So What Was With All The Bodies In The Subway Over The Weekend?

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HuffPost: This past weekend, New York City’s subway system experienced four deaths in less than 24 hours. The Associated Press reports that all of the incidents took place on Saturday, and police say none of the victims were related. The first death occurred on Saturday morning at 2:01 a.m. at an R train station in Elmhurst, Queens. According to The Wall Street Journal, the victim is believed to have fallen down the stairs. The AP adds that he was reportedly in his 60s. About six hours later, the AP reports that a man in his 20s was struck and killed by an L train on 14th Street in Manhattan. Daily Intel adds that he was standing on the tracks between 3rd Avenue and Union Square. The Wall Street Journal identified the victim as Brian O’Mara of Garden City, N.Y., and put his time of death at 8:25 a.m. The third fatality occurred on the A line Saturday afternoon in Brooklyn at the Nostrand Avenue station. The Wall Street Journal writes that a little after 4 p.m., an MTA employee spotted a body on the tracks within the subway tunnel. On Saturday evening, the fourth death took place on the L line in Manhattan. The New York Daily News reports that at about 10 p.m., a man’s head was spotted between a subway car and platform within the Sixth Avenue station.

 

So apparently Death was in town riding the subways on Saturday and just leaving bodies all over the place like it was Jonestown. Is that a rat at the end of the platform? No, looks more like a human head. Oh, ok. Sounds like some Final Destination kind of shit and wherever that 5th victim is who made it out alive, you don’t have very long before you cross the street and get crushed by a garbage truck.

 

Question Of The Day: How Would You Rather Your Season End?

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Nothing has more of an alone feeling than losing the AFC/NFC Championship for your team. I wonder if after the night game, Billy Cundiff called up Kyle Williams to meet up and commit group suicide. So if you HAD to be on one of these teams, which one would it be?  The Ravens who missed a chip shot field goal to send the Patriots to the Super Bowl or the 49ers who muffed a punt and then fumbled to send the Giants to the Super Bowl? Personally, I have to go with the Ravens here simply on the fact that the field goal was not for the win but only to send the game to OT. Plus Cundiff only fucked up once and since the AFC is such a joke, he’ll probably be back in the same game next year. Kyle Williams screwed up twice and the 49ers will probably not make it to the finals for another decade. I was debating on also throwing ‘member of Harbaugh family’ in there but I felt like it isn’t even close to how these stooges feel.

 

We’re ‘Going To The Mother Fu*king Super Bowl’!!!

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Steve Weatherford said it best and FOX did a great job of playing it in slow-mo so the world could understand. I’M GOING TO THE MOTHER FUCKING SUPER BOWL! It was hard to sleep last night with my anxiety through the roof but I’ll take that outcome any day. I don’t even remember how many times I said ‘this is the game right here’ and I probably lost a few years off my life from the stress. The 49ers put up a hard fight but nothing can stop this run the GMen are on right now. Defense and special teams came up big and Eli had another amazing game. Here’s my wish list for the Super Bowl tho:

– Offensive line: You have the best QB in football right now and you can’t protect him. Eli can only take so many hits before he breaks a rib or separates a shoulder. Fix it!

– Defensive line: Yes, you had a couple sacks but Alex Smith had all day in the pocket. Put more pressure on the QB because Brady will make us pay if you don’t. Fix it!

– Secondary: You let Vernon Davis behind you TWICE for TDs. Pats have 2 Tight ends who could be even more dangerous. If you get outrun by a tight end, get off the field. Fix it!

As for New England and Tom Brady, it’s going to be so sweet beating you in the Super Bowl again. Please give another press conference like this you cocky son of a bitch.

We’re Goin’, Goin’ Back, Back To Cali, Cali!

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I have goddamn goosebumps right now and I’m so jacked up that I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself until game time! The Giants are storming into one of the most flaming/hippie cities in the country so I’ll say figuratively they will be bending the 49ers over and having their way with them on Sunday. Revenge was sweet last week but it was only half of what the they needed to get out of their system. The 49ers get 1 miracle catch every 15 years and unfortunately for them, they used theirs last week. I 100% expect Vernon Davis to walk off the field crying in back to back weeks but not because he made the game winning catch this time. Because the Giants embarrassed his team at home to go to the Super Bowl. All in? I’m fuckin’ balls deep! Let’s go BigBlue!

Russian Woman Scores A Perfect 10 Out Of 10 After Getting Owned By Car

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See, it’s funny cause she’s OK. Hunny, you’re crossing a highway in Russia. That tip toeing shit isn’t going to fly, especially when the chances of all of the motorists being drunk are pretty high. But I must commend her. She hit the windshield, flipped, landed on her head and still dusted her coat off, collected her bags, and got on with her day. One tough bitch! Russians I tell ya. Something else running through their veins over there.

This Might Be One Of The Most Horrifying Looking Babies I’ve Ever Seen

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Poor ugly kid. Only a few days old and already traumatized when his father decided to motorboat his mom with him still in the room. Now dad is just fuckin’ with him to make a funny Youtube video. Hey pops, pretty sure this is what happened to the Menendez brothers when they were babies too.

Week 15: “Hey Baby, what would you say if I told you the 7-7 Giants make it to the NFC Championship game?”

I know, right?

Mother Arrested For Allowing 10 Year Old Son To Get A Tattoo

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ABCNews: A Georgia mother who was arrested for allowing her 10-year-old to get a tattoo said she had no idea it was illegal for him to get one, even with her consent. When Chuntera Napier’s son Gaquan Napier asked her if he could get a memorial tattoo for his 12-year-old brother Malik who died after being hit by a car, Napier was touched by the request. “My son came to me and said, ‘Mom, I want to get a tattoo with Malik on it, rest in peace,’” she told ABC News’. “It made me feel good to know that he wanted his brother on him.” When Gaquan Napier was asked why he wanted the tattoo, he said, “Because it represents my brother.” “What do I say to a child who wants to remember his brother? It’s not like he was asking me, ‘Can I get Sponge Bob?” Napier said. “He asked me [for] something that’s in remembrance of his brother. How can I say no?” Gaquan got a tattoo on his right arm of his brother’s name and his former basketball jersey number. Napier also has memorial tattoos for her son on her right arm. When someone at his school noticed the tattoo and contacted authorities, Napier was arrested on Tuesday and charged with misdemeanor cruelty and being a party to a crime, according to WSBTV. Napier bonded out of jail on Wednesday but is shocked that her consent was not enough for her son to get a tattoo. “I always thought that if a parent gave consent, then it was fine,” she said. “How can somebody else say that it’s not okay? He’s my child, and I have the right to say what I want for my child. I can’t go tell anybody else what I want for their child.” A Georgia law from 2010 states, “It shall be unlawful for any person to tattoo the body of any person under the age of 18, except a physician or osteopath.” The Acworth Police Department did not respond to request for comment and the Smyrna, Ga. artist who did the tattoo is also under investigation.

Get a life Georgia. Are parents in this state really so untrustworthy that even their consent isn’t good enough? ‘If a parent give consent, then it’s fine!‘ If a parent says ‘yes, you can go play on the train tracks.’ It’s fine! If a parent says ‘It’s OK to take candy from strangers.’ It’s fine! I know Gaquan didn’t help his case by wearing a Sesame Street shirt for the interview but like the mom said, it’s not like the kid asked for Sponge Bob on his arm. Gaquan just wanted to honor his brother’s memory by getting his basketball number inked on. He doesn’t have his whole back covered in some tribal gang tattoo. The point is, if Gaquan wants a tattoo it’s his body and shouldn’t matter if he’s 10. If he regrets it later in life thankfully technology has come a long way where tattoos aren’t permanent anymore. If it’s illegal in the south for a 10 year old to get a tattoo to honor his brother, then Disney character tattoos should be outlawed as well. Just sayin’.

 

 

Leave It To Sweden To Host The First Techno Rave Church Service

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So what do you guys wanna do tonight? I dunno, I was thinking about taking some pills, heading over to the church, and hopefully hooking up. Sounds like a plan!

This is definitely what Jesus pictured when he died for everyone, right? Just a massive E party supplied with holy water ($8.00 a bottle), a techno DJ, and an atmosphere that won’t make you feel guilty at all! If you don’t leave with more sins than what you came in with, you obviously didn’t have a good time. I would just hate to be the guy who has to clean up for the old people mass in the morning. Mopping sweat, puke, and semen off the floor cannot be what one calls a happy life.