Personal Hygiene

subwaycreatures

Fresh off the 7 train…Don’t hate on this guy! I’m sure dude’s got a huge date coming up tonight and he’s just trying to get his shit together. I like his style too. Make due with what you got around you. “Damn I forgot my comb at my cardboard box under the bridge. Oh look, a fork on the ground!” I also love how oblivious he is to the person filming directly across from him. Either that or he could give two fucks cause he knows he’s gettin’ it in tonight! Comb on old man, comb on.

Subway Creature Maces Kid

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Now what did we learn today kids? Don’t fuck with a pig hooker who is bigger than your 300 lb mother. I never thought I’d say this but I have to side with RuPaul on this one. Fuckin’ little kids couldn’t keep their mouths shut and you know what, the hooker gave you plenty of warnings. It’s his/her birthday tomorrow for christ sakes! I have no idea what this fight is over nor do I care, but I will say that I’m pretty sure this lil bastard will think twice next time he opens his mouth around a 6’5” zoo animal. Unfortunately the kids brother (the one who looks like the fat kid from Nutty Professor “Hercules! Hercules!”) didn’t get his share of mace. But that’s fine because his punishment is now dealing with his blind, crying brother and mother. Not to mention what his mother is going to do to him once she regains vision.

Lady Luck

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Let’s make one thing clear right off the bat, this is not a sudden earthquake in the subway. No, this chick is as fucked up as Courtney Love and she picked the worst timing possible to try out that new dance move everyone has been telling her about. Oh! Trying to sneak a nice little ciggie in before your train ride, huh? Your body is at the point of the night where it says “fuck you! I’m done!” (Trust me, I’ve been there) Playing dead is not the way I would personally deal with this situation as a train is bearing down on you but hey, what do I know? She honestly doesn’t move like she’s in Jurassic Park and the train is a T-Rex. And who saw that ending coming?! The train stops right above her lifeless body and everyone is OK? I think not. What about all the people in that front car of the train who are probably piled on top of each other right now because of how fast that train went from 60-0 MPH?

The injustice here is that we don’t get the audio of what that conductor says when she opens the front door of the train to find this bitch passed out. “The fuck is this bitch doing under ma goddamn train?! I’ll tell you what sugar, by the time I’m done with you, you gon’ wish this train ran ya ass ova!” God I love impressions but I seriously hope drunkie went straight to the store and bought a Powerball ticket. Either way she’s gonna die because they didn’t make 5 Final Destinations for nothing.

Man Gets Pussy After Preventing Woman From Getting Railed

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Ching chang, ching ching chung…I don’t know what the fuck they are saying here but does it really matter?! I can watch this footage on mute and it would probably make more sense. Chick does some kind of barrel roll onto tracks, man saves the day with seconds to spare. I mean holy shit! I was waiting for the director to yell CUT. To be completely honest, I don’t know if this guy got pussy or not but he better have. I mean that chick better have fucked him right there under the platform. As always no one else jumped into action except for this guy and he had the awareness to roll her into the safe spot under the platform as if he does this all the time. You don’t even need a pick up line at that point. Just “love you long time” until they get that train out of the way!

This train station had railings on the platform and this chick still managed to find her way onto the tracks. There’s no joke here, I just can’t believe how retarded people can be.

Woman Off Her Meds

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A woman talking to herself, screaming at nobody on a NYC subway?  How does this not have 3 million hits on Youtube?? Simple, because I can run down to the ACE right now and record some stupid old twat making a scene for absolutely no reason.

I’m posting this because of how lucky this whack job is.  Of course she picks on the poor little china lady fresh out of her dry cleaning job holding her JC Penny’s brand slacks, she knows this little lady has 0 Kung-Fu skills and won’t fight back.

I wish she took a swing at one of the new generation take no crap girls.  You know the kind with the press on nails, with more CVS aisle 9 products in their hair then Mr. Soul Glo himself. They would of knocked this dumb bitch down in a second.

I think I just came up with a new comic book hero…

Lesbo Treats Train Tracks Like Living Room

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There’s gotta be nothing scarier than seeing a person voluntarily chillin’ on the subway tracks like they are on their couch at  1PM on NFL Sunday. Apparently these two lesbians got into a fight on the platform and the one decided to make a point by killing herself. I understand people act in the “heat of the moment” but hun, you just got gay marriage legalized and this is your next move?! Who knows, maybe that’s what this whole argument is over. Da Brat sitting on the tracks, realized her girlfriend wanted long term commitment and this was the only other option. And how about the chick in orange’s method of snapping sense into her by dumping a Big Gulp of beer all over her? Lady, that third rail behind your girlfriend’s head has enough electricity running through it to turn her into a crispy piece of bacon. Liquid is doing more harm than good at this point. Just too many weird factors going on here which makes me very suspicious.

Finally, you can clearly see the train in the background stopped and waiting for this bitch to get out the way. If I were watching all of this from the front car window, I would be so fuckin mad at this ending. If you’re going to delay me from getting somewhere then at least give me a good excuse to be late. I understand the train stopped but hey, if you wanna off yourself, turn around and grab hold of that third rail and let’s see some fireworks.

“Sorry I’m late boss, a woman jumped on the tracks and wanted to kill herself but she decided not to and just climbed back onto the platform and carried on her day.”

“Well that’s unfortunate for you. You’re getting docked pay and now I need you to come in on Saturday.”

BULLSHIT!

Dude Hanging Out On The Subway

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Shirt? Check. Hoodie? Check. Black socks? Check. Shoes? Check. Well, time to start my day on the good ol’ E train! When I see videos like this, I don’t blame the asians for walking around with bio masks on. This makes me never want to sit on a subway car or even hold onto the railings. I swear I’m currently in the process of learning how to “subway surf” or ride the train without having to touch anything. It’s a lot easier with the shocks they have on the new trains since the older trains are basically like riding one of the runaway mine shaft cars from Indiana Jones. Once I’ve mastered it I promise to pass the technique on to everyone.

Oh, and what is this guy actually doing during the whole video? From the looks of it, braiding his Sasha Grey-like pubes.

Shinin’ Them Shoes!

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Well Jesus Christ! Just look at the shin on those shoes! I don’t know why this guy isn’t running a shoe shining business with how much dedication and determination he’s putting into this. And as always, the people sitting around him just go on as if it’s just another day on the NYC subway which is actually the truth. With the shit I’ve seen on those trains, I wouldn’t even touch my shoe with my hand, let alone put my tongue to them. Now here’s the million dollar question. Where the fuck is he going that he needs his shoe THAT clean cause I’ll tell you right now it ain’t a job interview. Maybe it has nothing to do with needing his shoe cleaned. Maybe he accidentally dropped his crack on his shoe and he’s just trying to get his money’s worth. Either way I give this guy 24 hours to live before he comes down with some mutated disease and turns the NYC subway into a scene from the movie 12 Monkeys.