheapest athlete in Thuzio’s stable. Tiki’s highest appearance fee is $1,000 for a round of golf or party attendance. Larry Holmes costs $6,250 per hour. Shit, even Tim Hardaway, the noted ex-homophobe, fetches a higher price than poor Tiki. Now, it’s possible that Tiki’s fees could be marked down as a way to make him more accessible and thus drum up good publicity for the company. Still: getting trumped by the likes of Ryan Tannehill and Tim Hardaway is sad in any context. And then there’s this: an auction for Tiki’s services as a karaoke partner. So far one bid for $350 has been placed.

Oh how the mighty have fallen! Ex-communicated from your old team, ditch your preggo wife for an intern, fired as an NFL analysis on NBC, ignored by every NFL team in the league after trying to make a comeback, a failed tryout with the NY Jets Flight Crew, turned down as a peanut vendor in MetLife Stadium, and now this. Just whoring himself out to people who have more money than they know what to do with. My question is what in the hell is Ryan Tannehill and Ivan Nova doing wrapped up in this prostitution ring? Does anyone have ANY pride left??

UPDATE: We’ve got a Tiki Barber sighting!

This Is What Happens When You Give A Homeless Bears Fan A Beer And A Camera

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As long as the Bears can block for 2 seconds, their offense is gonna score 70. The defense is gonna score 50 and special teams gonna score at least 30!

Safe to say this garbage picker was shooting for the stars a little bit with that bold 150 point prediction. Hope he didn’t bet all his cigarettes on that OVER though since both teams put up a combined score of 19 in one of the most boring NFL games of the week.

Bully Takes Baseball Bat To The Head

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Ding! That sound kinda reminds me of opening day in Little League, right? Like when you get your first hit of the season and the butterflies go away and you know it’s gonna be an all star year at third base. Although in this case Ding! means you’re probably gonna do 2-4 years for assault with a deadly weapon unless you can pull off some miraculous self defense angle. The worst part about it is that after Canseco-ing this kid to the head, he dropped the bat and let the dead kid’s friend tee of on him a couple times. As long as you nailed one, you might as well take’em all down. Especially the cameraman who’s got your whole trial on his iPhone.

I Always Wondered What It Looked Like To See A Crane Drop A Brand New Locomotive

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This kind of makes up for that goddamn crane on 59th St in Manhattan during Hurricane Sandy. I waited a week for that fucker to drop and suspense just kept building and building and it never fell. I’m like a little kid when it comes to that shit and I was dying to see what kind of destruction it would cause and you know what I got? Nothing but blue balls. Sandy can come in and wipe out half the east coast but she can’t take down a pussy little crane. What a bitch.